she threw her torso over the edge of the bed and hung upside down. her hair swished back and forth, grazing the floor. her shirt rode up her stomach, revealing her belly ring and her hip piercingings.
“in retrospect,” she sighed, “nothing matters. if something seems shitty, look at it upsidedown.”
i laughed. “you’re so wise when you’re drunk.”
she put her hands on the floor and then puhed off with her legs, kicking herself over her head and landing on her feet, facing me.
“i’m not drunk, i’m serious,” she insisted. “you take astronomy! how insignificant is earth in comparison to the universe?”
“earth is really small.”
“yes! earth is like the point of a needle! and yet, we as people…we’re even smaller than that…and we get so upset!” she exclaimed, pacing back and fourth. “like you and that girl!”
“yeah! she treated you like crap and you miss her?! no! fuck her! although earth is like the tip of a needle, there’s a fucking lot of people here that would treat you a million times better without even dating you! don’t miss her, fuck her!”on that note, she jumped onto the bed beside me and sprawled out on her back.
“wow, you really are drunk,” i noted, causing her to erupt in a fit of giggles.
“yeah…i’m feeling kinda dizzy now,” she laughed. “but i do mean what i said. move on, you deserve better.”
“i have moved on!” i argued.
she shook her head sadly and then close her eyes. “what happened to that other girl?”
i looked at her quizzically. “what other girl?”
“the one that you thought wasy babylicious! you basically drooled all over her!”
“hold up,” i interrupted, “i haven’t drooled over anyone, i’ve barely talked to anyone.”
“you’re full of crap! everytime we go out you wave to someone!” she countered.
“fine, but i don’t particularly like anyone…”
“i’m going to find you someone,” she said fervently as she took another swig of tequila from the bottle. “are you sure you don’t want any?”
“yeah, i’m okay,” i replied.
her face scrunched up as the liquid burned down her throat.
“i haven’t drank since…i realized i needed to break up with her. and that was a really low moment for me so i haven’t wanted to drink lately,” i confessed.
“victoria, that was over two months ago already,” she stated factually. “like i said before, move on”
“i have though!”
she shook her head. “when you don’t want to drink because you just don’t want to, then you’ve moved on. but you’re associating drinking with your ex like…we’re finding you someone new in the spring. we are not leaving in the summer without finding you someone that gives you butterflies and makes you blush and makes you feel happy and beautiful and deserving.”
“okay,” i said, giving in to her positivity and determination. feeling that way again would be nice. i smiled at her, grateful to have her part of my life. she returned my smile with glossy eyes and then handed me the bottle.
“here, you’re ready. you’re readier than you realize.”
tentatively, i took the bottle from her grasp and held it to my lips. the aroma was overpowering but i bravely downed a gulp. and then she screamed and hugged me.
“2015 is going to be our year,” she whispered and then kissed my cheek.
© 2014 Vic Romero
Today, May 27, 2014, is my best friend’s 19th birthday and my 3-month anniversary with my girlfriend.
It should be a happy day but my best friend and I have spent it crying because her former boss is a stalker and emailed her at 12:01 am to say happy birthday, and my girlfriend lost her promotion to becoming assistant manager, she’s getting transferred to another store, and the other boss that didn’t know about our relationship now knows about us.
I am also bombarded with math tests and final projects this week, the week of prom and prom weekend.
I don’t know what’s going on with my girlfriend yet and my best friend is scared to leave her house for her birthday dinner tonight.
I’m really worried and upset about my girlfriend…and I don’t know if she’s mad at me..maybe she doesn’t wanna talk to me…which is okay, I understand but… I’m also scared to go back to work in two weeks now.
When I find out, I will make another post.
In the meantime I will be listening to Fall Out Boy and trying to calm down.
I hope you all are having a better Tuesday than I am.
She texted me today
I stared dumbfounded at the screen
Unsure of what to say
“Hey, I’m fine.”
“I’m feeling happy, I’m feeling gay.”
Those bullshit words weren’t worth typing
When she hasn’t texted me in months
Yeah, she has said nothing
And suddenly she is reaching out to me
Of course it’s when I finally feel genuinely happy.
© 2014 Vic Romero
I came out through text message to my friend…I’ll call her “Ariana.”
I met her two summers ago…June 2012. We did a week-long summer program at Barnard College in Manhattan. I had spent the first two nights alone, then I met her in the bathroom and asked if she wanted to hang out with me. Ever since then, we have been friends. Although we don’t live nearby each other, we try to get together every once in awhile. She currently goes to an all-women’s college five hours away.
Before she went to college, we met up in Manhattan and we were talking about sexuality. I had just disclosed all the details of my online fling and all the rebounds…and then we talked about what it would be like to go to a school where there are no men around. My friend is rather…sexual…? She likes to have a good time, especially with boys. She was a little nervous about the absence of boys, and then I said something about how she can always hook up with a girl. She said that she wouldn’t object to that. If she likes a woman, why not?
Ariana is cool. That’s why I felt the most comfortable coming out to her. I knew that she would be cool with it.
I love you…
But you won’t ever know
I need you
But I have to let you go
Sure, we can be friends
If I don’t mind
Having my heart ripped to shreds
Every time I see you
Every time I get near you
Every time I hear you laugh
All I want
Is to be with you
Hold your hand
Lean my head on your chest
Feel your heartbeat
Feel the warmth of your breath
As it tickles my neck
Your lips, sweetly caress…
These are only dreams though
Although I’m pretty sure
You are the only girl for me
© 2014 Vic Romero
My lungs fill up with death
After inhaling another cold, icy breath
My lips and fingers are a bit blue
Tears freeze on each cheek too
My heart is bruised
I am different
But I don’t know if anyone will accept it
I walk briskly and think of what could be
And reminisce about what could’ve been for me
The loose ends are still frayed threads
Only now I have a loving, kind friend
That holds the ends together
She promised ‘always’…does that mean forever?
Lost in my thoughts
I forget how to walk
Although I remember each step I made
And I know each step I still have to take
As I approach what is supposed to be home
The place my heart has left so long ago
I hope that someone somewhere will one day accept me
© 2013 VicRomero
*image from Google