Speaking My Mind

Gladiators Don’t Run, They Fight

There are about two months left of school, and then I’m off on a plane to Europe where I will get drunk in every country and hopefully hit up a couple of gay bars.

 My sophomore year has been…a challenge. Part of that has been due to unpleasant situations but I feel like most of it has been due to how I react to the situations. I permit negative events and people wear me down to the point where I can’t sleep or accomplish any work. There was one weekend in particular…it was after I hooked up with that guy for the last time…where I could not stop crying because I was having an emotional breakdown. It negatively impacted my academics and…I can’t allow that to happen. Now I have to work five times as hard to pull B’s in some classes.
I’ve been going back to therapy to help me get my mental sanity back on track so I can do the best I can academically for the remainder of the semester. Unfortunately, the woman I was seeing last year referred me to a graduate student because she is busy. The guy is clearly not a professional yet and I don’t like him nearly as much as I liked her, but it’s all I have right now, and he’s very nice at least.
Since I’ve been attending therapy again, I’ve been focusing more on relationships that aren’t so…difficult to grow and maintain. Relationships that make me happy. So far, it’s made me a ton happier. I’ve also been trying to make some new friends, since I currently have like one and half friends at college. Long story short, the friends I hung out with last semester dropped me for some reason, leaving me with like one person. The half friend is only half a friend because she always cancels on me to hang out with her boyfriend.
I’m also trying to focus on the fact that I only have two months left of school. Maybe the next two months won’t be great socially…maybe I’ll be incredibly lonely but it’s just two months! Then I’m going to Europe, and after that I move into my apartment…and I’m going to get a job! Perhaps it’ll be a minimum-wage job or maybe I’ll get an internship in my field!  I’m going to do beach trips and hang out with my close friends from home…and then I’m going to take a summer class towards the end of the summer. It’s going to be a great summer of exploration, self-discovery, and self-improvement.
I talk to my friend Tyler about once a week, and he didn’t know that I was going to be doing all these things this summer because whenever I talked to him, it was about how lonely I was or something like that. He made me realize that I need to just…focus more on the positives. It’s hard for me sometimes but I got to keep trying because it’ll help me finish of this academic year strong.  I’m not going to succumb to my sadness, loneliness, and self-pity, I’m going to fight through it and come out on top because I am a gladiator, like Olivia Pope.  (I love that show. I’ve been binge-watching it, it’s ruining my life lol)
xo Vic

One Comment

  • Jenn X

    Maybe quit parting so much ie Drinking and positive thinking turns into a positive life. Self pity and doubt is what gets us the not so great vibes. Your in control of your own destiny.

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