My internship is coming to a close today and I’m already a little sad about it. I wasn’t expecting to be sad because I thought I would dislike it because 1) I’m working with kids, and I don’t particularly like kids and 2) these kids experience things that I have never had to. For example, some of them may be/have been/or will be recruited to join a gang. They may have had personal exposure to violence and drugs. An officer came in to talk to me and the other counselors during our training about how some of them may have tattoos, despite the oldest of them being fourteen. I felt unprepared to handle situations I may encounter with these kids, but instead it’s been great!
I’ve been listening to a ton of angsty music lately…like screamo and heavy metal. I have always enjoyed this type of music, but I don’t usually listen to so much of it. When I used to exclusively listen to this style of music, I was unhappy and angsty. So it’s concerning me that all I want to listen to is angry music.
Part of it may be due to being sexually frustrated. I have been attracted to several people over the past year or so, but it hasn’t been reciprocated, until now. It’s kinda frightening me and I keep questioning the situation as well as myself.
I was one of the five nominees in my graduating class to be nominated as “Class Individualist”. The Individualists years prior were artsy students…or perceived to be artsy.
Apparently people think I’m artsy.
“Taking AP art?” she asked me.
“No. I’ve never even taken an art class here.”
She cocked her head, her eyes narrowing at me. “Really? I thought you have. You always look so artsy.”
“Like your clothes. You look artsy.”
“So you don’t like art?”
I shook my head. “But I write. That’s creative.”
She shrugged her shoulders and looked to the other side of the hall.
Evidently she didn’t favor my response. Hemingway and Fitzgerald and Jane Austen and Gertrude Stein were not creative at all.