It’s almost the end of January…how has everyone’s 2020 been going?
Thus far, 2020 has completely taken my breath away!
But seriously, I haven’t been able to breathe. I have two inhalers for asthma that has developed as a result of a bacterial infection in my sinuses.
My sinuses and lungs have been an issue for a month now. It began with bronchitis, then a false diagnosis of strep throat, a visit to an allergist, and finally, an ear-nose-throat specialist. I’m currently back on antibiotics and I’m hoping that all of this inflammation will finally go away.
My inability to breathe has been a very…enlightening experience. I don’t think I ever took breathing for granted, however, I am now even more grateful that I have an overall healthy respiratory system.
These health issues have impacted my ability to go about my daily routine, such as working out and teaching yoga. Even talking and walking has been difficult because I’ve been gasping and coughing for oxygen. It’s also been extremely frustrating going to different doctors every week in the hopes that they can figure out what is going on with my body.
Although I haven’t been able to practice the physical aspect of yoga lately, I’ve been revisiting the more philosophical part. As a yoga teacher, I’m reminded not only of the importance of breath but also the importance to pause. Literally. Because moving too fast and too much left me breathless. After the hustle and bustle of the holidays, pausing to rejuvenate is so important.
One of the many benefits of pausing recently is that it has allowed me an opportunity to reflect. I’ve been reflecting on my accomplishments and I’ve been considering what I still want to do. I’ve also been researching how I can accomplish my desires.
This is all to say…I’m ready to make some big changes this year. I don’t know how to go about all that I want to do, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to do all that I want to do…but I am eager to transition from how I want to feel in 2020, to actually making decisions that would get me there.
The yoga class I took yesterday explored the “manifestation current” of the chakra system. For those of you that don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, the chakra system is the philosophy that there are energetic centers along our spines and each center is affiliated with different qualities. For example, the third-eye chakra (the space in between your eyebrows) correlates to intuition and visualization. Ideally, all the energetic centers should be balanced, however, most people’s chakras are not balanced all the time.
The “manifestation current” of the chakra system can be applied to achieving a dream. This current begins at the crown of the head with a wish/idea/feeling, it travels down the spine, and at the root chakra, or at the base of the spine, the dream manifests. Obviously, there are many processes in between. The in-between is probably the most thrilling part of the whole journey!
I began 2020 at the crown chakra- primarily focused on feelings I desire rather than specific, concrete goals. Being forced to pause because of my respiratory issues has allowed me to begin to visualize experiencing those feelings, so I moved down to the third-eye chakra. Without even realizing it, I’ve already traveled to the throat chakra because I’ve begun to vocalize what I’ve visualized with my parents and with my boyfriend to get their feedback and insight. I suppose I’m at the heart chakra now, which is the center of the chakra system. It also means I’m slowly approaching the part where I start taking action.
I’m both excited and terrified of this part because I’m afraid to feel unstable. I’m afraid of what I don’t know. I’m afraid I will handle change as terribly as I did when I graduated college…I’m afraid that I will be too hard on myself and thus, get in my own way.
At the end of the day though, I don’t want my fears to prevent me from pursuing what feels right to me so…I’m going to be trying some new things this year. Hopefully, I will soon be able to say that I’m breathless not from my respiratory issues, but from my excitement for all that I have been working toward.
What has been leaving you breathless from excitement lately? Please let me know 🙂
In the midst of uncertainty, I will make it through. I embrace uncertainty and I enjoy every moment of the journey. I trust my intuition’s guidance and I release fear.
Six months from now, I will have attracted more abundance in my career. I will have been at my current job for a year and I will get a raise. My role will change as well because I’ll be given more responsibilities. I will be recognized for all of my hard work and I will reap the benefits of my work.
Six months from now, I will have learned more as a yoga student and I will have brought those lessons into my classes, as a yoga teacher. I will have continued to grow and challenge myself to become a better teacher for my students. I will have evolved spiritually, and I will have become more connected with my intuition.
Six months from now, all of my relationships will be positive. I will be demanding from others the respect I deserve, even if it’s uncomfortable to do so. The people that enter and stay in my life will be people that add value and love to my life. I am deserving of relationships that support me, are peaceful, and mutual.
Six months from now, I will remember how I found the love I was initially seeking from others, within myself. I will reminisce about all of the love I’ve shown myself. I will delightfully recall the dates I’ve taken myself on, the gifts I’ve purchased just because they bring me joy, and most importantly, the kindness and compassion that I’ve overwhelmed my being with.
Six months from now, I will recall all the ways in which I’ve nurtured self-love. That self-love will become part of who I am.
For the first time in four years, I had an anxiety attack.
It completely caught me off-guard, despite the fact that I had been nervously calling my girlfriend, my sister, and my mom on the phone for an hour before it had happened. Also despite the fact that I’ve been practicing some negative daily habits for weeks as a result of a Vata-imbalance.
For me, that entails following my whims: I fall asleep whenever I want to (AKA never a reasonable hour), I sleep in late, I create ideas but I don’t bring them into reality, I stress-eat, I distract myself with interminable episodes New Girl (which is a great show), and I lack a routine for diet or otherwise.
Anyway, right before the anxiety attack, I was driving during one of the phone calls with my girlfriend, and my answers to her questions quickly became hysterical to the point where I couldn’t breathe and I had to pull over. It was horrible.
The last time this happened to me, I was preparing for midterms as a first semester, first-year student at a large University. I was also recuperating from an awful breakup, I was homesick, and I was just…learning how to flourish when everything was incredibly new and overwhelming.
I was afraid of failing my classes, nervous that I wouldn’t be able to make friends, and worried that I wouldn’t be able to succeed in college.
While my circumstances are completely different now– I’m a graduate of that University, I overcame homesickness, and I have an amazing relationship that is so much better than I could have imagined– I am now learning how to flourish as an adult. It’s incredibly new to me and it’s overwhelming.
I published a post recently about my fears, but they’re rather surface-level. My more deep-seated fears include being afraid of making a “wrong” decision, nervous to embark on something “too risky,” and worried that I can’t succeed in the real world.
All of these fears have ultimately culminated in the stunting of my growth. My fears have become my reality because I haven’t been challenging them…instead, I’ve been holding myself back to prevent myself from my perception of disaster. Then I’ve been blaming everyone else for holding me back.
After my anxiety attack, my sister pointed out that I have a difficult time making a decision because I have all these “ideas” but I hardly execute them. She also informed me that I doubt and second-guess myself consistently. How can I expect to move forward if my energy is so self-destructive?
Prior to the post about my fears, I wrote about manifesting and persistence. While they are extremely vital methods toward success, they are insufficient if the way I treat myself is negative. So, more importantly, how can I channel positive, confident, loving energy toward myself to raise my vibration and ultimately attract other high-vibe opportunities that would enable me to achieve my goals?
Well, this anxiety attack was a wake-up call that I’m not okay with holding myself back any longer. Now is the time to break this cycle and challenge my fears. Now is the time to take risks that may not always be successful, but that’s part of learning! Now is the time to try.
I wanted to take a little time today to reflect and make some goals for the remainder of August, especially since the eclipse and new moon has recently happened. I encourage you all to join me in reflecting and goal-setting too! You can answer the questions I raise on your own, but I’d also love if you share some of them in the comments below.
How do I want to feel until the next new moon?
I want to feel content.
I’ve been complaining a lot since there has been loud construction at my house which has disrupted my daily flow, but I want to learn how to deal with distractions like this. The reality is that life is full of distractions, so that’s where my meditation and yoga practice gets applied to my daily life. Meditation and yoga are tools, and two of the limbs of Yoga, turn into yourself completely to reach Samadhi, or bliss.
What do I need?
I need to continue moving toward my goals.
Those goals include getting a job, teaching yoga, making my room my sanctuary, and completing competitive grad school applications. I was making a lot of progress until the construction started because I have allowed the disruptions to disrupt my inner state of being. Whenever I start working, I will be more tired and I will have less time to work on other goals that I have, thus, I’d like to maintain sufficient energetic movement as much as possible for the next 30 days.
Intentions to repeat to manifest
- I am content where I am at.
- All distractions slip away.
- I can balance all of the goals that I want to achieve.
- I energetically move toward my goals.
I’m going to repeat these intentions during meditation, which I have completely fallen off of the wagon with. Ideally, I’d like to do it in the morning, when I wake up, but I spend most mornings on social media instead. I will try to replace social media with an intentional meditation instead though!
What are some of your intentions until the next new moon?