• Speaking My Mind

    -Weekend Blog!

    Graduation is in less than two weeks, and my life has been a little hectic in an exciting way. This past weekend I spent my days drinking and snacking at alumni events and other University gatherings with my friends and my girlfriend, hence why I did not get to make a Sunday post this Sunday. I was recovering from all the fun.

    I’ve been enjoying my last days as an undergraduate though because I’ve been celebrating with people that I care about and I also have more exciting activities planned up until graduation (I have three commencements to attend), and even after. Thus, my regular blogging schedule may continue to be a little erratic until late May or the beginning of June.

    Since I didn’t get to post on Sunday because of the senioritis excitement, I will at least detail the festivities I participated in.

    Thursday:

    My girlfriend and I went on a spontaneous date! We greatly enjoy BYOB sushi places, which is what we did at a local place. The drug store near us surprisingly had alcohol (this is a novelty experience in NJ where only liquor stores carry alcohol), and we got a wine that was less than $5! Neither of us had ever found and purchased a wine that cheap (except maybe when I was in Europe) it wasn’t bad wine at all. It easily could have been at least a $10 wine.

    Anyway, it was great because we at sushi and got drunk on cheap wine. Then when we were leaving, we heard live music at a bar and so we popped in. It was a male guitarist who had a great voice. We got Moscow mules, which is my favorite mixed drink at the moment, and had a great time listening to the musician at a pretty hipster place.

    We’ve been to that bar before because it’s also a liquor store, and last time we did BYOB sushi locally, we got a $25 bottle of wine there. That was the most I’ve spent on wine, but it was well worth it. That bottle was from Spain and it was simply divine.

  • Speaking My Mind

    August…

    I just returned from my family vacation to Europe, and it was a wonderful time.  We went to Barcelona, Paris, and London.  It was for two weeks, so pretty much the entirety of August thus far.  I was nervous about going on a vacation that was so long and being isolated to with my family the entire time, but it ended up going really well: I didn’t confront any conflict with my family and although traveling had its ups and downs, overall, it was a nice vacation and I got to explore and see different things.

    I prepared a lot for any emotional challenges I might face during my travels.  I brought lavender oil with me, my Kindle, my journal, different colored pens, PlayDough, chocolate, and all of the DBT packets from my therapy group this summer.  I didn’t use all of these tools during my trip, but when I did need something, they were very helpful.  I tended to use the lavender oil and my Kindle the most.  I journaled twice with my colorful pens.

    Anyway…so I’m back to working my super-flexible job and I’m starting to plan how to plan for the rest of the summer and for my second to last semester.

    Second to last semester!  It’s so incredibly crazy…I’m going to be graduating in May.

  • Speaking My Mind

    Save Rock and Roll (Save Myself)

    I’m bored with all of the books I’ve been trying to read and with all of the shows I want to watch so I decided it was about time to come on here and write again.  So…yeah..I’m ending my Fall-Out-Boy-esque-hiatus now.  My hiatus was not five years nor did I release an underrated, killer record before going on break and then proceed to get married, launch a solo career, or have children during my hiatus…but this has been the longest break I’ve taken from writing on here, and in general, since…my sophomore or junior year in high school.  It’s a little unfortunate I didn’t write because I like to document my life, thoughts, and feelings…but everything seemed so…heavy at the time and the idea of writing anything…I didn’t perceive it as therapeutic.

    During the last month or so, however, I have been documenting random thoughts/feelings into a journal by hand to at least get them out there and then I would organize them into the different Bullet Journal prompts I had going.

    Anyway!  I am going to resume writing again.  I’ve been having an urge to write creatively over the last week or so…hopefully I can do some of that because I miss that.  In the meantime, I’ll blog a bit about what’s going on and I’ll start with an update since a bunch has been going on!

  • Speaking My Mind

    Four Weeks Later

    My surgery was about a month ago, if not longer, and it went well. It was a 20 minute procedure and I wasn’t in pain until the following day. The following day and all the days after that were miserable though. 

    My mom and sister coddled me back to good health. They wheeled me around in the wheelchair, took me to class/tutoring/office hours (I was taking a summer class and unfortunately couldn’t live in my apartment for awhile due to the surgery), helped me out around the house, helped me wash my hair, etc. They were incredible, especially considering that I was a whiny ass sometimes because I hated being unable to function normally and I felt like my summer was taken away. At least the Olympics began during my recovery so when I wasn’t doing academic things, I was focused on watching the Olympics with my sister. 

    Unfortunately, the week of my final exam was terrible. I was finally feeling better and able to hobble around a bit so I stayed in my apartment to focus on studying a couple days before the exam. I was stressed because the last exam I took, I did poorly. I didn’t do as poorly as that time in calculus when I thought I at least got a B but got a D instead, but I was disappointed nonetheless. Especially since I wanted to ace this class. That was the whole purpose of taking this class in the summer! After my second exam, it would’ve been difficult to obtain even a B+. 

    So a couple days before my final, I sat in my room in my apartment studying/trying to focus on studying. Then I took my exam, which was tough despite the days I spent in solitude studying. The exam was only two hours and I don’t think it was incredibly challenging, but I kept second-guessing myself because my math didn’t make sense to me. I ended up being the last person in the room taking the exam. 

    Immediately upon exiting the building, I burst into tears. Not cute, happy tears, but hysterical, ugly tears with tons of snot. What made it worse was that I only had one tissue and the bus back to my apartment wasn’t coming for another hour. I didn’t want to walk home since it was late and I was only able to hobble. 

    I wanted to talk to someone about my exam to help calm me down, but I didn’t know who…I definitely wasn’t going to call my mom because slobbering on the phone to her would’ve made me feel worse. (She usually gets hysterical when I’m hysterical). Sometimes things happen at perfectly convenient times though. 

    Right after I sat down on a bench, I got a text from a guy I met on Tinder last September. We never actually met up. I blew him off a couple times, not that we ever had serious plans to meet up anyway. Since Septemner, we’ve texted on and off…maybe once or twice every couple of months. He had texted me the day before my final so he knew I had a final, but he didn’t know when it was. His text came at the perfect time. 

    I spent the next hour crying and texting him on the bench in the courtyard. He was perfect to talk to because we aren’t close at all so I didn’t care if I seemed lame by being so upset and because there was so much to learn about him, I was able to distract myself effectively by getting to know him. 

    Then the bus finally came and I texted him until 1am in between self-pity shots of shitty pink lemonade vodka and episodes of Angel. 

    The following day, I felt like crap and not necessarily from the vodka (although I didn’t feel super from that either) but because my doom and gloom attitude about my exam suffocated me. It was also a glum day outside, which tends to heighten my bad moods. 

    I ended up missing the bus to work and having to pay for an Uber. At that point, I was sufficiently upset and pissed at myself and I just wanted to go home. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to do that, so I got an iced coffee. That’s when my day spun around. 

    My summer coffee choice has been Dunkin Donuts’ Almond Joy iced coffee, especially after they stopped offering the Pistachio one. In my hometown, they didn’t have the Almond Joy flavor anymore but at school, they fortunately had some left! 

    Coffee is comparable to alcohol to me. I’m sensitive to caffeine so it makes me all hyper and happy. Alcohol makes me feel relaxed and silly, but they both make me feel…better? I’m unsure if that’s the appropriate word but..it’s like, if you’re nervous for a party, you have a drink to loosen up. If I’m having a bad day, I have coffee to pipe me up. 

    So I was at work feeling a little better, especially since the first-years were interesting to talk to. Then I found out I got an A in the class! Which seemed impossible based on my calculations but there was some extra credit involved and possibly a curve so…I was extremely happy. I proceeded to tell the Tinder guy and then I felt silly to have cried so much after my exam. 

    Afterwards, a guy came up to my table at work. I recognized him from when I went to the movies back in June. He worked at the theater and somehow my friends and I had gotten into a discussion about sexual violence in the news with him. When he told me he was attending my university this fall, I insisted he come to orientation to check out my job since I work in this field and since he seemed pretty educated and interested in this work. At the time, he scoffed at the idea of attending orientation but low and behold, he was there! The last orientation of the summer happened to be one of the few days I was working, so I was able to run into him. Then we chatted, he signed up for more information, and got super involved during the part of orientation where we talk about sexual violence. He impressed my boss enough to earn free sunglasses! 

    I love how things work out. 

    When he left, I talked to another guy who complimented my hair. I thought it looked subpar that day so it was nice to have heard otherwise. 

    So yeah..it was a rough week that ended well. That has pretty much been the tone of my summer. It’s been way less social compared to last summer with all the partying and working but..it’s been good nonetheless. 

    I went abroad for the first time, worked two jobs a bit, read a bunch and finished Buffy, completed three credits with an A, and I just returned from a fun trip to Las Vegas! I’m healthy and I haven’t smoked since July so…this is good. Now I just have to finish getting ready for school in a week or so!

    How have your summers been? Comment below!

    x Vic 

  • Travel

    Vic’s European Vacation: Day 4: London to Paris

    I woke up drunk and at the crack of dawn because I had to pack for Paris!

    Well, when we got to the Eurostar station, the train for Paris that was supposed to leave at 8:30am was delayed two hours. Our train was delayed, but luckily not as long. We ended up being in Paris only an hour later than expected.

    I was disappointed in the Eurostar because they kept advertising about wifi, but I had no signal at all. Not even cellular service!

    Although it was cool how fast the train went.  It went 75 meters underground at 300km/hr in 54 km long tunnels.  That was the only impressive part of the Eurostar.

    Despite the delay, we saw all the sites we were supposed to on the bus tour, and we made perfect timing!  The tour guide was super nice and funny, but I liked the one in London a little better.  The tour guide in London had a ton of attitude, she was great.

    After the tour, we were supposed to organize little groups of about four or so to share bottles of wine for the cruise tour on the Seine River.  There was a grocery store right across the street from the hotel, so we all went there to get wine.  The wine was so cheap though! You could get wine for about 3 euros!  So we ended up with our own bottles of wine instead of sharing haha

    Getting the wine was a little scary though.  When I was buying my wine, the cashier woman started speaking to me in French.  I don’t speak French though, so I said, “excuse me?” The manager was watching the transaction and then piped up loudly and sarcastically like, “Oh, she doesn’t speak French!  She speaks English!  Only English!”

    The cashier lady laughed and when I finished the transaction, I bolted out of there.  I felt so embarrassed and uncomfortable…and since this was the first foreign country I was in where I didn’t speak the native language, I felt afraid.  I realized how challenging it may be for me on the rest of the trip where the native language is not English nor Spanish.

    After we all got the wine, we took the bus to the fancy dinner.  The food was delicious, but the red wine was a little too dry for my liking.


    Here’s the food! I had that giant creme brûlée to myself! I couldn’t finish it all though.

    Then we went on the Seine River cruise!  I cracked up when we all got off of the bus with a bottle of wine per person.  We all climbed onto the roof of the boat and then passed around the two bottle openers.  Boat tour, everyone has their own bottle

    As you could probably imagine, we all got drunk.

    The end of the tour was a close-up view of the Eiffel Tower sparkling…we all went crazy when it sparkled right in front of us.  Suddenly, we were all scrambling to take drunken pics.  The alumni advisor thought it was funny how excited we got about it.  Here are some of my drunken pictures:


    After the cruise, we did a city night tour of Paris.  Everyone was belligerent and trying to use the bathroom on the bus, although it was closed.  I’m sure the bus driver couldn’t wait for us to get off.

    Then, back at the hotel, my roommate helped me finish my bottle of wine because I couldn’t do it myself.  Speaking of hotel rooms, the rooms we had in Paris were incredibly tiny.  Also, the hangers in Europe are different than the US.  At least they’re different in the European hotels.  The closets don’t have a pole parallel to the door, the poles are perpendicular to the doors.  I’m not such a fan of it.

    Anywho, she and the sorority squad then went out while the rest of us got crepes.

    LOOK AT HOW DELICIOUS!!


    Everybody in France smokes.  Seriously, everybody.  Only one girl on my trip smoked, and I don’t know what I was thinking…that I wanted to experiment I guess.  But anyway, she gave me a cigarette and me and this super tall guy on the trip started smoking at the outdoor crepe shop.  I did a bad job of smoking, though.  I didn’t realize you have to tap off the end once in awhile because then I had white powder all over my leather jacket lol
    Then I got yelled at for smoking too close to the crepes, I felt like a real smoker.

    After the crepes, we went to a bar.  It was a weekday though so we were the only people there, it was pretty hilarious.  The bar only played American music, it was weird.  We drank upstairs for awhile and then went to the basement.  One of the dudes and I got behind the bar there to pretend to be bartenders, which ultimately got us all kicked out of the basement.  Then we just hung out at the main part of the bar.

    One of the dudes on the trip bought one of the girls a beer, although she was already crazy drunk.  She was Beyonce dancing the whole night lol and they also held hands underneath the table.  On the way back, he gave her a piggy-back ride, and she fell off.  We all had to hoist her up and hold her on the way back to the hotel.

    The guy that pretended to be a bartender with me was kind of lurking around me…it felt like he wanted to get funky later.  One of my Latina friends noticed though and she swooped in to save me.  I wasn’t looking to be saved…I don’t mean I was like…interested in this guy.  I wasn’t interested in the guy nor was I in the mood to get funky but…it was nice of her to do anyway.  Although it was super effective because then we ended up on the same floor, unlike everyone else.

    He noticed me and we hung around the door to my room, talking.  It felt like something could easily happen..there was a little drunken chemistry.  A little drunken flirting…and then he farted.

    It was silent and extremely deadly.

    Then the drunken chemistry fizzled, the flirting stopped, the talking idled…He was like, “I think I’m going to go to bed now.”

    And that was it.  We hardly talked the rest of the trip.

    I stayed awake for several hours drunkenly texting some friends from home.

    I had to leave the door to my hotel room slightly cracked for my partying roomie.  There was only one room key, and I had it.  I ended up sleeping for like four hours, which has become typical of this trip lol

    xo Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    Post-Summer Solstice

    I haven’t been the greatest at posting these European blogs…or beginning to even write them.  I was determined to write all of the blogs about my trip on my trip because of how much time we spent traveling.  As per usual, I don’t follow through with my plans.

    I wrote consistently for the first two days.  Afterwards, I just wrote lists of things I didn’t want to forget because I slept every time we traveled.  When I got home, I was too exhausted to bother with writing the blogs and a month later, I am just fucking lazy.  I’ll finish writing the blogs eventually because it’s important to me, but until then…I’ll be in the USofA, rotting away.

    Since I’ve returned to the states, my life has been incredibly drab.  It’s not because the excitement and glamour of Europe has dulled my regular, old life, but rather, I’m in limbo right now.  Hell, I’m always in limbo.  I should rename my blog “Life in Limbo” or something lame like that.  (Speaking of my blog, I’ve been meaning to redesign it again.  Another thing to add to my To-Do list.)

    The reason I feel like I’m in limbo is because I am very lost when it comes to what the fuck I’m doing with myself.  I don’t have a strict schedule so my days are all over the place, and I’m not the greatest fan of that.  I miss school for my hour-by-hour itineraries.  Fortunately, I’m resuming school in a couple of weeks, so order shall be restored to my life!  Until then, I’ll be in limbo.

    Some things I’ve been doing while I’m in limbo include working!  Yes, shockingly, I got a job!

  • Travel

    Vic’s European Vacation: Day 3: Lit in London


    The croissants are SO GOOD they’re so crunchy it reminds me of that Italian dessert that my mom and I like that I can’t remember the name of right now…
    Oh, fun facts! My mom came to Europe twenty years ago and warned me about the water but the water is safe to drink. (Perhaps it always was, she just didn’t know?) She also told me the beer is served warm in England, but everything was ice cold. With optional ice.

    Oh, fun facts! My mom came to Europe twenty years ago and warned me about the water but the water is safe to drink. (Perhaps it always was, she just didn’t know?) She also told me the beer is served warm in England, but everything was ice cold. With optional ice.
    Additionally, Nero Cafe is the Starbucks of England, although England has many Starbucks too. Boots is the Walgreens/Duane Reade/CVS/Rite Aid of England.

    Additionally, Nero Cafe is the Starbucks of England, although England has many Starbucks too. Boots is the Walgreens/Duane Reade/CVS/Rite Aid of England.
    Anywho…! So the first thing we did in the morning was go on a walking tour of the Parliament area, Buckingham Palace, and the Tower of London.

    Anywho…! So the first thing we did in the morning was go on a walking tour of the Parliament area, Buckingham Palace, and the Tower of London.

    Here I am in front of the Westminster Abbey. MLK is an honored person here, among many others from all over the world. He has a little statue of himself over the archway. He is the center one holding the child.

    Then we saw the Switching of the Guards. I didn’t think I would have the opportunity to see them so it was a pleasant surprise.

    Afterward, we went to the London of Tower, where the tour ended. We got lunch and I tried Halloumi cheese in a wrap. It was delicious!

    I had tickets to the Tower though so I went on a tour in there and then checked out all the exhibits. Apparently, the Queen lives here with her bodyguards and their families, who also serve as maintainers of the castle and tour guides. They served in the military for 22 years before assuming this position, if they choose to. Sir Isaac Newton lived here at one point too!

    Then we went to the London Eye. It was incredible.


    When I was in that area, I got a better photo of Big Ben than on the tour. Big Ben is actually not the building, but the huge bell inside the building!

    At this point, I noticed how sore my legs were probably due to malnutrition and dehydration. I’ve not been enjoying well-balanced meals at all, and most of my beverages have consisted of tea and alcohol. The alumni with us keeps reminding us that nothing counts when we’re on vacation, so eat, drink, and buy whatever you want! It’s terrible advice but it’s kind of what I’m using to reaffirm my poor decisions haha

    Some people in my group wanted to go to Platform 9 3/4 from Harry Potter, so we went to Kings Cross. We ate at some British hipster place and I noticed that English people say certain vegetables differently than Americans do. Aubergine is the English way to say eggplant and courgettes is the English way to say zucchini.

    Well, I got drunk before dinner even came out. It was embarrassing because everyone else seemed fine and they drank as much as I did! Everyone is older than me though so maybe they’re more tolerant than I am..or maybe they were hiding their drunkenness too.

    After dinner, half the group went to wait in line to take a photo at the 9 3/4 thing. They have a carriage, wand, and scarf to make it appear as though you are going into the wall to access the platform, like in Harry Potter. It was pretty cool but I didn’t want to wait in line, I wanted to get drunk! So the other half and I went to a pub called Britannia in Kensington. We went to it on our pub crawl the night before. I didn’t notice until I had to navigate London myself that there are no street signs on poles! All the street signs are on the sides of buildings, which makes no sense because you can’t see them well if you’re driving! We could hardly see them when we were walking, and that wasn’t because we were drunk.
    At this pub, I had two glasses of wine, making it five glasses total for one night. I think that means I drank about a whole bottle myself? It sounds pretty gross when I think about it…

    The rest of the group showed up later and we bonded. It was super nice because I felt a little in-limbo with the group. I take a little while to feel comfortable with people and it was a little intimidating because half of the people knew each other before the trip…but tonight at the pub, I bonded with some people and it was nice. Two of them are also half Latina, which was cool! And they live and work near my university so although one graduated and the other one doesn’t go to my university, we can probably hang out when we are back in the states!

    Here are me and my Latina pals 🙂

    Apparently, I thought it was not enough that I basically drank a bottle of wine myself because then at the hotel bar, I got a cider with a shot of something…I’m not sure what it was but the bartender added it because he knew I wanted a strong drink. I was quite lit.

    We ran into some other people in our group and we hung out with them for awhile. Then I turned in at 1am. My roommate got back from a date around then (she met some English person at a bar and he asked her on a date and she went like whoa wow) so we ended up talking until like 2am. We hadn’t talked like at all before so it was nice to bond with her too, although I was only able to sleep like 4 hours as a result 🙁

    I mean..what do I expect though? I knew this was going to be a sleepless trip. I’ll probably need a vacation after this!

    xo Vic

  • Travel

    Vic’s European Vacation: Day 1: Traveling to London

    I’m in London! I’m doing a Europe trip with the alumni association at my university, although I won’t be an alumn for another two years but whatever! I’m a world traveler now!

    So here are the details of my seven hour flight to London…

    I’ve been at the airport since 1:30pm. (It is 5:30pm when I write this) My flight wasn’t delayed, my parents just wanted to ensure that I get through security, which has been crazy long lately.

    It was a little embarrassing because I started crying when I left my parents. I’m unsure what came over me..maybe it was because they had waited in line with me to go through security. Maybe if I said “bye” at the car, it wouldn’t have been such a dragged out “goodbye” and therefore it would’ve been less sad.
    Anywho…

    Well this is the plane. It has three rows instead of two.


    This is my dinner spread. They gave me wine without carding me !

    I think my alcohol tolerance got super low because I feel tipsy after drinking less than half the cup. And I’m eating with the wine! I guess it makes sense I don’t have the highest tolerance right now because I haven’t been drinking much for the last month. A little before finals, I kinda holed myself up and avoided the party scene. I’ve been tipsy here and there but I haven’t been hammered since..mid-April maybe? So I have to be extra careful at the pub crawl my first night in London.

    Anyway, I hope I can get some sleep. I definitely need it.  

    xo Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    Gladiators Don’t Run, They Fight

    There are about two months left of school, and then I’m off on a plane to Europe where I will get drunk in every country and hopefully hit up a couple of gay bars.

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