• Speaking My Mind

    Breathless

    It’s almost the end of January…how has everyone’s 2020 been going?

    Thus far, 2020 has completely taken my breath away!

    But seriously, I haven’t been able to breathe. I have two inhalers for asthma that has developed as a result of a bacterial infection in my sinuses.

    My sinuses and lungs have been an issue for a month now. It began with bronchitis, then a false diagnosis of strep throat, a visit to an allergist, and finally, an ear-nose-throat specialist. I’m currently back on antibiotics and I’m hoping that all of this inflammation will finally go away.

    My inability to breathe has been a very…enlightening experience. I don’t think I ever took breathing for granted, however, I am now even more grateful that I have an overall healthy respiratory system.

    These health issues have impacted my ability to go about my daily routine, such as working out and teaching yoga. Even talking and walking has been difficult because I’ve been gasping and coughing for oxygen. It’s also been extremely frustrating going to different doctors every week in the hopes that they can figure out what is going on with my body.

    Although I haven’t been able to practice the physical aspect of yoga lately, I’ve been revisiting the more philosophical part. As a yoga teacher, I’m reminded not only of the importance of breath but also the importance to pause. Literally. Because moving too fast and too much left me breathless. After the hustle and bustle of the holidays, pausing to rejuvenate is so important.

    One of the many benefits of pausing recently is that it has allowed me an opportunity to reflect. I’ve been reflecting on my accomplishments and I’ve been considering what I still want to do. I’ve also been researching how I can accomplish my desires.

    This is all to say…I’m ready to make some big changes this year. I don’t know how to go about all that I want to do, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to do all that I want to do…but I am eager to transition from how I want to feel in 2020, to actually making decisions that would get me there.

    The yoga class I took yesterday explored the “manifestation current” of the chakra system. For those of you that don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, the chakra system is the philosophy that there are energetic centers along our spines and each center is affiliated with different qualities. For example, the third-eye chakra (the space in between your eyebrows) correlates to intuition and visualization. Ideally, all the energetic centers should be balanced, however, most people’s chakras are not balanced all the time.

    The “manifestation current” of the chakra system can be applied to achieving a dream. This current begins at the crown of the head with a wish/idea/feeling, it travels down the spine, and at the root chakra, or at the base of the spine, the dream manifests. Obviously, there are many processes in between. The in-between is probably the most thrilling part of the whole journey!

    I began 2020 at the crown chakra- primarily focused on feelings I desire rather than specific, concrete goals. Being forced to pause because of my respiratory issues has allowed me to begin to visualize experiencing those feelings, so I moved down to the third-eye chakra. Without even realizing it, I’ve already traveled to the throat chakra because I’ve begun to vocalize what I’ve visualized with my parents and with my boyfriend to get their feedback and insight. I suppose I’m at the heart chakra now, which is the center of the chakra system. It also means I’m slowly approaching the part where I start taking action.

    I’m both excited and terrified of this part because I’m afraid to feel unstable. I’m afraid of what I don’t know. I’m afraid I will handle change as terribly as I did when I graduated college…I’m afraid that I will be too hard on myself and thus, get in my own way.

    At the end of the day though, I don’t want my fears to prevent me from pursuing what feels right to me so…I’m going to be trying some new things this year. Hopefully, I will soon be able to say that I’m breathless not from my respiratory issues, but from my excitement for all that I have been working toward.

    What has been leaving you breathless from excitement lately? Please let me know ūüôā

    xx Vic

     

     

  • Speaking My Mind

    2020

    I am scrapping New Year’s Resolutions this year! This is not because I don’t have any goals; I absolutely do have aspirations. Some of them include items from last year’s Resolutions, and I have new goals as well.

    Instead of creating a checklist of things to accomplish in 2020, I want to focus on how I want to feel. There are two reasons for this new approach:

    1. I cannot fathom all that I will want to accomplish in 2020, and I don’t want to limit myself to only what I am able to dream up right now.
    2. In 2019, I’ve been playing with “feeling good” to attract my desires, and I want to continue to grow this practice. The two biggest successful outcomes of this practice are obtaining my full-time job and meeting my partner.

    Prior to these two particular experiences, I suffered through months of grief, depression, worry, and doubt. I don’t expect to never struggle or to never experience negative emotions, however, I do expect myself to have more confidence, love, and compassion for myself, especially when life is difficult. I also expect myself to be more optimistic and positive about my future rather than allowing worry¬†and¬†stress consume me.

    I found this lovely quote that captures how I want to feel in 2020 rather well:

    “We’re asking you to trust in the Well-being. In optimism there is magic. In pessimism there is nothing. On positive expectation, there is thrill and success. In pessimism or awareness of what is not wanted, there is nothing…

    We do not ask you to see something that is not and pretend that it is. What we ask you to do is practice moving your gaze. Practice changing your perspective. Practice talking to different people. Practie going to new places.

    We want you to feel familiar in your joy. Familiar in your positive expectation, familiar in your knowing that all is well, because the Universe will knock itself out giving you evidence of that Well-being once you find that place…

    There is great love here for you. We are complete.”

    -Abraham Hicks – 12/22/2019

    So, below I listed areas of my life that I want to envision how I want to feel about them in 2020 and beyond. If you want to try this approach for the new decade with me, please consider how you want to feel about these areas, and share them with me in the comments below:

    How do I want to feel in my career?

    I want to be mentally stimulated in my career. I am open to changing career-paths, as long as I continue to feel thrilled by my work. I want to look forward to going to work, I want to enjoy the work I do, and I want to enjoy the company of my colleagues and supervisors. I want to be acknowledged for my hard work. I want more responsibility because I want to grow in my career. I want a raise so I can have more money for retirement, for living expenses, for savings, and to share with others.

    In regards to my Yoga career, I want to feel as though I have an abundance of knowledge to share with my students. I want to feel confident in my knowledge and I want to fearlessly share my wisdom. I want my devotedness to my Yoga practice be reflected in my teachings. I want to be connected with my students. I want to feel aligned and energized while teaching. I want to feel fulfilled after instructing.

    How do I want to continue to feel in my relationship with my partner?

    I want to be loved, cherished, respected, and considered. I want to be a team with my partner. I want to feel secure and stable while continuing to be surprised and excited. I want to trust my partner and in the relationship. I want to feel confident about the connection that we have. I want to feel supported in my aspirations and I want to make him feel that way too. I want to grow and expand together.

    How do I want to feel in my relationship with my family and friends?

    I want to feel like I can communicate openly and honestly with my family and friends. I want to be comfortable and unapologetic being true to myself. I want to feel safe being vulnerable with my friends and family. I want to feel connected with the people in my life.

    How do I want to feel about myself?

    I want to trust my choices and find freedom in them. I don’t want to be attached. I want to be healthy and strong. I want to be compassionate and loving toward myself. I want to feel relaxed, stable, supported, self-sufficient, and secure in my own being. I want to be connected to my inner wisdom and harmonious with my intuition. I want to be imaginative and intentional. I want to be selfless, spiritual, devoted, and disciplined. Lastly, I want to find more stillness and I want to create more space for myself.

    How do I want to feel overall in 2020?

    I want to flow with complete ease. I want to radiate joy in everything that I do. I want to relax and allow. I want to remain open to change and possibilities. I want to overcome hardships and navigate difficult emotions with love. I want to feel powerful and find bliss in my trust in the Universe.

    See you all in 2020.

    xx Victoria

     

     

     

     

  • Speaking My Mind

    Harmony

    My life has been flowing pretty well.

    Seven months in, and I still enjoy my full-time job. I am continuing to learn so much there and I feel like I’ve made some valuable contributions. Additionally, I have a thriving part-time yoga-teaching job. I’m currently teaching two classes a week, but in 2020, I will be teaching three! Career stuff aside- I’ve accomplished a few of the goals I made for myself for 2019¬†and I’ve been upgraded from my dad’s old car from 2011 to my mom’s car, circa 2016.

    Essentially, I am living the life that I couldn’t even fathom as a possibility last year,¬†however, I have been a bit depressed. I’ve been excessively critical of myself for being stuck in a routine, for not socializing enough, for not traveling, for not being adventurous, for not learning from my past mistakes, and for being unhappy when I have¬†so much¬†to be grateful for.

    Can anyone relate to this??

    I did an oracle reading the other day to help me refocus, and the card I pulled for my “obstacle to overcome” was “Harmony.” This caused me to wonder¬†what exactly do I believe I need to be in harmony?¬†

    A year ago, I believed I needed a full-time job to feel at peace. I wanted to have somewhere to go every day, a place where I could make an impact. I wanted purpose and I wanted to begin my professional career. I also wanted to teach yoga so I could my passion for it.

    I have acquired both of those things, so now what? 

    Interestingly, one of the things I wanted last year but I feel at peace with now is graduate school. I am not anxious about going to graduate school. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to pursue higher education at some point, but I know that that “point” is not now.¬†Based on my experience with flowing, I am confident that I will know when I am supposed to go back and I will also know what I want to study. So the lack of graduate school plans isn’t causing my current dissatisfaction.

    I suspect that my unhappiness and mild depression are primarily due to my feelings of nostalgia. It seems that when the temperature cools down in autumn, I begin to reminisce and romanticize the past. A year ago I was romanticizing my childhood, which was pretty wonderful, but at the end of the day, I was focusing on the past because I was lonely in the present. My childhood friends had all moved away and thus, I reminisced about them.

    Currently, I’ve been reminiscing about the hellish campaign job I had last year as well as my last relationship. I think the reason I’ve been nostalgic about my campaign job is that I miss some aspects of that job that I don’t have in my current position. For example, I miss the social nature of that job, although, at the time, I hated that the socializing was often late at night. In regards to my last relationship, I miss having someone to talk to daily. This is largely why I’ve been keeping myself busy with online dating.

    How can I find harmony with where I’m at right now?¬†

    The cards suggested I use guidance from higher powers, whether that be figures of authority and/or spiritual figures, to support me. I think I need to practice what I teach in my yoga classes: being present.

    Aside from practicing presence to achieve harmony, I have been writing quite a bit, I just haven’t been sharing my work. It’s been frustrating to spend hours or days on something and then have the work not feel…true to myself anymore. Maybe those feelings will change but if not, I’ll be working on new content. ūüôā

    Have a great week, everyone!

    xx Vic

     

     

     

  • Speaking My Mind

    6 Months From Now

    Dear me,

    In the midst of uncertainty, I will make it through. I embrace uncertainty and I enjoy every moment of the journey. I trust my intuition’s guidance and I release fear.

    Six months from now, I will have attracted more abundance in my career. I will have been at my current job for a year and I will get a raise. My role will change as well because I’ll be given more responsibilities. I will be recognized for all of my hard work and I will reap the benefits of my work.

    Six months from now, I will have learned more as a yoga student and I will have brought those lessons into my classes, as a yoga teacher. I will have continued to grow and challenge myself to become a better teacher for my students. I will have evolved spiritually, and I will have become more connected with my intuition.

    Six months from now, all of my relationships will be positive. I will be demanding from others the respect I deserve, even if it’s uncomfortable to do so. The people that enter and stay in my life will be people that add value and love to my life. I am deserving of relationships that support me, are peaceful, and mutual.

    Six months from now, I will remember how I found the love I was initially seeking from others, within myself. I will reminisce about all of the love I‚Äôve shown myself. I will delightfully recall the dates I’ve taken myself on, the gifts I’ve purchased just because they bring me joy, and most importantly, the kindness and compassion that I’ve overwhelmed my being with.

    Six months from now, I will recall all the ways in which I’ve nurtured self-love. That self-love will become part of who I am.

    Yours forever,

    Victoria

  • Speaking My Mind

    Reflecting on My 2019 Goals

    Now that it’s May (how is it May already?!), I would like to take a moment to reflect on my goals for 2019. Below is where I am at in my 2019 aspirational list.

    Top 10 Goals for 2019

    1. Allot weekly yoga studying time – I was doing this…then I stopped. I am going to be doing some yoga workshops though.

    2. Establish a consistent meditation practice, at least weekly – Always a work in progress. However, my boss has introduced me to a local Buddhist meditation center that I now visit.

    3. Plan and execute a chakra yoga class series for the spring – May not happen until the fall?

    4. Research and book a yoga workshop/training for late 2019/2020 – This is happening!

    5. Confidently making decisions! (Such as for grad school) – I have been actively working on trusting my inner voice.

    6. Integrate cardio at least weekly into my routine – Thanks to my yoga job, I have definitely been integrating cardio via a cycling class. I love the community and I love cycling!

    7. Work daily on a long-term writing project – I’ve been in a rut lately so writing has taken a back burner unfortunately.

    8. Continue to maintain this blog and begin planning how to expand it – I am maintaining this space but I’m not expanding it…I don’t think expanding it is my goal. I just want to be creative more frequently.

    9. Complete the rest of the half-read books that I have. – I have finished several half-read books, such as Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice. I had an affinity for older literature for a few months ago.

    10. Create a ritual for my ancestors – This still needs to happen

    What I’d like to focus on at least until the Summer Solstice is creative writing. I’ve been reading so many books lately and I’ve been inspired by all of them, but I haven’t been taking the next step, which is to use my inspiration! I think I just need to find a better balance between reading and writing.

    I feel that way with yoga too. I spend most days practicing asanas, but I need to integrate more studying of Yoga philosophy. Initially, I thought I needed to improve my sequencing to become a better teacher, but currently I think I need to explore spirituality.

    Now I invite you to take this opportunity between the Spring Equinox and the Summer Solstice to realign and refocus. Are you on the track to achieving any goals? Have you neglected some goals? Have your desires for 2019 changed?

    Let me know in the comments below!

    Xx Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    How to Bounce Back from a Breakup

    When I was eighteen, everything familiar and comforting in my life had been blown away by the winds of change. I had gone away to college and thus suffered from homesickness, had to create a new life in a strange place, lost touch with many of my hometown friends, and I went through a difficult breakup. I wrote all about these things using a free version of this blog.

    Five years later, with a college degree and more life experience under my belt, I have found myself in a similar predicament, yet simultaneously different. I am back under my parents’ roof and thus desiring more independence, I have to create a new life in a familiar place, my friends are either working full-time or are no longer nearby, and I am going through a difficult breakup. Oh, and I seem to forever be in need of a permanent full-time job. I write about all of these things using this blog, which I now own.

    How has everything in my life changed while all remaining the same?

    All the heartbreaks I endured in high school led me to the discovery of an effective method to instigate change and growth to support the flourishing of myself as an individual. The method is to create a to-do list, and then tackle it! It’s simple, yet super effective and rewarding. You can see¬†my previous breakup-recovery to-do lists here, here, and here.

    How to Bounce Back from a Breakup

    1. Keep applying for jobs. I know, this is probably the most eye-roll-inducing item on the list considering “applying to jobs” is all that I’ve done since May. I will land a job soon though, I’m positive of it.
    2. Clean my room and the spare room, which is essentially a disastrous extension of my room because it’s filled primarily with my own belongings. I don’t need that much shit! If most of it was thrown out, I wouldn’t even notice. Plus, by organizing my space, I am more prepared to move out.
    3. Get a haircut and paint my nails. Sure, they’re not necessarily transformative tasks, but I am well overdue for a haircut and painting my nails would make me feel fancy, which is important. I want to feel good about myself.
    4. Plan a weekend trip, then actually follow-through on it. It’ll be something to look forward to, which I definitely need.
    5. Lean on the friends that I have during this time of healing.
    6. When I get a job, fearlessly put myself out there, both professionally and casually. Perhaps I can make some new friends through work.
    7. Finish reading¬†Don Quixote¬†because I’ve been meaning to finish it for over a year, plus it’s hilarious, which I definitely need in my life right now.
    8. Resume reading my chakra book so I can begin to create chakra yoga classes. That will be a fulfilling project to work on and to share with my students.
    9. Do guided meditations for a few weeks to establish the habit of meditating. Meditation is medicine.
    10. Find something weekly to get excited about and to look forward to. This can be something as simple as treating myself to a nice meal or trying a new class at the gym.
    11. Free-write daily to alleviate my burdensome thoughts. Express myself and my creativity!
    12. Until I get a job, find ways to engage with people. This can be by making small talk with someone while I wait in line at the register or by offering someone I pass a compliment.

    This list was a little harder to make now that I’m no longer on a college campus where there are more opportunities for social interactions and activities. I did the best that I can though and these challenges will help me cope. I’ll update you all on this list in a few weeks.

    What is on your to-do list to enhance your life?

    xx Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    2019

    Hello, everyone and welcome back to my blog!

    I unintentionally took a longer-than-expected break from posting on my blog. In fact, I hadn’t planned to take a break at all, but due to the excessive pressure I was putting on myself to write as well as all of the craziness that is inherent to the holiday season, I went on a break. I’m glad I am returning now that I naturally feel inspired to write.

    During my time away from my blog, I took the GRE, celebrated a stressful version of Christmas, became absorbed by a romance novel series, and relaxed with my friends and my girlfriend. I’m quite relieved that the holiday season is wrapping up and I’m eager to embark on a new year!

    Anyway, I wanted to write a bit about my goals for 2019. Before I share them though, you can check out my post about my goals from 2018! Below are additional goals I had for 2018 that were written in a private journal.

    1. Save money
    2. Invest in myself: blog
    3. Challenge myself: perform
    4. Be creative: crochet and write
    5. Get published!
    6. Apply for PhD
    7. YTT + teach! (500hrs in 5 years?)

    I’m proud to have accomplished many of my goals for 2018 such as graduating from college, writing a killer thesis, investing in myself, challenging myself, and exploring my creativity more.

    There are a few aspirations from 2018 that I’m still working on though, such as getting a job and applying to grad school. Additionally, some of the items on that list are long-term goals, such as getting published and completing 500 hours of yoga teacher training.

    This year, for 2019, I have decided to approach my list differently: I have created resolutions that are short-term oriented, so I can actually accomplish them all in one year. These aspirations break down my longer-term goals into smaller, feasible tasks that ultimately serve as the foundation for the long-term goals I had created in 2017.

    Top 10 Goals for 2019

    1. Allot weekly yoga studying time
    2. Establish a consistent meditation practice, at least weekly
    3. Plan and execute a chakra yoga class series for the spring
    4. Research and book a yoga workshop/training for late 2019/2020
    5. Confidently making decisions! (Such as for grad school)
    6. Integrate cardio at least weekly into my routine
    7. Work daily on a long-term writing project
    8. Continue to maintain this blog and begin planning how to expand it
    9. Complete the rest of the half-read books that I have.
    10. Create a ritual for my ancestors

    I’ll definitely be keeping you all updated on my 2019 endeavors. I’m feeling quite optimistic about them.

    What are your aspirations for 2019? Please share them below!

    Xx Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    If I Wasn’t Afraid, I Would…

    • Move out of state
    • Take a trip
    • Choose a grad school program
    • Apply to a grad school¬† program
    • Light a match
    • Drive on the highway
    • Chant more
    • Be confident
    • Be positive
    • Introduce more “yogic” things to my yoga class
    • Write a book
    • Develop my own business
    • Make malas
    • Reconnect with mentors
    • Pursue my passions, even if I’m uncertain where they will lead

    What does your list look like?

    xx Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    Pumpkin Spice, Everything (Will Be) Nice

    These last few days have been emotionally tumultuous for me, so I’ve been recharging in Starbucks sipping on iced pumpkin spiced lattes. They’re a delicious treat and I feel a bit better after consuming them. It’s also nice to be out of my house considering I did not leave my house at all in the last two days…which is probably not healthy but I don’t really have anywhere to go these days. Not leaving my house is definitely one of the many reasons I feel emotionally out of balance as a Vata person.

    In Ayuverda, which is the sister science to Yoga, I am predominantly a Vata person. I can explain this more in a different post, or you can look it up…but to explain briefly: Ayuverda is a method of characterizing everything in the universe, and there are three Doshas that can be used to describe¬†it all in a very detailed manner. Everything has all three Doshas, but sometimes one is more prominent. Vata is only one of the Doshas, and in regards to how this Dosha appears in people, it includes being tall and slim, physically cold, creative, and idealistic. Some of the things that imbalance a Vata person are a lack of schedule, stress, and instability. I have been experiencing all three.

    While I have stability in the sense that I have a roof over my head, clean water, and food, everything else in my life feels unstable. It’s the dance that all twenty-somethings that graduate from college have to do, and I feel like if someone were to rate my performance thus far, it’d be a lackluster rating.

    The lack of a schedule, while everyone else is busy with school and/or work, is really getting to me now that my sister went back to school. For the first time since I was born, I’m living at home with only my parents around. It’s kind of weird honestly…so I’ve been spending a lot of time in my room.

    There have been perks with that though because I’ve finally been making progress with my room. My mom bought me some new furniture to store items in and my room feels so much more peaceful. I have to tidy up my floor now and then do some more minor organizing, but I plan to get the biggest stuff finished this week. I will share pictures soon.

    Aside from cleaning my room, I’ve also been reading daily before I go to sleep instead of wasting time on social media. I have finished three books I had half-read: The Period Repair Manual by Lara Briden, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, and The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. I plan to finish¬†Don Quixote next, although it may take more time considering how¬†large the book is.

    The only tasks on my schedule lately are job interviews, which is super stressful. All of my interviews have been phone interviews so I don’t have to go anywhere and I also haven’t been getting dressed for the day because I spend so much of my time at home. My interviews seem to be going well for the most part. I did have a terrible¬†interview experience though…perhaps I’ll talk more about that in a different post.

    I know I have said this before, but maybe it really is time to look for part-time work? At this point, based off of my interviews, I won’t be working until October 1st at the earliest, but that’s assuming I get second-interviews and then a job offer before then. If that doesn’t happen, I may end up not working until December, January, or even later. Ideally, I’d like my part-time work to be yoga related…but considering how volatile my self-esteem is these days, it’s¬†so hard to put myself out there face-to-face with someone. My girlfriend recommended I put teaching yoga on the back-burner for now because when the time is right for me to teach, I will be able to teach. I do have a yoga audition today though…but yeah maybe I’ll hold off on it for a while.

    It feels like I’m just “holding off” on everything. I’m postponing taking the GRE, applying to grad schools, and thus, attending grad school. I am also postponing getting a yoga job and it seems like the universe has decided for me that I am postponing working full-time for at least another month.

    People don’t talk truthfully enough about the frustration, depression, and self-doubt that comes with graduating from college and then trying to get a job. I feel like people only talk about those feelings in hindsight once they get a job, so their perspective on the situation is different at that point. They see their challenges through rose-colored glasses because they had overcome the job-hunting challenge.

    Well let me be honest: post-grad life is grueling.

    College is super stressful, but this is a¬†whole¬†different type of stress because you will be on your own and you will be trying to be an “adult.” Plus you will get asked by everyone you interact with the dreaded “so what are you doing now that you graduated?” and as the months go by and if you still don’t have an answer, you will seem and you will feel more pathetic.¬†All you will do is worry because you¬†won’t want to dread that question, you¬†will¬†want to answer it and you will¬†want to be excited about your answer, but you will have¬†no idea what/when/how you will have the answer.

    Every job application you send out will feel desperate and you will just hope that the employers can’t tell. You will feign enthusiasm in every interview you manage to get, but the second you leave you will be overcome with negativity and self-doubt. Every rejection you get will feel personal, because it kind of is, and you will doubt¬†every decision you’ve ever made in college ie maybe you should have studied something else, maybe you’re not an ideal candidate for any job because of XYZ.

    It will feel like everyone is judging you, especially your parents/guardians, especially if you live with them because everyone¬†is judging you. “Judging” is essentially what employers do. No one will judge you as much as you judge yourself though.

    Right now, on the mental and emotional spectrum of Esther Greenwood in The Bell Jar (clinically depressed) to Don Quixote from Don Quixote (unaware of his senselessness but unwaveringly believes in himself, disregarding the ridicule from anyone else), I feel closer to Esther Greenwood. I would love to be more like Don Quixote.

    Hence why I got dressed for once to be seen in public, went to Starbucks, and got an iced pumpkin spice latte.

    Pumpkin spice, everything will hopefully be nice eventually.

    xx Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    Who Am I?

    My sister and my girlfriend are going back to school this week, and for the first time in about seventeen years, I am not doing the same.

    Since I am no longer a formal student at an American institution, I’ve been reflecting a lot on who I am.

    Who am I without school?

    I’m still determining how to answer this question, but I started by creating a more detailed “about me” page. It was fun to do and while it’s not comprehensive by any means, I think it was a good place to start.

    Additionally, in the last week or so, I’ve been doing some things that I’ve put off because I was busy in school. For example, I’ve finished two books recently. I’m working on finishing two more before reading or buying a new one.

    The biggest way I’ve attempted to answer my question is by deciding not to rush grad school. It was a little scary to come to this decision because I find school comforting in the sense that I know what goal I have to achieve: to graduate. The means are provided as well such as you have to take classes and study. Without school, my goal is more focused on becoming self-sufficient… I need a job to do that but the types of jobs I can have are innumerable! To me, this goal is quite a bit more overwhelming.

    I want to tackle this goal, thus, I won’t be applying for grad school until next fall at the earliest.

    Delaying grad school would also allow my work experiences and whatever else I experience to influence which grad program I will eventually pursue. I still plan to take the GREs this year but instead of taking them in November, I will take them in December or January.

    In regards to jobs…I’ve had a ton of first interviews but it’s been slow to hear back about second interviews. I’m going to follow up with some places this week to see where I am at as a prospective employee. I will also begin to apply for part-time jobs so I don’t deplete my savings waiting for a full-time job.

    Some part-time job opportunities include teaching yoga. I’ve been postponing looking for yoga jobs in person lately but I’ll have to resume it. I just created a class about creativity because it’s something I’ve been struggling with lately, and I’m super excited to teach it! I have to fine-tune some things still, but it feels good on my body and I think it’d feel good to others too.

    I’ve been struggling with my creativity because I haven’t been using it to its full-extent these days. This is definitely partially attributed to school, which is one reason not being a student will be good for me because unless you allot time for creativity, school really hinders it. I was fortunate to have time to take two creative writing courses last year, but it has been difficult to maintain the drive to be creative because I was thrust from the cocoon of being a student to suddenly being a graduate who needs a job and wants to go to grad school and needs to study and…I was putting way too much on my plate.

    Once I decided to postpone grad school another year, I allowed myself the time to breathe and to allow my creative mind to flow. In fact, I’ve been dreaming a lot at night these days, which I think is a good sign. One thing I need to work on though is disconnecting from the internet before and after bed, because that definitely stifles creativity. Instead I want to reintegrate meditation for at least 10 minutes everyday. My goal is to then create something every three days.

    There are some other things I want to talk about and share, but perhaps that’ll be for a different time.

    xx Vic

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