I came out to my friend and my sister yesterday, January 8th. They both took it really well, which was awesome.
I told my friend, Melissa, first. I picked her up at her house during lunch and I told her that I wasn’t completely straight, that I liked girls and that I had a crush on a girl that I work with who also happens to be my boss.
My friend didn’t miss a beat and after I told her the entire situation she gave me all this love advice. She’s amazing.
I told my sister when I was driving to Walgreens (talking while driving is the best thing ever because you don’t have to look at them while you’re confessing your soul/heart).
My sister was amazing as well. She thought I was silly for thinking that she wouldn’t accept me, considering that her friend is gay and that she is extremely supportive of the LGBTQ community. Then in the parking lot at Starbucks we had a long discussion about feminism and sexuality and it was so liberating and amazing to be honest with my sister, who is also my best friend. I felt like we connected more. Like we’re closer.
I didn’t tell my sister that I have a huge crush on my boss and that we’ve been texting nonstop yet, I’m going to tell her tomorrow. I feel like she’ll be disappointed in me like: how could you crush on your boss and be talking to her she’s your BOSS
That, and I was scared to talk to her about liking another girl but…I’ll tell her tomorrow I want her to know.
Anyway…yesterday was a romantically dramatic day. The whole “coming out” was the easiest part.
My boss…I’m going to stop calling her that. It’s weirding me out. She didn’t hire me or anything she just manages the workers and does other manger-like things…I’m going to call her Janice. Janice isn’t her actual name.
I had gotten all the packages I had been expecting yesterday. I got my fifth pair of Docs, a Radiohead album, a Bratmobile album, and conveniently my rainbow pride ring on the same day that I came out to a few people. I told Janice that I got all those things and when then she said “pride ring?!?” and I was like “yeah” and she was like “i’ve been meaning to get one but I never have”
Well…in my head I took the whole “pride ring?!?” tidbit to suggest that either A. she was shocked that I would get a ring to represent my queer pride or B. she was shocked that I would have a pride ring because she thought I was super straight which would most likely mean that she doesn’t like me because she had always assumed that I was straight.
The idea of her only being insanely friendly to me for the past few days simply because she wanted to get to know me as a person made me feel extremely sad and very silly for having thought she liked me romantically and for being excited about it.
I felt so sad that I told her goodbye.
In response she said that she was sorry for scaring me away and that she was at least glad she had gotten to know some things about me.
I wallowed at my pity party for one and then after forty five minutes I texted my friend about what had happened since I had just told her about me talking to Janice and about me feeling so excited about it.
She told me to text Janice back and say that I wasn’t scared away, because regardless of what she did or did not mean in the little tidbit about the pride ring, I would have probably offended her if I left that last text hanging.
Soooo…I texted Janice back and told her that she didn’t scare me away and that I was glad I had gotten to know her a bit too.
Then she sent me a text that warmed up my whole body and the butterflies started flying…she said she had actually been wanting to get to know me for a long time now.
After THAT she said that she thinks I seem interesting, that everyone at work seems to be the same and because I seem different she has wanted to get to know me. She said ever since the first day when I went into my job and we sat at the tables and I was wearing a Never Shout Never tshirt (she loves his music) she has wanted to talk to me so badly but she is shy, like me.
I mentioned this girl…I’ll call her Olive. I have written about Olive before because I am jealous that Olive seems so connected with Janice and I wasn’t…
Janice said that that she’s not very interested in getting to know her as well as some of the other guys I work with in the front. Apparently Olive doesn’t get along with a few people too.
Then she said that she loves working with me because I’m an awesome worker.
I went to bed as a puddle of mush last night haha oh gosh…I really like her.
I would just post all the lovely texts that made me swoon but I felt like that was a violation of potentially romantic privacy. So for now, I shall keep them to myself.
I will finally see her at work on Saturday…I’m excited because I am dying to see her but I’m also nervous because I’m not sure what to expect…will we talk more at work…? Will she act like we haven’t been talking…??
I don’t know but it’s awful…this feeling of being unsure.
I felt this way when I had an online relationship. We had been texting, calling, and video chatting for about two months when we finally met up. It was awful because my shyness got the best of me and I could barely maintain eye contact with him.
But with Janice…it’s different because I’ve known her since July and…she doesn’t try to make me nervous or anything, unlike my online boy. My online boy was very…upfront and immature at times and…he liked to make me blush.
But Janice…she is shy too and she’s insanely understanding and kind and supportive…
At least I have to give her the CD so I can do that when I first see her…and then I won’t have to desperately grapple for conversation starters. Hooray!
Anyway, I’ve blabbed enough about my life for the night…hope you all are doing well 🙂