• Speaking My Mind,  unzipped lips

    Finally Re-Unzipping My Lips: Friendships

    I think this is one of the longest periods I’ve gone without writing since I got into online writing forums about four years ago.  I haven’t been too busy to write, nor have I not known what to write…the truth is, I have been causing myself unnecessary mental suffering and not until more recently, I’ve mostly overcome it through the aid of counseling, exercise, and meditation.  This first year in college has challenged me academically as well as personally.  The hardest part of college has been navigating the personal development and growth, including the experiences that occurred before college, which continues to affect me.  The last three weeks have proved to me that I am, and will continue to be, okay.  Actually, I will be great.

    Last night really proved it to me…

  • Speaking My Mind

    My Epiphany

    I had an epiphany last week and ever since I’ve been feeling a lot more upbeat…granted I still feel sad once in awhile but for the most part I’ve been a whole lot better.  The passing of time may have contributed to me feeling more content as well but anyway…I just wanted to share my thoughts.

    I’ve realized that it’s okay to still be upset about how things fell apart with my ex, but I shouldn’t let feeling sad about that hinder me from doing and achieving things. I’ve also learned the power of gratefulness…acknowledging people that are in your life and have stuck by your side is a really heartwarming realization and it feels really good to say ‘thanks’ and make them feel appreciated.  Valuing those people that are truly there for you, both new and old, rather than that one person that doesn’t seem to give a shit about you anymore is helpful to stop you from feeling so upset about a breakup or an exfriend…by acknowledging and appreciating the people that are in your life rather than that one person that left makes you feel loved and worthy of love.  I follow a lot of “positive quote” Facebook accounts and it’s nice having my entire feed be flooded with inspiration and positivity.  Most of the quotes and pictures have provided me with some comfort and have helped me move forward.  Being surrounded by inspiring, powerful women that I look up to and want to be like has been really helpful too…seeing all the opportunities that are available to me at college and how they can help me become like these strong women are motivating.  Seeing how my role models interact with people…romantically or just as friends…and seeing what they do to achieve their goals has given me a model for what I want/what I should do to get to that point.  Wearing clothes that make me feel attractive, strong, or whatever adjective I want to feel, has helped me look at myself positively in the mirror rather than seeing a lost loser girl…appearances aren’t everything but for me, the way I look affects my mood and my mood affects the way I dress so if I pick out something that I like to wear and that makes me feel beautiful then I’ll generally feel happy and then I’ll pick empowering outfits for the rest of the week and stuff.  Wearing things that make me feel good causes me to smile more, which instantly boosts my mood, and sometimes people will compliment me on my outfit or makeup and it makes me feel even happier.

    Not only has all these little epiphanies enabled me to be less sad about my ex, but it also has helped me overcome feeling so lost at college and it has given me more solid goals for my future, which will help me get more assimilated and stuff so yeah…I’ve just been finding a lot of role models and inspirational things in my life and finding happiness in the small things, like conversations with strangers on the bus.  It has helped me feel more positive and I think feeling positive attracts people to approach you and communicate with you so then you end up feeling even happier…it’s a win-win.

    I hope some of my epiphanies will help you guys, girls, and everyone in-between find strength in yourselves and strive for your dreams…also, LOVE YOURSELF…it’s a process and you’re not always going to love yourself but trying to do so will improve your life dramatically.  Hope you’re all having a great weekend, stay safe and warm! xo

    -Vic

    “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”

  • Poetry,  Speaking My Mind

    Why I’m Here

    She tells me to speak my mind all the time…
    It’s ironic because that is the purpose of my website
    And she’s never seen it
    Because I’m scared to share
    I want to unzip my bright red lips
    I at least want to try
    I’m here because…
    I’m not always eloquent with my words
    And I’m terrified to express myself when I’m distressed or upset
    Talking about your feelings makes you vulnerable
    It opens you up to being torn to shreds
    And I don’t know…
    If unzipping my lips has really been worth it
    I try to be honest
    It has only bitten me in the ass
    Some people have really hurt me, and it makes me feel sad
    Plus, everyone is leaving
    I’m going to be leaving too soon
    It’s scary although exciting to be going somewhere new
    But I don’t know…
    If I am really ready
    She promises I won’t be doing it all alone
    She’ll be here because our love is rock steady
    She says I can hang out with her when I am home
    I just don’t know anymore…
    Everyone says to take things day by day
    It’ll take some of my stress away
    Things will be better in college
    It’s your time to shine
    To be yourself…
    I hope so
    And I hope things will turn out alright
    For now, however
    I’ll be here
    Trying to unzip the broken zipper
    On my bright red lips

    © 2014 Vic Romero

  • Poetry,  Speaking My Mind

    No More Apologies

    god i’m so sorry i have broken your heart i’m so sorry i have gone about this all wrong i’m so sorry i have wished all along that we could get along but i screw it all up and i’m so sorry i keep tearing you apart with every article of clothing that i pack it feels to you like a smack like a stab in the back i’m so sorry that this hurts you so bad i’m sorry but it hurts me too my heart is covered with black and blues and i’m sorry i hadn’t told you the truth but it’s hard to be honest when i couldn’t even be honest with myself i didn’t know how to go to you i didn’t know how to ask for help i’m sorry but i was lying in the dirt of the tears that i had been crying for hours for days for years i was dying for so long but at least all of my tears showered the withered flowers so they lived on so they grew up to be strong as i was corroding away as i was deteriorating into dust but at least i becoming something because before i was nothing i was just living to waste my time until i died i was making the motions and imitating life…

    but now i feel whole i feel content with myself and i don’t apologize for finally being who i am

    © 2014 Vic Romero

  • Poetry,  Speaking My Mind

    “This Was A Prison”

    from google images

    No one knows

    My inner heart

    Where my feelings are conflicted

    And restricted…

    They all say “you’re in the closet”

    But I feel more like I’m imprisoned

    Trapped inside myself

    Dark, solitary confinement

    In the dark

    I can still hear

    Homophobic slurs

    The disgusting jeers

    Violence and hate are used to create

    Humiliation and shame

    And loveless preachers preach that hell is a queer person’s fate

    Yet the outed walk hand in hand with their dates

    Pride shines on each face

    I long to be with them

    But for now, I’m safe

    I’m behind bars

    Locked away

    In the dark

    Where it’s quiet

    Where I’m surpressed

    My feelings

    My thoughts

    Passion and lust for love

    Are all safe from hate

    I hate that I have to “come out”

    Why can’t a girl loving another girl be a norm?

    It’s just the way some girls are born…

    But even after many years

    Many people coming out

    And being proud

    It’s still not widely accepted

    In some places, being queer is not even talked about

    At least I now know

    And I can admit it

    I like girls

    I like them a lot

    But journal, you’re the only one that knows

    You’re the only one that I can

    Talk to

    And it sucks that in this jail

    This closet

    I am alone.

    © 2013-2014 Vic Romero

    <<wrote this on 14 December 2013 before I came out to a few people…although I have come out to the most important people in my life (excluding my parents), I still feel like I’m in the closet (especially because my parents don’t know) but at least now I have people (and an amazing girl) to connect to and talk about my sexuality with.  Anyway, below is the quote that inspired me to write this poem.  The quote below that one is a great reflection of how I feel about my sexuality nowadays.  Thank you for reading 🙂 >>

    “They got it wrong when they called it “the closet.” This was a prison. Solitary confinement. I was locked inside, inside myself, dark and afraid and alone. (Chapter. 23)”
    ― Julie Anne Peters, Keeping You a Secret

    “The best thing about coming out is, it’s totally liberating. You feel like you’ve made this incredible discovery about yourself and you want to share it and be open and honest and not spend all your time wondering how is this person going to react, or should I be careful around this person, or what will the neighbors say? And it’s more. It’s about getting past the question of what’s wrong with me, to knowing there’s nothing wrong, that you were born this way. You’re a normal person and a beautiful person and you should be proud of who you are. You deserve to live with dignity and show people your pride.”

    ― Julie Anne Peters, Keeping You a Secret

  • Poetry

    Journey To Acceptance

    I look away, but the expression on your face

    Is imprinted in my mind.

    Eyebrows pulled together,

    A stare that would set fire to the toughest of feathers

    I’m being critically analyzed.

     

    Shrinking away,

    I retreat into the depths of my brain

    To a place where I haven’t been in awhile…

     

    I feel your voice try to lure me back,

    But your soft tone only forces me forward,

    Onto the train tracks.

    I walk along them, refusing to look behind

    It’s quieter here in my mind

     

    No strange looks and no judgement

    I follow the tracks to the summit

    Peering down from the top,

    The water crashes on the rocks

    My heart is eager and my stomach drops

     

    I plunge in

    My body hits the water,

    Burning as if it had fallen onto cement

    The air in my lungs whooshes out

    I gasp desperately, completely spent

    Sinking lower and lower,

    The water gets colder

    And my body feels compressed into itself

     

    I open my eyes,

    Wanting to see one last thing before I die

    And to my surprise

    Mermaids thrive at the bottom

    Swimming quickly, as if in full throttle

    Many harmonize together,

    Carefully braiding each others’ hair

    Staring at me as I sink deeper into the depths of me

     

    I blink at them, unsure of what to think

    Then I remember that I’m drowning,

    Without air, I cannot think

    Cannot be.

    Why was I trying to escape me?

     

    I kick my feet and pull myself through the water

    The mermaids continue to swim and sing at the bottom

    Just as I think my lungs are going to give up

    I break the surface and see the sun

     

    Dragging my body across the sand

    I refuse to take a break, determined to get back to the real land

    I stand, staggering toward the horizon

    Along the way, I pass bison

    Feasting on grass

    I hop onto one, and with a slap

    It hurtles forward, toward the train tracks

     

    It then dumps me off, because it’s eager to get back to its pack

    I sigh, glad that I made it back alive

    Wading through the crevices of my mind

    I reemerge on the other side…

     

    Your hazel eyes are continuing to pry

    Searching for answers,

    Judging me for not telling an honest lie.

     

    I confront your stare,

    Aware of what awful things you’re thinking of me, but I no longer care

    I am who I am,

    That I can guarantee…

    But who are you to judge me?

     

    © Copyrights 2013/14 VicRomero

     

  • Speaking My Mind

    LGBTQ Books I’ve Read Thus Far…

    Since I’ve been coming to terms with my sexuality as well as discovering the other types of sexualities that exist, I have read a lot of books.  I decided that I should list them and give brief reviews of them…maybe someone who is also discovering who they are will find this list to be helpful.

    I have struggled with finding good LGBTQ books…specifically ones that have female main characters.  I’m unsure if that’s because there aren’t that many books regarding lesbian relationships as there are gay relationships…but then again, there aren’t even that many books that deal with gay relationships.  Anwho…this is what I have found and read thus far.

  • Poetry

    Limits

    Afraid
    To speak up
    To branch out
    To have confidence
    I am always full of doubt
    Afraid
    To come out
    Of the closet
    To come clean
    To be honest
    Afraid
    I am afraid
    I fear
    Many things
    Except fear itself
    Fear
    I hold it close
    Fear has become my own
    In order to protect me
    Prevent me
    From ever discovering
    The unknown

    ©VicRomero

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