I came out through text message to my friend…I’ll call her “Ariana.”
I met her two summers ago…June 2012. We did a week-long summer program at Barnard College in Manhattan. I had spent the first two nights alone, then I met her in the bathroom and asked if she wanted to hang out with me. Ever since then, we have been friends. Although we don’t live nearby each other, we try to get together every once in awhile. She currently goes to an all-women’s college five hours away.
Before she went to college, we met up in Manhattan and we were talking about sexuality. I had just disclosed all the details of my online fling and all the rebounds…and then we talked about what it would be like to go to a school where there are no men around. My friend is rather…sexual…? She likes to have a good time, especially with boys. She was a little nervous about the absence of boys, and then I said something about how she can always hook up with a girl. She said that she wouldn’t object to that. If she likes a woman, why not?
Ariana is cool. That’s why I felt the most comfortable coming out to her. I knew that she would be cool with it.
Tonight, she sent me a video from her graduation party I attended last summer. Then we started talking a bit and…well here’s the conversation…
Then I expressed my frustrations regarding labels and my crush and she replied with…
What she said is what everyone has been telling me, and what I believe myself. But at the same time…I would like to label myself just so I can feel like I am part of a group. Because right now all I feel is confused and sexual. And I feel alone too.
Now that I’ve become a WHOLE lot more comfortable with what gender I’m attracted to, I have been struggling with preventing myself from verbalizing my attraction to women. My sister will make a comment about a guy that she likes and I just want to say something about the girl over there but I don’t want to…I don’t want to…I’m just scared to come out to my sister. I’m pretty sure she’ll be cool about it but I’m scared that she’ll regard me differently for awhile.
Anyway, I’m glad that I came out to Ariana. It’s nice to receive some positivity and support. Too bad her school is so far away though. I would totally visit and meet all her lesbian friends…
In the meantime, I will carry around the mix CD I made for my manager until I see her.
Goodnight, WordPress xx
And to my friend, “Ariana”, have a safe trip! x