• Speaking My Mind

    Attracting My Desires

    My frequency has changed since I started dating again, and I’ve attracted what I wanted.

    By “frequency,” I mean the magnetic energy I am putting out into the Universe based on how I feel every day. My frequency, affects the people, events, and circumstances I attract.

    When I started dating, I was tired of grieving my last relationship, I was bored with the monotonous routine of working full-time, and I wanted to meet people. I was feeling rather desperate to switch my day-to-day up, so the people I was meeting were also desperate. They wanted to rush into intimacy and I didn’t connect with them very well.

    I didn’t realize I was attracting the same type of people until I put myself into a reckless, dangerous situation. It was unfortunate that it even had to come to that, but it was that event that forced me to take several steps back and examine exactly how I was feeling.

    I realized that I was seeking validation in the form of shallow flattery from strangers. I also realized that the reason I was texting six people at a time was because I focused on having someone to talk to every day, even if those people were creepy and even if we didn’t connect.

    Since these desires were coming from feelings of lack (I will never find someone that treats me how I deserve to be treated), my frequency was low and thus, the people that came into my life were in my life were unsurprisingly not treating me well. The superficial connections I had with these people often led to rejections, which unfortunately hurt me quite a bit.

    After my epiphany, I didn’t stop dating. Instead, I decided what I was ultimately looking for, if not immediately, in the future.

    I want to find someone that I have a deep connection with intellectually, emotionally, and physically. I want to feel excited about that person and I want the chemistry to be really strong…kind of addictive. I want to be magnetically attracted to one another. I want to go on dates and spend quality time with someone. I want someone with emotional intelligence and I want someone who completely respects me. I want to feel safe with this person before I choose to be physically intimate with them. But physical intimacy is not important to me right now…I can find that with anyone. I can’t find a deeper connection as easily, but that’s what I want. I want more.

    Once I decided what I wanted, I became more particular about the types of people I went out with, and I took better care of myself.

    Aside from yoga and writing, my self-care routine has included referring to myself with endearments, wearing glamorous stick-on nails, creating a retirement savings account and prioritizing my finances, reading more, ensuring that I spend time with people who care about me, and discovering ways in which I can be enough for myself.

    Learning to be enough for oneself is a long process, and it’s a continuous one because one’s needs change over time. It’s a process I’ve been committed to doing for years, however, sometimes I forget, or choose to forget, about prioritizing myself. Instead of beating myself up for my own neglect, I simply decided to choose myself again.

    A recent example was after a few weekends of back-to-back dates, I was super burned out from constantly introducing myself to people. To remedy this, I opted to cancel the date I had planned with the lawyer in favor of spending quality time with my sister and most importantly, with myself. Considering my decision to prioritize myself, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the connection I have with the lawyer is so wonderful.

    “When you are on a feeling frequency of love, then only people who are on the same feeling frequency as you are can come into your life.” -Rhonda Byrne, The Power (The Secret Book 2)

    When I wrote my last blog post, I was primarily like ha ha, I am Charlotte York! and I did not consider my shift in frequency at all. Here I am now, however, unable to not notice it.

    It wasn’t until a few days ago that I became aware that my frequency must’ve changed. What caused me to even notice it was that I was constantly asking my friends and myself how I’ve managed to meet a super lovely lawyer on a dating app. It still completely baffles me that he is in fact, a real person and that he is also super into me.

    I’ve only been going out with this guy for about a month…so everything is still exciting, new, happy, etc, but we have a surprisingly good connection. We are never short on conversation, which is why we’re constantly texting and why we stay up well past our bedtimes every night on the phone. We enjoy spending time together so much that we planned dates a month from now.

    In addition to our natural chemistry, he treats me exactly how I want to be treated. He’s respectful of my boundaries, he’s patient, understanding, gentlemanly, and generous. He’s honest and he communicates extremely well. He’s been clear about his intentions with me and he trusts me enough to have confided in me a little bit. He doesn’t play games and he makes me feel wanted. Most importantly, we’re both having a ton of fun getting to know each other.

    So…I’m unsure where this unexpected development is going, but I’m going to relax and allow it all to happen. So far, I’ve primarily been overthinking everything because he seems way too good to be true, but…he is true, at least so far. Besides, even if it all goes to shit, I’d like to take the risk.

    While dating and romance is an enthralling development, I’d love there to be growth in the career/higher-education aspect of my life. I’ve been reading a new-age philosophy book lately, and this particular quote resonated with me:

    “Even if you don’t know what you want to do in your life, all you have to do is give love through good feelings, and you will magnetize everything you love to yourself. Your feelings of love will lead you to your purpose. Your dream job is on the frequency of love and to receive it, you just have to get yourself there.” -Rhonda Byrne, The Power (The Secret Book 2)

    There is so much growth and potential in multiple areas of my life. We’ll see what else is in store for me.

    xx Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    Harmony

    My life has been flowing pretty well.

    Seven months in, and I still enjoy my full-time job. I am continuing to learn so much there and I feel like I’ve made some valuable contributions. Additionally, I have a thriving part-time yoga-teaching job. I’m currently teaching two classes a week, but in 2020, I will be teaching three! Career stuff aside- I’ve accomplished a few of the goals I made for myself for 2019 and I’ve been upgraded from my dad’s old car from 2011 to my mom’s car, circa 2016.

    Essentially, I am living the life that I couldn’t even fathom as a possibility last year, however, I have been a bit depressed. I’ve been excessively critical of myself for being stuck in a routine, for not socializing enough, for not traveling, for not being adventurous, for not learning from my past mistakes, and for being unhappy when I have so much to be grateful for.

    Can anyone relate to this??

    I did an oracle reading the other day to help me refocus, and the card I pulled for my “obstacle to overcome” was “Harmony.” This caused me to wonder what exactly do I believe I need to be in harmony? 

    A year ago, I believed I needed a full-time job to feel at peace. I wanted to have somewhere to go every day, a place where I could make an impact. I wanted purpose and I wanted to begin my professional career. I also wanted to teach yoga so I could my passion for it.

    I have acquired both of those things, so now what? 

    Interestingly, one of the things I wanted last year but I feel at peace with now is graduate school. I am not anxious about going to graduate school. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to pursue higher education at some point, but I know that that “point” is not now. Based on my experience with flowing, I am confident that I will know when I am supposed to go back and I will also know what I want to study. So the lack of graduate school plans isn’t causing my current dissatisfaction.

    I suspect that my unhappiness and mild depression are primarily due to my feelings of nostalgia. It seems that when the temperature cools down in autumn, I begin to reminisce and romanticize the past. A year ago I was romanticizing my childhood, which was pretty wonderful, but at the end of the day, I was focusing on the past because I was lonely in the present. My childhood friends had all moved away and thus, I reminisced about them.

    Currently, I’ve been reminiscing about the hellish campaign job I had last year as well as my last relationship. I think the reason I’ve been nostalgic about my campaign job is that I miss some aspects of that job that I don’t have in my current position. For example, I miss the social nature of that job, although, at the time, I hated that the socializing was often late at night. In regards to my last relationship, I miss having someone to talk to daily. This is largely why I’ve been keeping myself busy with online dating.

    How can I find harmony with where I’m at right now? 

    The cards suggested I use guidance from higher powers, whether that be figures of authority and/or spiritual figures, to support me. I think I need to practice what I teach in my yoga classes: being present.

    Aside from practicing presence to achieve harmony, I have been writing quite a bit, I just haven’t been sharing my work. It’s been frustrating to spend hours or days on something and then have the work not feel…true to myself anymore. Maybe those feelings will change but if not, I’ll be working on new content. 🙂

    Have a great week, everyone!

    xx Vic

     

     

     

  • Speaking My Mind

    On This Episode of the Bachelorette…

    I will admit that I have developed an online dating addiction. I’ve been spending most of my free time “swiping” on my dating apps of choice, OkCupid and Bumble, and striking up conversations with various strangers in the hopes that one of them will have the potential to become a romantic partner.

    While I spend way too much time on dating apps, I’m not ready to stop using them just yet. There’s something enthralling about the mystery and ease of chatting with new people online. Of course, it’s not always a glamorous experience: last week I was feeling pretty desperate and depressed about dating, considering what happened with the Marine. 

    Long story short: I got totally swept up in superficial chemistry with the Marine and I was treated like a piece of meat. I behaved the way twenty-year-old Victoria did (chasing faux-passionate, horny guys with reckless abandon) and unsurprisingly, I got the same disappointing, hurtful, and depressing results.

    Thankfully, I’ve since been feeling more optimistic about dating after a week of introspection and self-care. So on this episode of the Bachelorette, I want to share with you the latest update on the contestants for my heart!

    Here is a recap from last week’s episode:

    1. The dark, sexual/pervy, introvert without a social life and little family has been eliminated. He resumed school a few weeks ago and neither of us has reached out to each other.
    2. The insecure, angsty/poser guy who is also an aspiring chef continues to slide into my inbox in an attempt to make plans with me. He moved to Brooklyn recently though so I’m not particularly keen on making plans to meet with him, considering there are other people in close proximity to me that I actually have chemistry with.
    3. The very thoughtful and positive 31-year-old with a BA in psychology who works at Whole Foods and lives nearby: We went on a casual lunch date on Labor Day and I had a ton of fun with him, however, I am not attracted to him in any capacity. He continues to reach out to me and he has asked me out for a drink, but it’s hard to make plans with him because we have completely opposite work schedules. If possible, I’d like to hang out with him again but I doubt any romance will be blooming between us.
    4. The casual, friendly, local-to-my-area mechanic that actually lives in my town and goes to the gym I work at: I tried to make plans with him last Saturday but he ghosted me and has since been MIA.
    5. The random older guy that works in supply chain and wants to smoke and hang out at his place AKA fuck: Why did I even list him in the first place? Eliminated.

    There are more, newer contestants now, but none of them are particularly noteworthy at the moment. Well, except for one person.

    I am currently pretty interested in a mechanic from Iran. We’ve been corresponding for about two weeks, and he’s the only person I’ve connected with through Bumble so far. (All of the other candidates have been through the courtesy of OkCupid).

    The mechanic has completely different vibes than the Marine did, largely because, unlike my experience with the Marine, I’ve had control over the relationship. Plus, he’s considerate and sweet. Here are some examples:

    • The mechanic never asked for my number; I voluntarily gave it to him after some pleasant conversation.
    • I initiated Facetiming with him
    • He consistently texts me “good morning” and “goodnight” daily, without prompting
    • He doesn’t try to talk to me 24/7 and he’s not particularly flirty. Once in a blue moon, he’ll call me “cutie” or something subtly flirty, but that’s it.
    • The first time I called him, I wanted to speak to him only so he could listen to a story I wanted to share with my yoga class the following morning. When I woke up at 5am to teach that class, I noticed that he had sent me a thoughtful text about how my story-telling was great and how I was going to do a great job sharing the story with my class.
    • He has one of the deepest, smoothest voices I’ve ever heard. It’s a radio-quality voice. Considering how incredible his voice is, I thought it was ridiculous that the first thing he said to me was that my voice would be great for NPR. From listening to cringe-y recordings of my own voice, I objectively know that that’s untrue. Yet he is very adamant about how nice my voice is. 

    While there could be potential with this guy, it’s too soon to tell because we haven’t even met in person yet. I’m hoping to meet up with him this weekend or sometime the following week to see if the slow-burning chemistry and attraction exists face-to-face.

    In the meantime, however, I am working on prioritizing myself. As much as I want to connect with someone, the experience I had with the Marine made it evident that I need to connect with myself first. The fact that even after everything transpired with him, I still wanted to reach out to him, is severely concerning. I kept wondering what he wanted, what he needed…and at some point, my subconscious snapped at myself and loudly said, “Victoria, what do want?”

    I had completely stumped myself.

    Yeah, I had some ideas of what I wanted, but I was having such a hard time specifying and vocalizing them. I’ve since been able to accomplish this after writing, meditating, taking meditative asana classes, reading, spending quality time with my family and friends, and listening to uplifting podcasts.

    This is where I’m at now with “what I want,” which I’m no longer afraid to demand:

    I want to find someone that I have a deep connection with intellectually, emotionally, and physically. I want to feel excited about that person and I want the chemistry to be really strong…kind of addictive. I want to be magnetically attracted to one another. I want to go on dates and spend quality time with someone. I want someone with emotional intelligence and I want someone who completely respects me. I want to feel safe with this person before I choose to be physically intimate with them. But physical intimacy is not important to me right now…I can find that with anyone. I can’t find a deeper connection as easily, but that’s what I want. I want more.

    In one podcast I listened to last week about the Law of Attraction, I was reminded that once I stop wanting something, then I will get what I want. I will get what I want when I stop wanting it because when I stop wanting it, my vibrational frequency will match the frequency of already having what I want. Which means that what I want will no longer matter.

    A simple example of my confusing explanation is how I flowed effortlessly into my current full-time job. I asked the Universe for a job, and then I knew I was going to get it. This “knowing” caused me to stop focusing my energy on wanting a job, thus, my frequency matched the frequency of already having the job. It was then that the job seemingly fell into my lap not through my parents’ connections, not through other professional connections, but through my part-time yoga job.

    I’m not quite at the phase of “knowing” that I will find a compatible partner yet. Since my breakup in February, I continue to doubt the Universe’s plans for me, although the doubt certainly has lessened.

    I will leave you all with one more quote from the podcast:

    The Universe is not withholding from you and giving to another. – Jess Lively, The Lively Show

    We will all get what we need in due time. In the meantime, I am going to do my best to enjoy the journey.

    xx Vic

     

     

  • Speaking My Mind

    6 Months From Now

    Dear me,

    In the midst of uncertainty, I will make it through. I embrace uncertainty and I enjoy every moment of the journey. I trust my intuition’s guidance and I release fear.

    Six months from now, I will have attracted more abundance in my career. I will have been at my current job for a year and I will get a raise. My role will change as well because I’ll be given more responsibilities. I will be recognized for all of my hard work and I will reap the benefits of my work.

    Six months from now, I will have learned more as a yoga student and I will have brought those lessons into my classes, as a yoga teacher. I will have continued to grow and challenge myself to become a better teacher for my students. I will have evolved spiritually, and I will have become more connected with my intuition.

    Six months from now, all of my relationships will be positive. I will be demanding from others the respect I deserve, even if it’s uncomfortable to do so. The people that enter and stay in my life will be people that add value and love to my life. I am deserving of relationships that support me, are peaceful, and mutual.

    Six months from now, I will remember how I found the love I was initially seeking from others, within myself. I will reminisce about all of the love I’ve shown myself. I will delightfully recall the dates I’ve taken myself on, the gifts I’ve purchased just because they bring me joy, and most importantly, the kindness and compassion that I’ve overwhelmed my being with.

    Six months from now, I will recall all the ways in which I’ve nurtured self-love. That self-love will become part of who I am.

    Yours forever,

    Victoria

  • Speaking My Mind

    What is a 20-Something Suburban Girl to Do?

    I am done suffering. I have sufficiently grieved my last relationship, suffered through a premature attempt at being friends, and I am now done with that chapter of my romantic life. I want to mingle with people…perhaps go on a casual date or two.

    I’m still not ready- or at least I think I’m not ready- to be in a serious relationship, but that’s irrelevant now anyway. I’m not in a position where getting serious with someone is even an option.

    So…dating. I haven’t dated in over two years, and I forgot how terrible it is. I’ve only just grazed my toes over the dating pool and I’m already not enjoying it. I haven’t even waded in to my ankles yet!

    The toe-grazing began a few weeks ago.

    I was feeling quite depressed one day and thinking about how hopeless my romantic life was, when a guy from my previous campaign job randomly reached out to me. Initially I thought he was trying to network because he was asking me what I was up to professionally…but then he invited me to visit him in the city, and that’s when the alarms started going off.

    Why does he want to hang out with me? Did he ask me out on a date? Is he dangerous?

    While I had worked with him before, we had a strictly email relationship, thus, I had never met him in person. This made it even more unusual and a little scary that he wanted to meet up.

    I called a different coworker, one who I actually knew in person and who was also friends with this guy, to get the inside scoop on this potentially creepy guy. My coworker affirmed that this guy is simply very friendly and no, he’s not dangerous or creepy, but yes, it could be a date. He said there was only one way to find out.

    Well, I went to find out! My sister, her friend, and I all drove into the city and we met up with this guy and his friend. It ended up being a super fun, casual night of chatting and getting to know each other. We did a little bit of bar hopping and then called it a night around midnight.

    I surprised myself because after that night, I began to really like this guy. During the months following the infamous breakup, I thought I was closed-off to being attracted to someone, but my sudden attraction to this guy proved me otherwise. My hardened, bitter heart was not that bitter or hard after all.

    Then I did what most people with crushes do: text their crush and obsess over their text messages. We didn’t text much, and I did most of the reaching out, but he had sent me a selfie and told me that he “enjoyed me.” I was super excited about this crush.

    The excitement spanned about two weeks before my crush was crushed by reality.

    We met up a second-time, but this time we met halfway. The whole thing was set for disaster: we met up on a Wednesday after work, aka the most exhausting day and time for working professionals with 9-5, M-F jobs. Plus we had both driven through tons of traffic.

    Overall, we had a nice time, but it wasn’t quite as glamorous or as enthralling as the night out in the city. I also later realized that we weren’t on the same page. It wasn’t a casual date. It wasn’t a date at all. He wasn’t attracted to me, or maybe he wasn’t attracted to how far away I lived from the city.

    Nevertheless, this rejection was a disappointing discovery. Rejection, however, is unfortunately integral to the dating process. If I want to start wading back into the dating pool, all the rejections need to drip away rather than drown me.

    A podcast I was listening to today explored rejection’s role in growth.

    “Rejection is redirection to your soul’s highest evolvement.” – Sahara Rose, Highest Self Podcast ep. 212: Even Stuff That Sucks is Redirection

    While rejection isn’t necessarily a negative thing, it doesn’t immediately resolve the issue of loneliness or wanting to meet new people or wanting to go out on dates.

    So what is a twenty-something suburban girl to do?

    The answer, my dear readers, is return to the dreaded world of online dating. I’m a little embarrassed, but I have four dating apps downloaded on my phone now. I’ve only been using one lately, and it’s been causing me to cross my fingers in the hopes that the non-creepy-email-city guy will suddenly be a teeny bit interested in me. Long story short- online dating is a nightmare.

    Dating apps aside, I’ve also been hanging out with my friends and reaching out to people I haven’t seen or talked to in months or even years. These people I’ve lost touch with are solely friends, but it’s interesting to reconnect. Not quite as thrilling as a crush, but it’s thrilling enough.

    Do you have any tips for mingling/dating? Let me know in the comments!

    Xx Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    Planted Seeds

    Good morning, everyone! Happy Friday!

    I apologize for my absence last week. Unfortunately, I came down with a cold on my first day of work, so when I wasn’t working, I was sleeping. I’m grateful to report that I feel significantly better and that I’m back to my regular self!

    Aside from being sick, the last few weeks have been insightful and exciting. Before I started my new job, I took advantage of being unemployed by going on small adventures.

    The first two days of the week, I subbed at my previous temp job so I got some extra spending cash for my adventures. On Wednesday, I went to my alma mater and ate lunch with my sister. Then I spontaneously had dinner with my ex. On Thursday, I caught up with my friends from my Europe travels. It’s always wonderful to see them. Friday, after teaching my AM yoga class, I went to the city with my sister. Because it was so nice out, we walked a ton, it was fantastic. Then on Saturday, I visited a friend’s new apartment and neighborhood. The area had such a LGBTQ/hipster environment, it was cool to experience. On top of everything, I subbed for a yoga instructor all weekend.

    I suspect all the adventures, plus subbing all the yoga classes, were taxing on my immune system, causing me to get sick. It was well worth it though.

    Last Monday, I began my new job! I’ve been enjoying it a lot. My boss is kind and supportive, my coworkers are lovely and helpful, and the work has been challenging and exciting. The only thing I’m having a bit of a difficult time with at this new job is the amount of sitting I do all day.

    I’ve worked in an office before, so it’s not like I’m completely unaccustomed to a desk job. However, the previous office I was at was larger, so important places like the bathroom, the printer, and the kitchen were further apart, thus I walked more. The office I’m at now is significantly smaller, so I take probably 10 steps total to either go to the makeshift kitchen, to get something from the printer, and to go to the bathroom. All the sitting causes me to feel antsy, so sometimes I stand at my desk while I work. Unfortunately, the desk is not accommodating for working while standing, so I can’t stand for very long. I may get something on Amazon to make my desk and thus my workspace more comfortable. And/or I may go on a brief walk during my lunch break. If you have suggestions or thoughts, please share in the comments!

    Another new thing going on in my life: last week I taught my first yin class at the local community center/gym I regularly teach at. I’m so grateful to have this opportunity to teach an additional class and to teach a different yoga discipline. I am continuing to research workshops to take to expand my knowledge so I can integrate it into my classes. I have one in particular that I most certainly want to do, it’s just a matter of finding the courage to register.

    That’s about it for me. A lot of new seeds have been planted before the Spring Equinox. I’m eager to see what blooms.

    xx Vic

     

     

  • Speaking My Mind

    Growing and Flowing

    You know how most of my blog posts for the past year have been about the devastating/depressing/frustrating/stressful process that is job-searching?

    Well, last weekend, that process came to an abrupt halt because I got two job offers! Yes. I got two job offers in one weekend.

    It was surreal! It still feels surreal! About a year of job-hunting has gone by without interest from any employer, despite the plethora of contacts that my parents have given me and despite utilizing recruiting agencies. Then, suddenly, I got two job offers in the same weekend. I felt like a hot commodity finding myself in a love triangle of job offers!

    Well, I accepted one of the job offers, and I begin on Monday.

    I’m genuinely excited about the job and I’m so grateful for how everything has panned out. The process has been grueling, but in hindsight, I can see that this is how it all was supposed to go. It all has flowed seamlessly, I just had to lean into the process rather than resist it. Before it felt like I was trudging through honey, but now I feel like I’m flowing with ease.

    So let’s dive right in into the two contenders for my heart in this love triangle, and then the Law of Attraction journey to landing the job!

    Contender 1: The Loyal and Reliable One

    One of the job offers actually came from my own contact through my yoga job. I wasn’t expecting my part-time yoga job to end up connecting me to a full-time professional job, but the Universe works in mysterious ways!

    Even how I got a yoga job was mysterious.

    Essentially, I was skeptical I was even going to have an opportunity to teach yoga. I didn’t have any relationships with yoga studios in my hometown and in my area, it’s difficult to get a yoga teaching job. Rejections both from yoga studios and from professional jobs were beginning to weigh me down, so on the drive to my last yoga audition at a community center, I vowed that I would put a hold on yoga job-hunting if it didn’t pan out.

    The last yoga audition I had was for a position not exactly at the most desirable hour (5:45am!), but my then-girlfriend insisted I go for it. I’m glad I did because I got offered the job offer right then and there!

    Months later, the community center has become a second home to me and it has provided me with grounding when I’ve been entirely off-kilter.

    They trained me in CPR and first-aid and they provided me with a membership as well, so I’ve been able to take yoga classes with others rather than doing yoga entirely by myself. Plus, I sub for other yoga teachers whenever I can, and I have challenged myself by trying other workouts as well, such as cycling, which I have come to love.

    My boss appreciates my contribution to the community and she has provided me with the opportunity to try teaching an additional yoga class on Sunday afternoons to see how it goes! This part-time yoga job has provided so much for me just in regards to yoga, but the story doesn’t end there!

    One Friday night there was a happy hour for instructors, and I attended despite my hesitation to go because I was exhausted. I’m eternally grateful I did attend because I ended up chatting with my boss and other instructors about my job-hunting woes and how my temp job was ending the following week, so I desperately needed a new job. Well, one of the instructors told her husband, who was looking for an employee, and then told my boss about it. My boss raved about me to her husband, who was looking for someone with more accounting experience than I have, but he ended up offering the job to me because of my relationship with my boss!

    Contender 2: The Mysterious One

    The second job offer I had was through Indeed, so the story isn’t as glamorous.

    Basically, my positive attitude and perspective that I’m continuously working on helped me land a job offer with the second contender. I know this because the owner of the company, who sat in during all the interviews, told me.

    The Law of Attraction Journey

    Obviously, I’ve been working really hard toward getting at least one job offer, but I strongly believe that I successfully harnessed the Law of Attraction in my favor too.

    During the month I was working at my temp job, I was reading a book that my wonderful then-girlfriend lent me about the Law of Attraction. One of the ideas detailed in the book was to ask the Universe directly for what you want by pretending you are placing an order. When you order something online or in a restaurant, you don’t order it again because you know you are going to get it. You don’t think about it again either, except to maybe visualize receiving it and to be excited about whatever it is you ordered.

    One day, I decided to try this idea. I wrote in my journal the things that I wanted in a job and then I wrote “I have asked and now I believe that I have already received. I have placed my order and I’m experiencing it now.”

    Below is my “order:”

    • I want to be in a company where I can grow
    • I want to have a routine and enjoy my coworkers
    • I want to be challenged without being excessively stressed
    • I want to be close enough to home (for now)
    • I want to feel excited about my job
    • I want to build a community
    • I want to be able to work from home and I want generous PTO
    • I want to be able to continue to pursue my passions (yoga teaching, writing, etc)
    • I want to be paid fairly
    • I want to have reasonable hours
    • I want to have a social life outside of work
    • I want to travel on my PTO and invest in a car/an apartment
    • I want to save for retirement and buy stocks
    • I want a benefits package

    When I thought about job-hunting again, instead of regarding it as a dreadful, tiresome experience as I have been for the last year or so, I thought “I ordered a job, and I’m going to get it. It’s on its way.”

    This thinking allowed me to relax a bit and not be so hard on myself. I focused instead on raising my vibration and feeling joy.

    During my last week at my temp job, however, I was upset that everything in my life seemed to be ending. The temp job and my relationship with my girlfriend had come to a close, and my future felt incredibly uncertain.

    That changed a few days later when my supervisor asked me about working an extra two days after I was technically done. A few days and job interviews later, and I got two job offers as well!

    I spent the weekend weighing pros and cons to both jobs with my family, and then I opted for the job I got through my yoga job. I believe this position aligns with my “order” well, although both offers did. Anyway, I am so excited about this job and I’m excited to see how this opportunity will challenge me and allow me to grow.

    Evidently, I’ve learned so much from this process, and I will undoubtedly continue to learn more when I start working. I can’t wait to share it all!

    So, the main takeaway: grow and flow, flow and grow.

    xx Vic

     

  • Speaking My Mind

    Rise and Grind!

    The title of this post makes me laugh.

    In all seriousness though, it is true. I rise before the sun does and I sleep well after it has fallen. This is primarily because I got a temporary full-time job!

    I’ve actually been enjoying both the job and the grinding. It may be a little odd to be excited about joining the rat race as well as working a conventional 9-5 (it’s actually, 8:30-5:30pm…the grinding is real), but it’s true. I love it. I love working consistent, normal hours, going to the same place every day, seeing the same people…I’m not even being sarcastic. It’s such a nice shift from attending a large university where there was tons of volatility in your schedule, working a campaign job which had weird hours, and then being unemployed since November.

    So yes, I’m finally in motion!

    I’m unsure how long I will have this role, so I’ve continued my job search. Thus, when I’m not working, I’m job hunting, interviewing, and completing surveys for interviews. It’s been a little intense. I can’t wait to get a full-time job and be able to spend my free time reading. The only reading I’ve had the energy to do lately has been through Audible, which is better than not reading at all. In fact, thanks to Audible, I’ll be finished with Pride and Prejudice soon!

    Anyway, the job itself is good. It’s not my “dream job,” but I’ve learned to express gratitude and to practice Santosha, or contentment. I’ve written about my realization that I need to find Santosha before, but I’ve noticed that I need to find it again. It all started on the second day of the job…

    I was feeling bummed out because the work is not mentally stimulating. There’s nothing wrong with the job, but it is very boring most days. The dullness allows my mind to wander and to partake in my favorite activity: comparing myself to everyone else. (This time, I’m being sarcastic. The comparison-trap leads to my self-destruction).

    My thoughts became consumed with Wow, I could have a career job right now, but instead I’m just answering phones and My friends have benefits, and I’m only getting paid hourly. Unsurprisingly, these self-pitying thoughts ruined my second day of work. After that, I realized that in order to not be miserable every day, and the only way to get as much as I can out of this experience, I have to change my perspective. That’s when I remembered Santosha, one of the Niyamas in Yoga philosophy. While practicing contentment, I realized that this is where the Universe wants me to be right now because the Universe totally conspired to get me this job.

    First of all, I had an interview for this job back in…late November I believe, and I got the interview through a job agency. I went to the interview already resistant to the job, which was probably why I never got an offer. I was exuding all this negative energy to the Universe that I didn’t want a job offer for this position because I deemed that the job was beneath me. Now I know better than to judge a job so harshly, especially when I’m unemployed.

    After that interview, I continued my bleak job search for months with the help of the temp agency. Then the holidays came around, I took the GRE, and I spend much-needed time with my sister who was home for break. Around the time my sister was preparing to return to school, I became antsier than I already was to get a job.

    Then in January, I had a job interview through the temp agency for a job that seemed perfect. I willed the Universe to let me have it from the beginning too.

    Well, the day I was supposed to hear back about the “desirable job,” I got a call from the agency about the job I had interviewed for back in November. Something hadn’t worked out with the person that they had hired and they needed a temp until they found someone externally. I was excited to have a job offer, even though it wasn’t the job that I wanted initially. Unlike last time, I wanted to accept it.

    Before I committed, I called up the other recruiter to find out if I got the “desirable job.” Well, surprise, I didn’t get it, so I accepted this job that I now have!

    This position was initially temp to permanent, but now that they want to hire externally, it’s just temporary. The fact that it was initially temp to perm frightened me because I didn’t want to be so committed to a mundane job, but now that it’s just temporary, I’ve been able to relax and really enjoy myself. Additionally, I’m working in an industry related to the field I want to be in, I’m interacting daily with people in this field, and I’m able to learn from them and network with them.

    Aside from full-time job stuff, I’m still teaching yoga and I’m loving it. I want to update you all soon on some new things I’ve learned as a teacher! That’ll be another post though.

    While I’m working full-time, I decided to post only once a week on Sunday mornings. If time permits, I’ll post during the week too. I’ll play it by ear.

    If you made it this far, thanks for reading 🙂

    xx Vic

     

  • Speaking My Mind

    2019

    Hello, everyone and welcome back to my blog!

    I unintentionally took a longer-than-expected break from posting on my blog. In fact, I hadn’t planned to take a break at all, but due to the excessive pressure I was putting on myself to write as well as all of the craziness that is inherent to the holiday season, I went on a break. I’m glad I am returning now that I naturally feel inspired to write.

    During my time away from my blog, I took the GRE, celebrated a stressful version of Christmas, became absorbed by a romance novel series, and relaxed with my friends and my girlfriend. I’m quite relieved that the holiday season is wrapping up and I’m eager to embark on a new year!

    Anyway, I wanted to write a bit about my goals for 2019. Before I share them though, you can check out my post about my goals from 2018! Below are additional goals I had for 2018 that were written in a private journal.

    1. Save money
    2. Invest in myself: blog
    3. Challenge myself: perform
    4. Be creative: crochet and write
    5. Get published!
    6. Apply for PhD
    7. YTT + teach! (500hrs in 5 years?)

    I’m proud to have accomplished many of my goals for 2018 such as graduating from college, writing a killer thesis, investing in myself, challenging myself, and exploring my creativity more.

    There are a few aspirations from 2018 that I’m still working on though, such as getting a job and applying to grad school. Additionally, some of the items on that list are long-term goals, such as getting published and completing 500 hours of yoga teacher training.

    This year, for 2019, I have decided to approach my list differently: I have created resolutions that are short-term oriented, so I can actually accomplish them all in one year. These aspirations break down my longer-term goals into smaller, feasible tasks that ultimately serve as the foundation for the long-term goals I had created in 2017.

    Top 10 Goals for 2019

    1. Allot weekly yoga studying time
    2. Establish a consistent meditation practice, at least weekly
    3. Plan and execute a chakra yoga class series for the spring
    4. Research and book a yoga workshop/training for late 2019/2020
    5. Confidently making decisions! (Such as for grad school)
    6. Integrate cardio at least weekly into my routine
    7. Work daily on a long-term writing project
    8. Continue to maintain this blog and begin planning how to expand it
    9. Complete the rest of the half-read books that I have.
    10. Create a ritual for my ancestors

    I’ll definitely be keeping you all updated on my 2019 endeavors. I’m feeling quite optimistic about them.

    What are your aspirations for 2019? Please share them below!

    Xx Vic

  • Nevertheless, She Persisted 2019 Agenda
    Mysticism

    This Is Your Good Omen

    Since my campaign job ended at the beginning of this month, I’ve resumed looking for a full-time job. Although it hasn’t even been a month of this hustle, I’ve fallen into some negative thought-patterns again.  It’s actually affected my health this time.

    My thought-patterns were challenged the other day though when I was confronted with a small, yet powerful omen and reminder of the effectiveness of manifestation. I noticed the omen when I was partaking in the mundane task of waiting in line at TJ Maxx to return a bracelet. Before I divulge, let us rewind a bit…

    A few weeks prior I went to TJ Maxx to find gifts for the holidays and for my mom’s birthday. As I meandered through the aisles to survey the goods, I came across some cool planners.

    love planners. Well, not just any type of planner. I am loyal to my pocket-sized, leather-bound agenda with gold trim pages and a ribbon bookmark from Barnes and Noble. I carry this agenda with me at all times in case I need to write down an appointment or remember to do something.

    Since 2019 is quickly approaching and since I hadn’t yet repurchased the agenda I am so fond of, I scoped out the planners that TJ Maxx carried. I considered getting one of the planners that had cool graphics and stickers (my typical agenda isn’t as cute and affirmative), but I ultimately decided not to purchase one for several reasons. First of all, the planners TJ Maxx carried were all spiral-bound, which I loathe, plus it was larger and heavier than I prefer. I thought to myself that if it was $5 cheaper, I would buy it regardless just so I could have a planner for 2019. Now, let’s fast-forward to the other day…

    When I was in line to return a bracelet at TJ Maxx, I was thinking about the frustrating conversation that I had had with my girlfriend about the woes of job-hunting. I was feeling rather negative, especially because I had to wait in a long line to return one small item, but I decided to take advantage of my time by examining all the products that they have in the checkout line.

    Right before I was the next one at the register, I noticed a lone 2019 agenda that was stamped with “Nevertheless, She Persisted.” I actually have a t-shirt with that statement on it, but in that moment, it was exactly the reminder I needed. It was my good omen. Although job-hunting sucks and my efforts feel futile, I must persist. Eventually I’ll find what I need.

    I picked up the agenda curiously, dubious that I would actually like it since I’m so particular and loyal to the brand only available at Barnes and Noble. Well, shockingly, this specific agenda was identical to the interior of the agenda style that I am loyal too. The size of the agenda was a little bit bigger than the pocket-sized journal, but it wasn’t heavier and I could still carry it in any purse. This stray agenda was also not spiral-bound and it had a ribbon bookmark, just like my old one. As if it couldn’t get better, it was also $5 cheaper than the agenda that I had looked at a few weeks back, making it only $5.

    It all seemed too good to be true. I was at TJ Maxx, after all, so this agenda had to have a flaw. I inspected the agenda for damage, and it was in mint condition, ironically akin to the color of it. So, I bought it.

    You can regard this whole little experience in the line at TJ Maxx as just an odd coincidence or a small dose of good fortune, but I perceive it to be a small sign from the Universe that the Universe hasn’t forgotten about me. In fact, the Universe is unfolding as it should, and all I have to do is continue to persist. It’s not about worrying whether I’m persisting in the “right” direction…whatever I do is what I’m meant to do in the moment. Just keep going. Keep persisting.

    In addition to it being a good omen, I also believe I manifested this agenda. I’ve been putting it out into the Universe for a few months that I needed a new agenda. I had actually written in my old agenda, repeatedly since September, to get a new agenda for 2019. Despite my need, I kept postponing going to Barnes and Noble to the point where I doubted I was going to get an agenda in time for 2019. I had even requested my girlfriend get it for me. She didn’t get it for me though because she wasn’t supposed to, and I kept postponing going to Barnes and Noble because I wasn’t supposed to go. I was destined to find this agenda at TJ Maxx. It wasn’t the one that I wanted; it was actually better.

    If I can manifest a $5 agenda that contains a ton of significance, I can manifest the job that I need and want too. From what I’ve learned from The Alchemist so far, as well as from all the podcasts I listen to, manifesting is as simple as asking for it, being open to receiving it, and paying attention. I was very open that day, despite my frustration. In fact, I had been talking to my cousin in the car that same day about “signs” and about how not all negative setbacks indicate that you shouldn’t be pursuing your destiny. Sometimes they’re just roadblocks that you need to overcome.

    So…if you needed a sign that you are on the “right” track, or if you needed a reminder that your efforts are worthwhile, or if you needed to remember that all the power you need is within you, this is it. This is your good omen.

    Nevertheless, We Persisted.

    xx Vic

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