• Speaking My Mind

    Discerning What Feels Right to Me

    My favorite professor in my department was talking about discernment yesterday during class.  She said that crying is part of that process because crying is literally washing the eyes so you can see clearer.  It’s also a bridge to your subconscious, which enables you to discern “what feels right to you,” as Audre Lorde says.

    I’ve been crying a lot but I’ve been primarily dismissive of myself when I do cry by thinking that I need to get over it and that I need to get it together…I want to discern what feels right to me without doing the work for it.

  • Short Stories,  Speaking My Mind

    Wednesday Night

    6:00pm

    The hard, red exterior finally split in between my fingers and plump, white meat burst out. “See? It’s easy once you get the hang of it,” I explained, yanking out the flesh and putting it in my mouth.

    She looked at me skeptically and then frowned at the lifeless lobster sprawled out on her plate. “I think this is the most barbaric thing I’ve ever done,” she replied solemnly before idly picking it up and ripping the tail off of the boiled body.

    8:00pm

    FULL TIME. COMPETITIVE SALARY. HEALTH BENEFITS.

    Glassy-eyed, I scrolled through the job opportunities online, those key words attracting me to read more. I submitted application after application, hoping I would hear a response back soon but feeling doubtful. Online job applications felt like they were sucked into the infinity of space, especially due to the lack of humanness about the process. After about an hour of this mind-numbing activity, I picked up research articles I had printed out earlier and began to critically read them. This was mentally stimulating, but also mentally exhausting. Soon, I needed a break.

    11:00pm

    The blue string-lights provided an eerie ambiance in my room. The shadows on the wall were somber and crept along the top of my bed slowly as I climbed into bed. I studied the shadows closely for a minute, wondering if they felt as glum as I did since they were, after all, a shadow of myself. I sighed, rolling over to face the TV, and hit “play” on the remote to start a very romantic and emotional episode of Black Mirror.

    © 2017 Vic Romero

  • Speaking My Mind

    Save Rock and Roll (Save Myself)

    I’m bored with all of the books I’ve been trying to read and with all of the shows I want to watch so I decided it was about time to come on here and write again.  So…yeah..I’m ending my Fall-Out-Boy-esque-hiatus now.  My hiatus was not five years nor did I release an underrated, killer record before going on break and then proceed to get married, launch a solo career, or have children during my hiatus…but this has been the longest break I’ve taken from writing on here, and in general, since…my sophomore or junior year in high school.  It’s a little unfortunate I didn’t write because I like to document my life, thoughts, and feelings…but everything seemed so…heavy at the time and the idea of writing anything…I didn’t perceive it as therapeutic.

    During the last month or so, however, I have been documenting random thoughts/feelings into a journal by hand to at least get them out there and then I would organize them into the different Bullet Journal prompts I had going.

    Anyway!  I am going to resume writing again.  I’ve been having an urge to write creatively over the last week or so…hopefully I can do some of that because I miss that.  In the meantime, I’ll blog a bit about what’s going on and I’ll start with an update since a bunch has been going on!

  • Speaking My Mind

    The Eve Before More Surgery

    I’m having surgery again tomorrow, but unlike last time, I’m not afraid because I already know what to expect.  Nonetheless, I’m not particularly thrilled about it, although it will be better to go through the surgery than to avoid it.

    The surgery I had before, and the one that I’m having again, isn’t super serious; it’s purely a dermal procedure to ensure that I don’t have skin cancer and that I don’t develop it from what’s been considered atypical.  Despite this, the fact that I have to get surgery “to be safe” and “to check” for these things has confronted me with mortality more than before. Then, a month after my first surgery, my cousin was killed, which was devastating in itself while also further contributing to these thoughts about mortality.

  • Speaking My Mind

    I Think About You Everyday

    I’ve been rather depressed since my cousin’s passing.  Depressed, scared, and pensive about morbid things.

    I’ve been thinking about death…what was it like for my cousin to die?  It makes me feel bad to think about that since the accident was so violent…but it also makes me sad to think about how her last feeling may have been fear. It hurts me to think she may have been in pain too, although the doctor said she died upon impact, but who really knows?  Maybe they said it for our sake.

  • Speaking My Mind

    Finding My Passion

    During summer orientation, I fell in love with an improv club.  They performed a skit about sexual assault in college, and it was mind-blowing.  I had never seen anything like it before…it was raw, emotional, and provocative. I wanted to see how I could get involved during my first year of college, so I signed up.

    In college, I attended a variety of clubs, but the improv club was the only club that I loved.  I don’t act, but the club isn’t solely a performance club.  During meetings, we played games, ate food, had discussions about interpersonal violence…and unlike other clubs that I had attended, everyone in this club was welcoming and friendly.

  • Speaking My Mind

    Positive Energy Is Coursing Through My Veins

    I have one more week of winter break and then I’m back to school, and I honestly can’t wait. I’m excited to start the spring semester and experience all that college has to offer both academically and socially for me. I feel so different already after one semester, some people that I haven’t seen since I went to college noted how I’ve changed a bit and I can’t wait to change even more. I’ve been feeling so positive and upbeat lately, it’s so refreshing after having been bogged down by a ton of bullshit during my first semester. Lately, through the advice of my best friend, I’ve just been letting bad thoughts go rather than dwelling on them…and doing that was much easier than I thought.

    This semester is going to be a little harder than last semester but I know I’m going to get through it because I’ve proven to myself time and time again that I can do anything. I just need to try.

    Anyway, I plan on going back to writing more once my break ends but for now I just want to relax. I hope everything is going well for everyone!

    -Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    I’m Proud of Myself

    Finals are in about a week and a half now, and I’m actually not stressed out. Or maybe I’m just in denial.

    But seriously, it doesn’t take much to get me stressed out and you’d think since these are my first finals that I’d be losing it, much like how I was when it came to midterms. I’m not losing it though! I’m actually okay…really exhausted but I’m doing okay…maybe even great!

  • Short Stories,  Speaking My Mind

    On The Brink

    The wind whips my hair back as I gaze at everything below me.  From my nearly aerial view, I can observe all my accomplishments, my struggles, and my failures.  In the past, some of those struggles and failures seemed daunting, but I’ve somehow found the strength within me to overcome them and to get where I am now.

    I stand on the brink of what was and what will be…I’m able to see my past clearly now but the road ahead remains foggy.  I only took one bag from my past with me, and it’s relatively heavy since some of my previous struggles continue to burden me…but maybe once I continue my climb, up high into the future, I’ll be able to get rid of them.  My bag is not just heavy with burdensome things, it’s also brimming with relationships and memories that I grip onto in order to remember my roots and keep me grounded as I conquer my future.

    The brink is a scary place to be…it’s so easy to just fall off of the rocky cliff and back into familiarity…but familiarity can’t ever be the same because naturally everything changes.  Conversely to falling, climbing is difficult because it’s physically and mentally exhausting…your footing may slip on the crumbling rocks as you scale the unpaved path in order to find your destiny…but when you make it to the top, or to the next brink, it’s quite rewarding.

    I pick up a pebble that’s by my foot and toss it into my past below me…I can’t see or hear it land because I’m too high up, and I’m determined to climb higher.

    Maybe I’ll visit soon…use my parachute and float back to familiarity…but it’ll only be a short visit.  I have goals to accomplish.

    © 2014 Vic Romero

    **image from Google

  • Speaking My Mind

    “Now I’m A Warrior”

    I never particularly liked Demi Lovato.  It’s not that I hated her or anything, I just didn’t understand the hype around her because I never listened much to her story.  But after being exposed to her by my best friend from high school and my ex, I’ve grown to truly admire and respect her, and lately I’ve been listening to her music for inspiration and empowerment.

    As I’ve written before, I’ve been having a hard time adjusting to college life.  Things are getting better for the most part but there are still moments when I’m just like “I don’t belong here,” “What am I doing?,” “Why can’t things be like they used to be?,” and “I want to go home.”