Speaking My Mind

Cloud 9

On Thursday morning, April 3rd, at an ungodly hour (perhaps 2am), I told her I loved her.

She had been wanting me to speak to her in Spanish for forever, and I was always reluctant to do so because speaking in Spanish makes me uncomfortable but I thought because I have been wanting to tell her that I love her it would be cute to say it in Spanish.

I wasn’t planning to say it on Wednesday night when she FaceTimed me and we talked until we passed out on Thursday morning but I just…had to.  It took a long time to say it too because I felt so nervous…what if she didn’t love me back??

But then considering how she had been calling me “her love” for the past month or so and then how she had sent me this text when I showed her some of my writing…


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I figured there was no way that she wouldn’t say it back so…I said “te amo” after much begging from her to tell her what I wanted to tell her.  But then she didn’t know what that meant, although she had heard it before.  She had to Google it lol and then she asked me how to say it back in Spanish.

She’s amazing…I don’t even know how to…describe it.

My best friend is also in a relationship and he has been pressuring her to sleep with him and he makes her upset a lot and then I think about my relationship and I just keep…I am so grateful that my girlfriend has been so patient and kind…she’s never pressured me into anything nor has she made me upset.

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The only thing that bothered me was that she smoked pot but she was really open about it the first day we hung out outside of work and she quit because I don’t like it.

Our one month was on March 27th…she was really cute, when I was in school she tied a heart balloon to my car with a huge bag of peanut m&m’s (my favorite candy) and it was really sweet..I wish I had taken a photo of it though.

Anyway, because I am sneaking around with her since my family disapproves of her, the balloon is still in the trunk of my car.

I really loathe sneaking around but…I don’t know what else to do right now.

My family hasn’t discussed my sexuality with me since I’ve come out over a month ago nor have they ever brought my girlfriend’s name up again…I don’t know if any of it will come up in the future or what, but it makes me anxious.

At least my relationship with my girlfriend feels healthy and really lovely…and my friends are cool.  I just wish my family could be there for me too…maybe one day down the road.

I hope “one day down the road” is really soon though because of my interests for college and…I’ll talk about it in another blog at a later time.

Anyway, I’m gonna get some stuff done now.  I hope you’re all doing well xx


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