I really hate gym. I have hyperactive sweat glands as it is, I don’t want to exert energy and become even sweatier. Let alone be sweating in the early morning, which is unfortunately when I have gym class.
My sister and I were walking to get a basketball and I was bitching about how I hate gym, how I don’t want a basketball, that I hate basketball…then I made a joke saying “I hate all balls”. Although I was joking, when I made that statement I instantly thought of my “up-in-the-air/questioning” sexuality and how I have been considering discussing with my sister about my questioning. She was thinking of sexuality too, apparently because she turned to stare at me in the eyes, stone-faced and asked, “Is that your way of coming out to me?”
I was taken aback and moritified, so I laughed it off. I laugh when I’m nervous. I laugh a lot.
She moved on and got a basketball, I trailed after her afraid she’ll bring it up again later. She didn’t. I was probably overreacting. And she was probably joking but in a very serious manner…regardless, it was unsettling.
Because of that experience, I decided that in no way am I ready to talk to her about my sexuality. For now I will just type my thoughts and read and think and feel things and see what I come to discover. Hopefully I’ll come to terms with it and be able to discuss it later.
When I was on Amazon, buying a book, I came across a book called Queer: The Ultimate LGBT Guide For Teens. I was debating whether I should buy it or not, and eventually I did. It has fantastic reviews and I read a preview and found it to be funny, informational, and supportive. Now I am reading two books, with another two yet to read. All four books deal with feminism and/or sexuality. I find it all thoroughly interesting, and I’m passionate about it, which is why I want to study these topics in college. I’m excited for college.
I am doing an overnight event (Monday-Tuesday) at the college I got into. I’m doing it through the all-women’s residential college. I’m so excited to experience some classes and other activities, as well as meeting students. It’s going to be rad.
In the meantime, I should go to sleep. It’s past one am…I have to work basically the entire day tomorrow. My coworker split with his girlfriend (my friend) and I’m a bit nervous if things will be awkward…I really hope not though. It may be alright. I don’t know.
But on Sunday I’m hoping to hang out with my friend because she’s sad about the breakup and it’d just be nice to hang out.
Oh! And Happy No-Shave November! It’s a bit belated but…schedule a prostate exam (if you have one)!!
I am enjoying this month by not shaving my legs at all, not even for a maintenance shave. So far I’m a bit furry and I cut down my showering time by a whole seven minutes. My legs are also warmer now. That’s why we have hair. To keep warm, among other purposes.
Well, goodnight all x