It’s almost the end of January…how has everyone’s 2020 been going?
Thus far, 2020 has completely taken my breath away!
But seriously, I haven’t been able to breathe. I have two inhalers for asthma that has developed as a result of a bacterial infection in my sinuses.
My sinuses and lungs have been an issue for a month now. It began with bronchitis, then a false diagnosis of strep throat, a visit to an allergist, and finally, an ear-nose-throat specialist. I’m currently back on antibiotics and I’m hoping that all of this inflammation will finally go away.
My inability to breathe has been a very…enlightening experience. I don’t think I ever took breathing for granted, however, I am now even more grateful that I have an overall healthy respiratory system.
These health issues have impacted my ability to go about my daily routine, such as working out and teaching yoga. Even talking and walking has been difficult because I’ve been gasping and coughing for oxygen. It’s also been extremely frustrating going to different doctors every week in the hopes that they can figure out what is going on with my body.
Although I haven’t been able to practice the physical aspect of yoga lately, I’ve been revisiting the more philosophical part. As a yoga teacher, I’m reminded not only of the importance of breath but also the importance to pause. Literally. Because moving too fast and too much left me breathless. After the hustle and bustle of the holidays, pausing to rejuvenate is so important.
One of the many benefits of pausing recently is that it has allowed me an opportunity to reflect. I’ve been reflecting on my accomplishments and I’ve been considering what I still want to do. I’ve also been researching how I can accomplish my desires.
This is all to say…I’m ready to make some big changes this year. I don’t know how to go about all that I want to do, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to do all that I want to do…but I am eager to transition from how I want to feel in 2020, to actually making decisions that would get me there.
The yoga class I took yesterday explored the “manifestation current” of the chakra system. For those of you that don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, the chakra system is the philosophy that there are energetic centers along our spines and each center is affiliated with different qualities. For example, the third-eye chakra (the space in between your eyebrows) correlates to intuition and visualization. Ideally, all the energetic centers should be balanced, however, most people’s chakras are not balanced all the time.
The “manifestation current” of the chakra system can be applied to achieving a dream. This current begins at the crown of the head with a wish/idea/feeling, it travels down the spine, and at the root chakra, or at the base of the spine, the dream manifests. Obviously, there are many processes in between. The in-between is probably the most thrilling part of the whole journey!
I began 2020 at the crown chakra- primarily focused on feelings I desire rather than specific, concrete goals. Being forced to pause because of my respiratory issues has allowed me to begin to visualize experiencing those feelings, so I moved down to the third-eye chakra. Without even realizing it, I’ve already traveled to the throat chakra because I’ve begun to vocalize what I’ve visualized with my parents and with my boyfriend to get their feedback and insight. I suppose I’m at the heart chakra now, which is the center of the chakra system. It also means I’m slowly approaching the part where I start taking action.
I’m both excited and terrified of this part because I’m afraid to feel unstable. I’m afraid of what I don’t know. I’m afraid I will handle change as terribly as I did when I graduated college…I’m afraid that I will be too hard on myself and thus, get in my own way.
At the end of the day though, I don’t want my fears to prevent me from pursuing what feels right to me so…I’m going to be trying some new things this year. Hopefully, I will soon be able to say that I’m breathless not from my respiratory issues, but from my excitement for all that I have been working toward.
What has been leaving you breathless from excitement lately? Please let me know 🙂
My sister and my girlfriend are going back to school this week, and for the first time in about seventeen years, I am not doing the same.
Since I am no longer a formal student at an American institution, I’ve been reflecting a lot on who I am.
Who am I without school?
I’m still determining how to answer this question, but I started by creating a more detailed “about me” page. It was fun to do and while it’s not comprehensive by any means, I think it was a good place to start.
Additionally, in the last week or so, I’ve been doing some things that I’ve put off because I was busy in school. For example, I’ve finished two books recently. I’m working on finishing two more before reading or buying a new one.
The biggest way I’ve attempted to answer my question is by deciding not to rush grad school. It was a little scary to come to this decision because I find school comforting in the sense that I know what goal I have to achieve: to graduate. The means are provided as well such as you have to take classes and study. Without school, my goal is more focused on becoming self-sufficient… I need a job to do that but the types of jobs I can have are innumerable! To me, this goal is quite a bit more overwhelming.
I want to tackle this goal, thus, I won’t be applying for grad school until next fall at the earliest.
Delaying grad school would also allow my work experiences and whatever else I experience to influence which grad program I will eventually pursue. I still plan to take the GREs this year but instead of taking them in November, I will take them in December or January.
In regards to jobs…I’ve had a ton of first interviews but it’s been slow to hear back about second interviews. I’m going to follow up with some places this week to see where I am at as a prospective employee. I will also begin to apply for part-time jobs so I don’t deplete my savings waiting for a full-time job.
Some part-time job opportunities include teaching yoga. I’ve been postponing looking for yoga jobs in person lately but I’ll have to resume it. I just created a class about creativity because it’s something I’ve been struggling with lately, and I’m super excited to teach it! I have to fine-tune some things still, but it feels good on my body and I think it’d feel good to others too.
I’ve been struggling with my creativity because I haven’t been using it to its full-extent these days. This is definitely partially attributed to school, which is one reason not being a student will be good for me because unless you allot time for creativity, school really hinders it. I was fortunate to have time to take two creative writing courses last year, but it has been difficult to maintain the drive to be creative because I was thrust from the cocoon of being a student to suddenly being a graduate who needs a job and wants to go to grad school and needs to study and…I was putting way too much on my plate.
Once I decided to postpone grad school another year, I allowed myself the time to breathe and to allow my creative mind to flow. In fact, I’ve been dreaming a lot at night these days, which I think is a good sign. One thing I need to work on though is disconnecting from the internet before and after bed, because that definitely stifles creativity. Instead I want to reintegrate meditation for at least 10 minutes everyday. My goal is to then create something every three days.
There are some other things I want to talk about and share, but perhaps that’ll be for a different time.
the nights seem to stretch beyond
the dawning of the sun
with my thick curtains
by anything outside
the confines of my unconscious mind
© 2018 Vic Romero
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