Speaking My Mind

Climbing the Beanstalk?

Soooo…about that guy that I mentioned in my last post…the one that had put his hand on my leg and wanted to Netflix and Chill and I wasn’t into at all?

Welp…now I’m quite infatuated with him.

I contacted him when a couple of times after bailing on plans to Netflix and chill with him.  Both times I contacted him, I was sad and a little drunk.  But we texted back and forth for a couple hours and…he’s kind of amazing?

Honestly, he’s the sweetest, most genuine, and thoughtful guy I’ve met in my entire life.  That’s not even an exaggeration.  Most of the people I associate with are women because women are awesome and I feel that most men I’ve met are super immature or rude, etc.  This guy though is genuinely awesome…he’s super funny too.  And he’s tall too! 6’6″!

It’s crazy though because this past week, I found out that my best friend knows him.

We were on the bus after stat class, and she was telling me an address she was going to later that day to hang out with some friend.

“I know that address!” I exclaimed.  “I was just there the other night! That’s where I met that guy with the hand on my leg!”

“Oh, really?” she replied, “Do you know Carl?”

She showed me a picture on her phone of the leg guy…I’ll call him Beanstalk.

“That’s not Carl, that’s Beanstalk,” I corrected.

“No, that’s Carl,” she insisted.

Then I remembered that Beanstalk’s last name was Carl…Beanstalk Carl.

“Wait, you know him?” I asked.

“Yeah, we’ve been talking since the beginning of November.  We met on YikYak!” she explained.  “It’s weird that he didn’t recognize you though because I’ve sent him pictures of us together.”

End scene.

So yeah…my best friend and Beanstalk have never met but they’re friends.

I just can’t quite shake the idea that…maybe I’ll explain it later.  But basically, meeting someone I like that likes me back has caused some memories of my unfortunate dating experience and…I’m nervous I’m going to experience something akin to what I have in the past.

I’m also feeling a little weary of the fact that this guy seems to be into me.  Even with my ex, I’ve always had to chase people a little bit.  But with him, he’s been interested in me on some level since I met him two weeks ago.  It’s such a nice feeling that he’s into it too…but I’m also feeling like it’s too good to be true?  He can’t seem to be a super amazing person and into me, right?  That’s crazy…

I think I’m gonna give it another week or two…or three…to talk to him more…get to know him.  Then if I’m still into him and potentially dating him, I’ll see if we can go on an official date.  I haven’t been on a date in forever so that’d be really nice.

He’s never had a relationship, apparently.  My best friend says he’s a hookup-kinda guy so I’m kinda wondering if this is just an elaborate scheme to hook up with me? Well, not a scheme I mean…maybe he actually likes me but not more than a friend and he just wants to be friends with benefits?  To me, he comes off as a relationship kinda guy.  So it’s hard to believe he’s never been in one before…and it makes me think that maybe he’s had opportunities to be in relationships but he’s turned them down?  So…he’d turn me down too maybe?

I’m not sure.  I’m just super confused and this is stressing me out, which is stupid.  I just need to relax, go with the flow…test the waters for awhile longer before instigating anything more serious.

It’s a little scary and weird, I guess.  Here I am…just complaining about unsatisfying hookups and deciding I will avoid them for the time being and I mention this guy that I thought was trying something with me right as I cut myself off from these flings…and then he continues to exhibit signs of interest and seems to be a genuinely good person so far?  And he’s a guy!  It’s so rare that I am actually attracted to guys because I find most of them to be rude or something but no he’s actually…ugh.  I feel like I don’t deserve to meet someone awesome right now.  I am going through the biggest sophomore slump of my life…more details on that later.  But basically, I’ve been very unhappy and killing my liver and lungs.  And I’m unmotivated and I’m not taking care of myself and I’m disillusioned with school right now….I’m barely trying whereas last year I was a powerhouse…I don’t deserve to meet someone right now.  My life feels like it’s falling apart because I allowed it to fall apart…I don’t get it.  I don’t get it.

So I’m going to take this weekend to reflect, think, and plan my life and this potential romantic partner.  I’ll keep y’all updated.  In the meantime, have a great Thanksgiving!

xx Vic

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