I wrote this with the intention of posting it around the beginning of the New Year but clearly, that is not the case. I’ve decided to make the first of February my New Year since January wasn’t my favorite month and I feel like I fucked many things up so…Happy New Year!! Whooooo!
Here’s the original post:
The spark I had last year has long been extinguished and I just..feel like crap constantly. The fall semester sucked because I didn’t like many of my classes, my social life consisted of flaky, asshole friends and getting wasted every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to forget about the rest of the week, hooking up, not working out, and I have had no drive, motivation, or self-pride.
It’s been really bad. I thought winter break would help me feel better but instead I’m even more mopey. I have a trip next week to DC, which I was super ecstatic for last year but now I could give less of a shit. Ugh. I need to get out of this sophomore slump or else I’m gonna be miserable and fuck myself over so…here are a list of goals, or cinnamon goals as Hannah Hart says, that I have for myself this year to make the spring semester my comeback of the year.
- Go to the gym two times a week. – I got really buff last year, but I’ve completely let myself go. So all through the rest of January and into February, I’m going to go to the gym twice a week. Then, as I rebuild some confidence and maintain this routine, I’ll increase the frequency to three times a week in March.
- Party less. – Instead of partying three times a week, I’m going to reduce it to one time a week. Three times a week was a lot of partying..I often didn’t get up until 1am so my weekends were super unproductive, especially considering how that only gave me a couple hours to do work because the pre-games started at 8pm. (An exception to this rule is syllabus week).
- Engage more with people that reach out to you. Focus less on people that don’t. – Every time I got drunk, I texted this girl that never gave me the time of day…I got to stop! Focus on people that show that they care and want to spend time with me! I also need to hang with people that actually like to do activities with me, not just party. I want well-balanced friends. Lastly, I need to stop trusting people instantly and assume we’re best friends. It’s always a disappointing outcome.
- Forgive those that have hurt me. I tend to hold grudges…many of them being subconscious. I’ve realized this when it comes to my parents and as I’ve become more romantically involved with someone new. Old wounds that I thought had healed with time actually never healed, they still hurt. Time only covered them up by allowing the pain to dull for awhile. For some bizarre and awful reason, I am convinced that how I was treated by cruel people before, I’ll be treated like that again by everyone I meet. I need to work through these thoughts and focus on letting them go. I’m not sure how to go about it though..therapy again? Yoga? I don’t know. I need to figure this out..any suggestions?
- Join another club. It’ll help me meet more people and it’ll inspire me, which I desperately need.
- Speak my mind, because my silence will not protect me. – Be unafraid to share my romantic emotions. Be unafraid to ask for what I want.
- Have alone time twice a week. – One of these days should be during the week to give myself a break, and another day should be on the weekend, instead of partying. Value myself more.
- Get closer to my family. -Be less afraid to be myself around them. Bond with them more.
- Research/Internship. -If not this summer, definitely next summer.
- Learn how to blow bubbles with gum. – When everyone was learning how to blow bubbles, I had braces so I never learned.
- Stop apologizing for being an adult who is still learning what matters, who matters, and which direction to go. – Thought Catalog
In March or April, maybe I’ll follow up with my progress and/or additions to my Cinnamon Goals.
What have been your goals for 2016, and how are they coming along??