For the first time in four years, I had an anxiety attack.
It completely caught me off-guard, despite the fact that I had been nervously calling my girlfriend, my sister, and my mom on the phone for an hour before it had happened. Also despite the fact that I’ve been practicing some negative daily habits for weeks as a result of a Vata-imbalance.
For me, that entails following my whims: I fall asleep whenever I want to (AKA never a reasonable hour), I sleep in late, I create ideas but I don’t bring them into reality, I stress-eat, I distract myself with interminable episodes New Girl (which is a great show), and I lack a routine for diet or otherwise.
Anyway, right before the anxiety attack, I was driving during one of the phone calls with my girlfriend, and my answers to her questions quickly became hysterical to the point where I couldn’t breathe and I had to pull over. It was horrible.
The last time this happened to me, I was preparing for midterms as a first semester, first-year student at a large University. I was also recuperating from an awful breakup, I was homesick, and I was just…learning how to flourish when everything was incredibly new and overwhelming.
I was afraid of failing my classes, nervous that I wouldn’t be able to make friends, and worried that I wouldn’t be able to succeed in college.
While my circumstances are completely different now– I’m a graduate of that University, I overcame homesickness, and I have an amazing relationship that is so much better than I could have imagined– I am now learning how to flourish as an adult. It’s incredibly new to me and it’s overwhelming.
I published a post recently about my fears, but they’re rather surface-level. My more deep-seated fears include being afraid of making a “wrong” decision, nervous to embark on something “too risky,” and worried that I can’t succeed in the real world.
All of these fears have ultimately culminated in the stunting of my growth. My fears have become my reality because I haven’t been challenging them…instead, I’ve been holding myself back to prevent myself from my perception of disaster. Then I’ve been blaming everyone else for holding me back.
After my anxiety attack, my sister pointed out that I have a difficult time making a decision because I have all these “ideas” but I hardly execute them. She also informed me that I doubt and second-guess myself consistently. How can I expect to move forward if my energy is so self-destructive?
Prior to the post about my fears, I wrote about manifesting and persistence. While they are extremely vital methods toward success, they are insufficient if the way I treat myself is negative. So, more importantly, how can I channel positive, confident, loving energy toward myself to raise my vibration and ultimately attract other high-vibe opportunities that would enable me to achieve my goals?
Well, this anxiety attack was a wake-up call that I’m not okay with holding myself back any longer. Now is the time to break this cycle and challenge my fears. Now is the time to take risks that may not always be successful, but that’s part of learning! Now is the time to try.
My sister, Alex, did something really brave yesterday, and I thought I would share her story. Especially because tomorrow is Spirit Day.
I was walking with Brad* to my Spanish class and just before we went our separate ways, we say “Ciao” and he blows me a kiss. There were some guys behind us snickering, and when Brad left, I tuned in on their conversation. One guy said, “Did you hear the way that guy said ‘Ciao’, he’s totally gay.” Another guy replied, “Yeah, he definitely gets it up the a**”.
Well I spun around on these guys and said, “Excuse me?”
The guy that made the “a**” comment basically shit his pants ran away, so I confronted his friends.
“Are you friends with that guy?”
“No, we have never spoken to him before in our lives,” they replied.
Obviously they were embarrassed by their friend’s comment.
“Tell your friend that that was disgusting and that he should respect others.”
Then I stormed off to class and talked to my friend about what had happened, since I was fuming. We later spoke with the assistant principle who informed us that that comment can be considered bullying, so I filed a report against that guy.
Later I called Brad and told him that if he got called down to the principal’s office, it would be because I filed a report regarding a derogatory comment some idiot guy made. Brad wanted to know what happened so I told him, and then he said he appreciated that I stood up for him.
But I wasn’t just standing up for him. No one should ever be spoken about in such a disgusting way, regardless of their sexuality.
Needless to say, I am glad that I had said something. All I want is that kid to not say something like that again.
I’m really proud she had said something to support her friend.
I have been in situations when my friends are being insulted behind their backs for various things, and I don’t say anything. I know that speaking up is a really hard thing to do sometimes, especially when you’re outnumbered. But at the same time, it isn’t..at least it isn’t physically. You just have to open your mouth and speak your mind. It’s fearing the retaliation that gets to me, and I’m sure it is what gets to other people as well.
If someone is being talked about behind their back and you don’t like what they’re saying, or if someone is being directly bullied/harassed and you are there, it is important to say something.
Stop Bullying. Don’t Be A Bystander.
*name has been changed, mostly because I’m unsure how to spell his actual name