Her favorite types of bridges are the old, wooden ones that have vines curling along the railing and suspension cables, in the deep woods. She prefers it when they overlook a stream, so when she’a standing on it, she can gaze at the water crystals rushing over the rocks.
These types of bridges remind her of The Bridge to Terabithia. A magical, scenic bridge that takes you somewhere else…somewhere better. She wants to go somewhere better, but no matter how many bridges she crosses, they only leave her with reality. Every bridge she crosses that doesn’t take her far away from reality is burned down. Regardless of the beauty they uphold, and regardless of the history they have. She just doesn’t want to be followed, and she doesn’t want to go back.
I think this is one of the longest periods I’ve gone without writing since I got into online writing forums about four years ago. I haven’t been too busy to write, nor have I not known what to write…the truth is, I have been causing myself unnecessary mental suffering and not until more recently, I’ve mostly overcome it through the aid of counseling, exercise, and meditation. This first year in college has challenged me academically as well as personally. The hardest part of college has been navigating the personal development and growth, including the experiences that occurred before college, which continues to affect me. The last three weeks have proved to me that I am, and will continue to be, okay. Actually, I will be great.
Last night really proved it to me…
Yesterday she texted me.
She is my former best friend. Former because I fell in love with her and then pushed her away. Too far away.
After coming out to myself and being able to confidently write “I like girls”, I enjoy talking to her again. I allow myself to feel all the gooey emotions that she evokes in me. I allow myself to love her.
But before, when I denied myself to feel love or lust for women, I was always angry at her.