Speaking My Mind

Friday At The Fair

On Friday I stopped by my job, where my girlfriend was, to hang out with her during her break.  She had said she got something for me a few days before, and we barely saw each other last week so when we were actually together she said she wanted to give it to me.

I became incredibly nervous because not only does receiving gifts make me uncomfortable sometimes, my best friend had said that Janice* had texted her a pic of what the gift was and that she told Janice that she should wait until at least our three months to give it to me because she thought it would make me uncomfortable.

So she sat in my car with the gift and I paced around the car, freaking out because of what my best friend said.  My girlfriend was also a bit nervous because of what my best friend had said haha

Well eventually she gave it to me…here’s what she gave me…

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It’s this beautiful Pandora bracelet.  At the time, I didn’t notice that it was Pandora nor was I really familiar with Pandora.  If I was more familiar with their jewelry, then I probably would’ve been very uncomfortable because Pandora is flipping expensive.  And now that I know that Pandora is some quality jewelry…I know why my best friend had said that this gift would make me uncomfortable…does it make me uncomfortable now that I know some stuff about the Pandora company?  Yes and no.

Yes because it’s not cheap and no because it seems she spent a long time picking it out for me, which I think is very sweet.

When she gave it to me she had said that she had been wanting to get something for me for awhile but didn’t know what…and then she got me this.  And she’s the type of person that likes to get people gifts without needing a reason, but just because you can and because you love them, which I think is very sweet.  I feel the same way, I’ve gotten her little gifts randomly over the past few months that we’ve been together to show her that I care about her and that I love her… but I haven’t gotten her anything as extravagant like…this bracelet.  At least not yet.

But extravagance aside, I really really love this bracelet because all the beads mean something, and she picked them out for me herself (and with the help of her best friend too).  I think it’s sweet…like she had me in mind when she was shopping…it makes me feel fuzzy inside.

(It’s kind of perfect too that I lost the matching bracelets I got for the both of is the day before. Those bracelets had an infinity symbol on it and it said “you” and “me” and had a heart on it. Mine fell off during pin dodge the day before she got me this fancy new one.)

Anyway…so about the beads…

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The one on top is a bead with jewels that are linked in either sets of two or three.  This bead means Trust.

The pinkish bead means Passion.

The sparkly bead…I don’t know how to describe the design…it’s like a wave that is bedazzled…well that bead means Happiness.

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The top bead in this photo is the clasp and it says Pandora on it.

The bead below it is arguably my favorite.  It is a band that goes around the entire bead and the band is sparkly and it means Stability.  I love this one so much because I feel like my life over the past few years has been inconsistent…people just coming and going, life in general changing.  Life should consistently be changing but I don’t know…I feel like my high school years have been all over the place.  But that’s part of growing up too.

The idea that this bead presents…having stability within a relationship…I just really like that idea.  Especially considering that in the fall I will be leaving my home behind and my friends and family, and my friends will be leaving me too, to attend college.  I don’t remember the last time I’ve been so happy and felt so…complete.  And in the fall it’s all going away it seems like…but my girlfriend wants to stay with me and make things work…and we do have a great relationship now, in my opinion.  Having her stay with me through all this change is really comforting…especially because I feel like I can’t talk to my family about things that are important to me and I feel like I’m pretending to be someone that they want me to be instead of being who I am.  With my girlfriend, I am shamelessly myself and she’s probably the most stable thing that I have going for me, and I want it to stay that way.  Evidently, it’s a comforting and lovely bead.

The final bead symbolized Love.  I love her.

Anyway, she went back to work and then I went to work at my other job (I have two jobs).  After we both got out of work we met up at a fair that was going on in her town.  It was really fun.  My girlfriend and I went on the ferris wheel and kissed a bit beneath the stars…  Here’s a pic of that…

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I know, it’s a terrible picture but I like it anyway 🙂  She’s the one on the left.

Here’s a picture of my best friend and her boyfriend, who were behind us on the ferris wheel.

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They’re not kissing, they’re just staring at me as I take an even crappier photo than the one I took of me and my girlfriend lol

Lastly, here’s a picture that my best friend took of the fair.  It’s from the fair from last year.

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The girl I used to like came to the fair with us and because Janice has read every single thing I’ve written on this website, she knew about this girl but I didn’t feel weird having them both meet each other and everything.  Regardless of how I felt about certain people in the past, I told my girlfriend that my heart is all hers…it really is.  We were clinging to each other that night, it was really lovely.

After the fair, my girlfriend and I left to go to her house, although we couldn’t go inside because her mom was still awake.  Instead we talked to her sister and her sister’s new girlfriend (they’re girlfriends as of today) and then I drove my girlfriend to her car.  We kissed for a little bit and then I had to go home to make my curfew…I didn’t want to leave her though.  I was gonna drive off to my house with her, but she wouldn’t let me because I would get into trouble.

It was weird…I’ve missed her plenty of times and there have been many other times when I wanted her to be there, but she’s not because she sleeps late…then she’s at work late…then she’s with her sister/friends late…and then around 12:30-1am, sometimes she’ll call me.  I told her that Friday before she gave me the bracelet that sometimes I just want her to…I just want to…talk…to be there for each other.  I was sad because she would spend time with everyone else in the world and then spend an hour or so talking to me before passing out…but the reason for that is because I’m busy, and she’s busy…and sometimes our schedules just don’t work out together and so we can’t see each other or talk much.

She said though that if I want to talk to her and she’s with her friends, that I can just call her or I can ask her to call me at an earlier hour before she goes out.  It was nice of her to say that and I think she means it but I am nervous because I don’t want her to feel like I’m controlling her…unless I’m really upset I won’t call her when she’s out or anything.  I don’t wanna become a burden or…that girlfriend that is so needy or…I don’t wanna be needy but I don’t think I’m needy, I just miss her when I don’t see her for a few days.  It’s a natural feeling though, and it’ll probably feel more intense when I’m in college.  That makes me nervous though…I honestly don’t know how I’m going to handle longer periods of longing for her.  But together, hopefully it’ll be alright.

Anyway, goodnight all xx

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