Speaking My Mind

I’ve Got Sunshine On A Cloudy Day

Seventeen magazine had said that in January I would be flirting with two hotties (which I was: my manager who I started talking to two days before I saw my horoscope, and my former best friend who I’ve been reconnecting with for awhile and is straight) and that one of them is compatible with me. On the 26th I was supposed to know which person is for me.

I don’t believe in horoscopes. I like to read them though because I think it’s cool when they are somewhat relevant to my life, and I wonder how many other Scorpios (that’s my horoscope) relate to the horoscope, which in turn means that they relate to me. It’s a connection of astrology. I find it neat.

Regardless of my fascination with horoscopes, I have never believed in them nor have I ever deemed horoscopes to be correct. Except for the one that I stated above. Then again, my horoscope was actually not correct because I had known she was the one that was most compatible with me after a few days of talking, regardless of my questioning our compatibility when I found out that she smokes pot. Pot irks me.

Anyway, today is the 27th and I forgot that the 26th, the official day that I was supposed to know if she was the person for me, has passed.

Did anything happen yesterday that reaffirmed that she was the person for me?

….no. I spent most of yesterday not talking to her because I was studying or…”studying”. I did text her later last night during the Grammy’s though. I confessed to her that I had died inside (in a good way) that one time that she had gotten mad at work and almost whacked me with the door because she had grabbed my waist…she was all: omg Victoria you just melted my heart I didn’t think I could make anyone feel that way…

Other than that, there was nothing that happened on the 26th that screamed “VICTORIA YOU ARE MEANT TO BE WITH THIS GIRL!!!”

However, there have been other times, before the magical 26th and after that has caused me to like her even more than I did when I was just admiring her from afar a few months ago.

We have a lot in common, my girl and I. We have little things in common, like favorite ice cream flavor, favorite music, etc. But we also have similar values, such as honesty, family, work ethics.

We have a lot of differences too. She loves wrestling and football (specifically the Patriots) and I don’t watch sports (except for tennis sometimes). She enjoys romance movies, I prefer comedies. There are others too, but I didn’t want to make a list about her here. I want to talk about…Thursday.

Thursday was the first day of midterms. I didn’t have to go to school for exams because I was exempt/didn’t have any, meanwhile my sister went in for the full day because she had two exams.

After my sister went to school and my mom went to work, I went to my job to see my girl. She was opening the store that day. I brought my iPad so I could study while she was working, but when I got there, she didn’t work until I left. It was difficult to study with her sitting beside me, her knee resting casually against my leg.

Aside from freaking out because of her nearness to me, I was also freaking out because a few of her friends were there. The friends that were there also work at my job. They’re my coworkers, she’s technically their boss.

I knew that they know about how we’ve been seeing each other because they’re her friends from middle school, even beyond that. But I didn’t realize that some of my other coworkers knew about us too.

The older woman that trained me knows because she’s like a mom figure for my girl and my girl tells her everything. Another girl that had me for Secret Santa knows because she’s friends with my girl too. The girl I don’t like very much suspects that we’re seeing each other because she whispered “cute” to my girl when she saw us sitting next to each other. A coworker that is seeing the girl I don’t like may know now because my girl is his confident.

If a few more people know or find out once I start working again this weekend (I haven’t worked the last two weeks) then EVERYONE will know except for the other two bosses that I have. I doubt this secret (which isn’t even much of a secret yet because all we’ve been doing is hanging out, trying to get to know each other) will remain a secret much longer.

The crazy thing is is that one of the other two bosses I have has mentioned to my girl the idea of a manager dating an employee. Apparently he has a thing for the guy that confides in my girl. That guy that confides in my girl is an alcoholic at age 17 and has done heroin.

The girl I don’t like that is seeing the alcoholic minor yelled at my girl when I was there on Thursday because my girl had known about the guy doing heroin last weekend, and my girl didn’t tell the girl that I don’t like. The girl that I don’t like made my girl promise to tell her anything else that the guy says.

My job is full of drama and lust. I want to get out of there.

Later that same Thursday, I went out with my girl to Starbucks. We talked about random things and work as well. As it turns out, many of the cooks in the back (except for two or so) get high before work. They’re all freaking potheads.

I’ve been working at my job since July, how could I not have fucking noticed that everyone was stoned???? My ignorance and naivety frightens me, especially because I am going to college in the fall. How am I going to survive in college at a big campus without any fucking street smarts?!?!?!

All this new information that I have gathered from my girl has made me want to quit my job even more than I did a few months ago. Yeah, I’ve been wanting to quit my job for forever because I felt/feel like an outsider, I thought my girl liked the girl that I don’t like and I was too consumed with jealousy, and my job is just exhausting.

But then Saturday happened.

I had been dying for a burger all day, and so after I had returned home from Manhattan after seeing Motown with my family, my dad took me to pick up burgers from my job for the family.

My girl was there as well as one of my other bosses. My other boss gave me a huge hug and joked with me and my coworkers were teasing me because I’m silly sometimes and then my dad goes “Man, it’s like they really know you.”

And then I thought…they do, I guess. I mean, I’ve been working there since July, and although I only work weekends now, in the summer I worked a lot. I’ve worked with all of them for hours at a time. I have never felt that I belong at my job, since I had always felt like everyone was friends with each other, even the workers that came after me were friends with everyone else, except for me. But now that I look back, I think I can only blame myself for feeling ostrasized. I didn’t ostracize myself on purpose, but because I was always intimidated by them and felt awkward around them, I avoided them. I only had a conversation about stuff other than school with a small handful of people, many who I no longer work with because of our different schedules, new positions, or because they quit.

My coworkers have always teased me or tried to joke around with me, but I have always been too…uncomfortable to joke back and build a relationship.

So when my coworkers were teasing me on Sataurday, it wasn’t because now my girl and I are talking, it was because it’s the relationship that I have with them. I didn’t realize it until that night that they weren’t trying to embarrass me by calling me out on all the mistakes I make and ostracizing me based on those mistakes, they were just joking around with me. Including me.

Sheesh, I didn’t intend for this to be such a long blog…but I’m glad I wrote all my experiences, realizations, and reflections down. It’s nice to document aspects of my life because down the road I can look at this post and remember events and “growing up” moments that I would have otherwise forgotten.

Anywho, I shall now go. If you read this entire thing, or even a part of it, thank you. If you only read part of it then you wouldn’t have seen the “thank you” part though lol

Have a good night and I hope the rest of the week is awesome for you all 🙂 xx


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