I miss her body
Tightly entangled in mine
When we rest in bed
©️ 2018 Vic Romero
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Graduation is in less than two weeks, and my life has been a little hectic in an exciting way. This past weekend I spent my days drinking and snacking at alumni events and other University gatherings with my friends and my girlfriend, hence why I did not get to make a Sunday post this Sunday. I was recovering from all the fun.
I’ve been enjoying my last days as an undergraduate though because I’ve been celebrating with people that I care about and I also have more exciting activities planned up until graduation (I have three commencements to attend), and even after. Thus, my regular blogging schedule may continue to be a little erratic until late May or the beginning of June.
Since I didn’t get to post on Sunday because of the senioritis excitement, I will at least detail the festivities I participated in.
My girlfriend and I went on a spontaneous date! We greatly enjoy BYOB sushi places, which is what we did at a local place. The drug store near us surprisingly had alcohol (this is a novelty experience in NJ where only liquor stores carry alcohol), and we got a wine that was less than $5! Neither of us had ever found and purchased a wine that cheap (except maybe when I was in Europe) it wasn’t bad wine at all. It easily could have been at least a $10 wine.
Anyway, it was great because we at sushi and got drunk on cheap wine. Then when we were leaving, we heard live music at a bar and so we popped in. It was a male guitarist who had a great voice. We got Moscow mules, which is my favorite mixed drink at the moment, and had a great time listening to the musician at a pretty hipster place.
We’ve been to that bar before because it’s also a liquor store, and last time we did BYOB sushi locally, we got a $25 bottle of wine there. That was the most I’ve spent on wine, but it was well worth it. That bottle was from Spain and it was simply divine.
You shift in your sleep, your knee moving to rest against my thigh. I stiffen as you exhale and tuck your head beneath the crook of my neck. I tentatively inhale, your hair tickling my nose. I’m enveloped in your scent as I lie here, awake in your bed. Acoustic rock had lulled us to sleep, and later, had woken us up. You must’ve turned it off at some point.
I want to roll over, but I’m afraid to move. More than that, I’m afraid you’ll move away. I would prefer to remain close to you, but I’m still unsure if that’s where you want me to be. I’m also unsure if I would be crossing a boundary if I got closer.
You roll over, turning away from my neck. I roll over to face the wall. Your leg, however, finds mine again.
© 2016 Vic Romero
Since the fallout with my friend, I’ve been waiting to feel crappy about it, but I haven’t. Granted, I was very upset for about a week and I had nightmares, but that was it. I think about her once in awhile, mostly when I’m drinking, but that will diminish over time.
Perhaps I haven’t been so devasted because I subconsciously saw it coming. We hadn’t talked much in last few months, the love I had for her was too intense to last, and/or the conflict of interest there was due to her relationship with her best friend…but at the same time, I didn’t think these things would result in the finiteness of our friendship. I believed that if anything, we just wouldn’t be as close, which was okay with me. Instead, however, we don’t talk at all. She hasn’t reached out to me nor has she responded to my texts, even the ones where I was clearly upset. It’s reminiscent of how my ex iced me out over two years ago now.
It may also be because I’ve been busy with school, my other friends, and that I have other more pressing concerns.
I’ll be your…
Pillow with a heartbeat
Love of your life
If you’ll be my…
Little baby pup
Love of my life
I pressed my nose into the crook of her neck
With her lilac scent, I was obsessed
Tasting her skin…
Goddam, she tasted like sin
The fact that we were in public was an afterthought
She was just so pretty,
She made me dizzy,
We were laughing as if everything was silly,
I molded my body to hers as if I was chilly,
Her purple hair skimmed her shoulders
Her dark, heavy makeup made her look older
Her leather leggings hugged her sculpted legs
She was the kinda girl that made you beg
Her skin was just so soft,
My body felt so hot,
We were kissing carnavorously,
I refrained from yelling out when she bit me hard,
Her purple hair stuck to her sweaty forehead
All my drunken brain could conjure up was getting her into bed
I didn’t want to stop dancing yet
But I wanted to spend the night with her before our lives reset
In the morning.
© 2013 Vic Romero
*image is not mine
Things have been crazy lately. There has been a lot of lectures from my parents as they struggle to understand and accept my “no-label” sexuality, tears, stress and anxiety, tension, and lack of sleep.
It’s funny how I thought my mom was going to take my sexuality well…she said I threw a bomb onto the house and she has been waking me up in the early mornings, hounding me with questions about my sexuality, giving me lectures about AIDS, expressing her distaste in my lack of religious beliefs and her disappointment in me, how she thinks I’ve been brainwashed…she has offended me many times.
Conversely, my dad, who also feels disappointed, is not acting that way toward me as much, and I thought he would be the parent that would take this news the hardest. He works a lot so he’s not around much…but when he is around things are generally okay with him.
However, I’m scared to be alone with my mom in fear that we’re going to get into an argument like we did yesterday. With my dad, I don’t think he’s randomly going to bring up my sexuality.
Anyway, things have been rough in my household lately. I’ve been fighting a lot and crying…I haven’t been this distressed with my parents since my sophomore year of high school. It’s kinda weird…I’ve been thinking about how and why we stopped fighting so much…it was because I stopped “rebelling” and started doing what they wanted me to do. Except the problem now isn’t with what I’m doing, it’s with who I am. Although they hated that I am dating Janice*.
A little after four pm on February 27th, she asked me to be her girlfriend.
Janice* had told me that she had something important to tell me on the Tuesday before. For a minute it had went through my mind that maybe she was going to ask me to be hers, but then I began to wonder if it had to do with work..maybe she got that promotion or was moving to a new store. Janice said it had nothing to do with work and that it was good news. She said she hoped I would be happy hearing it and that a few people know, except for her best friend and her sister doesn’t officially know either.
After two days of pestering her to just tell me already, I picked her up and went to Starbucks with her. Janice was really weird though, she was all nervous and wouldn’t look at me…we spent half the time in awkward silence, her refusing to make eye contact with me, and the other half of the time I was babbling.
We only could spend forty-five minutes together before she had to go back home for her grandma’s birthday, so as the time approached four pm, I was like: Janice, when are you going to tell me your secret? Is it bad?
And then she was all: No, I’m just really nervous to tell you.
I stood shivering outside as I waited for Heidi to answer.
Just when I thought that my fingers were going to snap off and when I thought that she wasn’t going to open the door, she did.
My heart fell to my stomach as I stared at her beautiful self. Her hair was pulled into a messy bun, and she had flour all over her apron and face.
“Oh, it’s you,” she muttered. “What do you want?”
Today has been too good of a day.
I didn’t have to see the girl I crush on at work. Although I worked alongside the girl that I am jealous of, it wasn’t a big deal. I was too busy working to socialize.
My boss, whom I’m not very fond of, gave me a lunch break. I usually never get a break during my Sunday shift. And he even paid for my meal. That rocked. He was being weirdly nice.
Then I left work when I was supposed to. That never happens. I got about seven bucks in tips. It was good.
When I got home I ate and watched an episode of The L Word. It’s really great. Kinda dark and serious…can’t watch that many episodes at once.
After that I watched three episodes of Gilmore Girls with my sister, and now I’m moping. While scrolling through my Dashboard. (That’s a Tumblr term…I’m a Tumblr girl now).