Speaking My Mind

Headaches and Stomach Aches

I feel extremely unsettled right now…it’s most likely because my ex emailed me back this morning.

I sent her an email asking her to send my stuff back with my address and I added that I hope things are going well and if she needs a friend then I’m still here for her.

She replied with something about not to worry about my stuff because she’s not a complete asshole and wouldn’t do anything to it…she asked for her stuff back too and then said “Thank you I appreciate it and the same goes for you.”

My initial reaction was “You’re not a “complete asshole?” HA well last time I checked “complete assholes” end serious relationships through text…”complete assholes”…I’m not even going to rant about all the things I’ve believed she did that make her a complete asshole.  But basically, I thought what she said was funny because she is a complete asshole.

With the part about “the same goes for you” I took that to mean that I can reach out to her too if I want so I responded with something sassy like “I wouldn’t reach out to you because when I have you ignored me…”

…I’m just feeling really aggravated I guess.  I feel disrespected and…hurt and she’s claiming she’s not a complete asshole and possibly saying that she’s there for me too, although maybe she meant that she hopes I’m doing well…I don’t fucking know.  I’m just annoyed and tired of…having headaches from her meanwhile she’s probably having a grand ol’ time fucking around.  I don’t mean that she’s sleeping around, I mean that she’s just hanging out and stuff but for all I know she’s getting laid too.  Good for her.

I think if I felt respected and appreciated by her, I wouldn’t feel so shitty right now…So I took the liberty to write a reply to my email for her that expresses respect and appreciation for me.

To: The Woman I Failed

Subject: I hope you can forgive me although I am undeserving.

Dear Victoria (AKA the most amazing woman I’ve ever known),

Never mind, I am a complete asshole.  I realize that now and I profusely apologize that you dated me for seven long months.  It must’ve been excruciating to deal with me considering I do not know how to show basic respect for people.  Ever since you’ve opened my eyes to my assholeness, I’ve taken the initiative to better myself.  In the meantime though, I want you to know that you were the best girlfriend I ever had and that I’m undeserving of you because you are too compassionate and kind when all I was was a jerk to you.  You deserve better, and I hope you find that person soon.

I hope we can be friends, although I am so undeserving of your friendship, but I would like you to still be in my life because I want to become more like you…someone that is kind.

I deeply regret the way I treated you and to help show my regret, I’ve sent you 1000 yellow daisies and 50 family-sized bags of dark chocolate peanut m&ms.  I’m sorry I didn’t pay close enough attention to you that I didn’t realize you prefer the dark chocolate ones over the milk chocolate, which I kept buying you.

Anyway, I hope your life is better without me since I’ve realized now that I was only weighing you down.  You deserve the best Victoria, never forget that.  You are a strong, independent woman who’s hilarious and loving…don’t let anyone make you think otherwise, including dipshits like me.

Thank you for making me want to be a better person, take care.


Your Ex (who is undeserving of you)

Yup, I feel better now.

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