• Speaking My Mind

    From Now On

    As of yesterday, I am officially ancient.

    Farewell to the days when I am called a minor condescendingly. As a legal adult, I am allowed liberties that I did not have yesterday.

    I decided to celebrate my ancientness by writing eighteen plus one new things I can do now that I’m eighteen. The plus one thing is for good luck. Yay.

    Now That I’m An Adult I Have The Privilege To…

    1. Go to jail
    2. Be registered as a sex offender
    3. Go to bars (but only in foreign countries and Puerto Rico) and grind on attractive people
    4. Get a hotel room for the sexy nights with the attractive people I met at the bars
    5. Marry my lover from the bar and adopt a child, then get a divorce
    6. Call and order useless crap from informercials
    7. Open my own bank account and get insurance
    8. Donate blood
    9. Vote
    10. Finally get the “naked man with huge cock” tattoo on my bicep and pierce my nipps
    11. Enlist in the army
    12.File a lawsuit/be sued
    13. Buy porn or better yet, become a porn star
    14. Legally change my name to something sexier/sluttier, like Margarita Wilde
    15. Gamble away my paychecks from Smashburger/my porn star career
    16. Get a lotto ticket and win big bucks to pay off my debt from gambling
    17. Sign legal documents
    18. Become a bartender
    19. Be considered an adult for the rest of my freaking life

    Being a legal adult is all that I had hoped it would be.

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