Repost from 2012
I’m haunted by her laugh,
Her almond shaped eyes…
I still feel the smoothness of her hair,
I feel the heat from her dreamy stare
I miss her smell
Her soft skin
The way she used to hug me…
My shoulder is where she would rest her chin
I remember how we used cuddle
You always loved to snuggle
And we would watch a scary movie
Playing footsie underneath the table
When I grab you hand to dance
When we called each other nicknames
When we baked
Watched 80’s movies
When we laid in the grass
Went on the swings
Went to get crickets
When you picked me up after I had smoked weed
When you hugged me when I cried
When you never got mad
When we shared snacks
When you made me laugh
When we went to the pool or beach
The way that you dragged your feet
The way you just understood
The way your voice sounded over the phone
The way you listened to me bitch
How I never returned the favor
How I’ve become such a bitch
The way you stood me up
The way you’ve let me down
The way that you weren’t there
I was so unsure if you still cared
The way you became hopeless
The way you left the room without another word
The way that you never smiled anymore
The way that you sat beside me patiently waiting for me to notice you
The way you often cried
The way that you never said goodbye
The way that you didn’t believe me when I apologized
How I ignored that text
How she told me where you’ve gone
That you were sick
That you needed rest
How I never asked about you
How I never called you again
How I never sent a late reply text
How I’ve lost you as my friend
How I’m a horrible friend
I just do the same thing again and again.
© 2015 Vic Romero
I sat across my best friend, who’s head was bent over her coffee as she thought. Meanwhile I was shoveling huge quantities of the delicious chocolate chip pancakes that the diner in our neighboring town made.
“I feel like your ex…and my ex…they’re sort of the same,” she realized, furrowing her eyebrow. “They both just need to grow up.”
I nodded as I swallowed my food. “At least he had the decency to see you face to face though. We dated for seven months and she didn’t even call me, she just sent me a text! I asked to talk to on the phone with her too,” I said.
My best friend shook her head sympathetically. “I’m going to be honest…when you said you got back together with her I didn’t think it was a good idea. She never treated you well.”
“It’s probably because she doesn’t know how to treat herself. But…I got back together with her because it was what I wanted at the time and she helped me transition into college a little bit…we used to talk everyday on the phone when I was in school it was really nice. Things change though, and this is probably for the better anyway,” I concluded.
“Yeah, it is,” she agreed, and on that note, we changed the subject.
I’m hurting a lot.
The family that I feel I had last year…my support group…well it doesn’t exist anymore. At least it doesn’t feel like it.
My ex doesn’t even wanna be friends, my best friend rarely acknowledges my texts…all my other close friends are in different states far away and I feel alone because I haven’t established another solid support group.
I have friends, but I feel weird talking about things that are actually bothering me with them. I can talk to my RA about things that are bothering me, but I can’t really be friends with her because she’s my RA.
I feel alone…scared…and rejected.
*as told to Melissa through FB Message
I feel sad and dumb.
i told Jess I want her back and I do but it’s been over 24 hours and she hasn’t even replied it’s depressing I feel dumb she doesn’t want me but she can’t say it so I was hoping but she doesn’t care and I am sad