• Speaking My Mind

    Swallowed by the Grey

    Everything has felt so miserable.  I haven’t done anything fun because of school, which I’m not doing too well in anyway…my bestie didn’t come to visit me for Halloweekend this year and I’ve been spending most of my weekends wallowing in my room.  I can’t wait for this semester to end and to graduate, but when that happens, I’ll be going back home and I won’t be seeing my girlfriend nearly as frequently.  Our relationship will change because we’ll be in two different places, both physically and emotionally.  We only live about an hour away from each other but if I’m working full-time (at this rate, I won’t be because I stopped applying for jobs) and she’ll be at school full-time…we’ll have different, busy schedules.  I don’t think it’ll negatively impact our relationship but I’ll just miss seeing her every day and I’ll miss spending as much time together.  I also won’t be seeing my sister as much…I’ll miss being at school with her.

    My birthday is tomorrow and my sister and I may not have a voice due to laryngitis caused by allergies.  Dinner with our parents will be incredibly silent.  This happened to me last February for the first time since elementary school, and I was hoping it wouldn’t happen again but alas, it appears it will.

    I’m quite sad that tomorrow is my birthday…I am not where I want to be.  Then again, I’m never satisfied with where I’m at.  Why is that?  What will it take for me to be happy, even if I’m not “the best?”  Why make myself miserable?  How can I change the way I value my life so that I’m positive and kinder to myself?  Perhaps value societal expectations of me less?  Perhaps value academic excellence less?  Perhaps value the way I feel about myself more? How do I go about valuing myself more?

    Anyway…I went to the city on Saturday to combat all this negativity.  I went with my girlfriend because we had been talking about wanting to go for forever but for one reason or another, we haven’t been together yet.  It was pretty spontaneous because we kept going back and forth with it but then we both got train tickets and hopped on the train and we were off!

  • Speaking My Mind

    Twenty-Fun!

    My birthday was on the seventh of this month, which was a Monday.  It sucked that my twenty-first was on a Monday, but because it was on a less than ideal day, my birthday wasn’t just a day, but a birthday week!

    I woke up Monday ready to slay the world.  I’ve been watching Arrow lately (it’s excellent if you haven’t checked it out) and I was particularly entranced by Helena.  She was the mob leader’s daughter and was bad to the bone as well as wealthy.  So my birthday look was inspired by her.

  • Short Stories,  Speaking My Mind

    Woo Me

    I ran into one of the friends that had said they were coming to my birthday bash but never showed up, at the dining hall.  She apologized..apparently her pre-party nap caused her to sleep through the whole party.  We ate breakfast together and chatted, it was really nice.

    I had met her at a party about a month ago because she was friends with a girl who was friends with my friend.  I liked her instantly and got her number, but I did not anticipate using it.  I didn’t think I was going to see her again and when I’m drunk, I tend to collect the phone numbers of people I talk to for at least a minute, and I don’t usually contact them again.

    But then I saw her again at another party and we talked the whole night.  She’s super attractive and has a sexy voice so when she informed me that she just had a nasty breakup with her boyfriend and that she’s bi, I wanted to be the one to make her forget all about him.

  • Short Stories,  Speaking My Mind

    My Disappointing Lust Life

    I’ve included this video clip in the post I wrote when I turned nineteen…I hate repeating things but I felt that this was so appropriate for what I want to talk about: my lust life.  AKA my love life but there has been no love so…I’m going to refer to it as my lust life.

    Since school started in the fall, there have been four people I’ve toyed a little with.

  • Speaking My Mind

    Twenty

    It was my birthday yesterday…it was nice.  Not what I wanted it to be but it wasn’t terrible.

    My life has been crazy and a bit of a mess.  I’ve been struggling with school and friends and my love life…maybe I’ll write more in depth about everything later.  There’s been a lot of disappointment in myself and other people but I’ve been working on things and myself…everything will work out and be okay.  I just need to hang in there and stay strong.

    Anyway…I miss writing.  I will try to write more this month…it may help with my mental sanity.

    -Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    The Girl of Zummer

    I have about a month of the summer left before I have to pack my life up and travel back to school. I’ve greatly enjoyed my time off but I’m a little anxious to go back as well. I’m also a little nervous…it’s a hodgepodge of emotions.

    Anyway, I just wanted to post an overview of some of the things I’ve done thus far.

    I’ve been training to become a sexual violence response advocate. I have to make up a couple of hours but I should be finished by next week!

    I saw Fall Out Boy for the third time. They’re amazing as always, but I hate that they only sing “I Don’t Care” from my favorite album, FOLIE. They should perform a concert entirely of songs from that album! Wiz Khalifa was co-headlining, and he was really great. I kinda dig him now. Hoodie Allen was the opening act and I went to the bathroom during his performance. He was subpar.

    My sister graduated high school and turned eighteen, which was pretty incredible. She’s not so little anymore and it’s weird but it’s part of life.

    If you’ve been following my blog for awhile, do you remember that job at the burger joint I had? Well I’ve been there for two years and I finally quit! I got another job at a film production company doing some coding. In addition to that, I have a class and an internship this summer so I’m mighty busy. Hopefully the next job I have will be more professional and in the field I plan on pursuing. I’ll have to go to the career office at my university to determine what my job options are.

    That’s about it! I hope everything is going well for y’all!

    -Vic

  • Short Stories,  Speaking My Mind

    Getting Lost

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    Her favorite types of bridges are the old, wooden ones that have vines curling along the railing and suspension cables, in the deep woods. She prefers it when they overlook a stream, so when she’a standing on it, she can gaze at the water crystals rushing over the rocks.

    These types of bridges remind her of The Bridge to Terabithia. A magical, scenic bridge that takes you somewhere else…somewhere better. She wants to go somewhere better, but no matter how many bridges she crosses, they only leave her with reality. Every bridge she crosses that doesn’t take her far away from reality is burned down. Regardless of the beauty they uphold, and regardless of the history they have. She just doesn’t want to be followed, and she doesn’t want to go back.

  • beauty and fashion

    Friday-Friday Lookbook

    This lookbook is a bit long because it’s a whole week of looks, excluding Saturday and Sunday.  Hope you guys enjoy them!

  • beauty and fashion

    70’s Rocker Ensemble

    photo 2

    I got this dress online from Forever 21.  Forever 21 was having a crazy sale and this dress reminded me of the seventies because of the sleeves and it felt like something that Free People would sell (I love Free People but it’s too expensive) so I got this dress.

    photo 1

    Here’s the back…as you can see the material is like a thick, knitted fabric.  I wore tattoo tights with this dress that had this creepy corset stitching down the whole leg.

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    Here’s a closer look at my sexy legs lol the shoes I’m wearing are from my mom’s closet.  Like I’ve said before, I hate flats but you can only wear low-cut shoes with these tights so you can get the full effect of the tights.  I’m looking at buying a low pair of Docs soon…the ones I’m interested in getting are really expensive though but I know they’d get good use so I may have to make an investment.  We shall see…when I finally get nice low-cut shoes I’ll make a shoe collection post because I have a decent amount of shoes in my opinion.  They make my tiny closet at school really full lol

    photo 1

    This is my beautified face…oh and there you can see the Betsey Johnson necklace my sister got me for my birthday that I wore in my birthday lookbook.

    photo 2

    So let’s talk about my makeup today!  The palette that I used is by the brand Beauty Gems and it’s called “Change It Up.”  I’ve had it for about two years now so that means that I’m ready to buy another one.  I have my eyes set on the Urban Decay Vice 3 eyeshadow palette although it’s quite expensive for me but I think I’d like it more than the one I currently have so I’d probably use it more than I use the Beauty Gems one.

    I dislike the Beauty Gems palette because the quality of the makeup is just mediocre, like it doesn’t go on that smoothly in my opinion.  I got it for ten bucks though so I can’t be expecting too much haha Also, this particular palette has a lot of neutrals, which I never wear because I feel like the point of eyeshadow is to have obnoxious, awesome colors on your eyelids rather than painting on eyeshadow that matches your skintone…but maybe I feel this way because I’m young and I do whatever I want regarding fashion and makeup.  I wore a smokey eye and bright red lipstick during the daytime, in which I spent the whole day taking midterms.  I don’t care, as long as I think I look good 🙂

    Enough blabbering now haha okay so ideally I wanted to do bright red eyeshadow with grey/black eyeshadow around it to give it a smokey effect but my lame-o palette doesn’t have red.  Vice 3 doesn’t have a bright red either but it has colors that are closer to red than the ones that I currently have.  Anyway, I made do with pink eyeshadow and unfortunately I didn’t have time for fake eyelashes so I just used mascara, along with some eyeliner.  I’ve really gotten into wearing fake eyelashes now that I’m not terrified to apply them and that I’ve applied them successfully haha

    photo 3

    I’m also wearing foundation and blush.  I’m really liking wearing blush, I have never worn it before until last week when I randomly decided to try it.  I never get flushed cheeks, even if I run or anything, so it’s cool having flushed cheeks now because of blush.  I think in this case it doesn’t suggest that I’m hot and sweaty as if I had run a mile, but it looks really feminine and makes me feel all…”come hither” to attractive people lol I don’t even know what I’m saying.  I feel beautiful, okay? lol

    photo 4photo 5

    I decided to picture my rings today…I always wear rings but I’ve never shown them before.  The one on my left hand is a black rose ring I got at a cheap store in Manhattan most likely.  The rainbow ring is my pride ring, which I wear religiously so other queer people can know I’m queer too, although most people don’t notice it because it’s subtle.  My former boss actually noticed it and asked me about it and it was really uncomfortable…but he asked me about it because he wanted to segue into talking about his gay father, so that was kinda cool.

    The last ring I’m wearing is a creepy bunny that reminded me of Frank from Donnie Darko.  The fact that it’s a bunny also makes me think of my favorite YouTuber, Bunny Meyer, or Grav3yardgirl.  I consider myself a YouTube junkie, and I particularly love her videos because she’s so down to earth and also really crazy.  I feel like if I met her we’d actually be friends, and she has become my fashion and makeup inspiration.  She’s really funny too, her videos always make me feel better so…if you’re curious about her channel, click here.

    Anyway, that’s today’s ensemble.  Tomorrow I have an interview so I need to wear “professional” clothing but I found ways to personalize it and make it more “me” rather than the racist, sexist, etc idea of “professionalism.”  When I post the pics I’ll tell you guys why I think “professionalism” is dumb.

    Lastly, I decided to include two inspiring picture messages today.  I’ve been struggling staying positive lately…between school, my family, my ex…there’s just a lot of layers to the problems I feel that I’m facing currently and I came across these pictures on Facebook today.  They really resonated with me and I thought I’d share them.  photo 1 photo 2

    Have a good night! xo

    -Vic

  • beauty and fashion

    Last Day Being 18 and First Day Being 19 Lookbook

    Last Day Being 18

    It was raining that day so I decided the best way to combat the gloom (which I love) was to wear tie dye and my bright yellow raincoat with my bright yellow polkadot umbrella!  (Those two things aren’t pictured sadly).  So I’m wearing my campus tshirt that my buddy tie dyed for me.  I’m only wearing mascara, foundation, blush, and chapstick today.  I’ve decided that since my skin has been looking pretty good lately that I would start wearing blush more since I think it looks nice.

    photo 1

    Although it was freezing I decided to wear black jeggings that retain no warmth, I might as well be naked.  But I wore them anyway with my dark blue ruffley socks and my Joker (from Batman) high tops.  They’re pretty snazzy shoes.

    photo 2 photo 3 photo 4

    First Day Being 19 (Do I look older?  Wiser?  Sexier?  All of the above??)

    I wish you could see how beautiful my dress is but for now I’ll just describe it…it’s a deep, emerald green long-sleeved, velvet dress.  I wore it with my polkadot tights and my striped Superwoman socks and tallish Docs.

    photo 4photo 1  photo 3

    Here you can see the color of my dress better…isn’t it nice?  I love velvet dresses they’re so vibrant, festive, and warm.  Anyway, all I did for my makeup was foundation, blush, winged eyeliner, my new favorite “Sin” Mac lipstick and my Halloween fake eyelashes.  I have normal fake eyelashes but I wore my Halloween ones because they were already open and I didn’t think they were THAT dramatic…but they were.  Whatever, I love Halloween, Halloween forever.

    The necklace I’m wearing is one that my sister picked out for me for my birthday, it’s a funky tiger pendant with chains and bows by Betsey Johnson, I love it she always picks out nice jewelry for me.  I matched it with Betsey Johnson earrings she got me a few years ago, you can’t see them very well but they’re basically giant black balls and there’s a bow and green jewel at the top, which matched my dress and the necklace pretty well, if I do say so myself.

    photo 1 photo 2

    I decided to throw on one of my mom’s sweaters that she gave me like five years ago because I’d be walking around in the city a lot…this sweater is pretty ratty and old but I love it because it’s long and the sleeves, as you can see in the ridiculous picture of me, are awesome.  Unfortunately I left this sweater in my closet at home because the sleeves would be too annoying for college life.

    photo 3

    Here’s a picture of me all bundled up in the city.

    photo 5

    Finally, here’s a picture of me and my lil sis by the tree at Rockefeller, before they put up the lights.  I had a great birthday, thanks to my parents and lil sis.

    photo 4

    Hope you guys have a great Sunday!

    -Vic

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