stupefied stares and angry glares are all the eye contact that is shared from exposing the truth in hopes to improve my relationships but instead the truth left a goddamn huge black and bruise and it only ignited the matches it didn’t diffuse i only want them to accept to approve but instead i’m perceived as taboo and i’m accused of feeling of doing things that i haven’t done why did i unleash my tongue i should’ve kept it behind my lips to avoid being shunned and shoved into the corner facing the wall like i’m a kid in trouble and what good does it do to put your daughter in a bubble and pretend it all doesn’t exist and to pretend that it’ll all go away by ignoring it that it’s as easy as forbidding it that it’s as easy as pie but it’s not we’re all living a lie
© 2014 Vic Romero
No one knows
My inner heart
Where my feelings are conflicted
They all say “you’re in the closet”
But I feel more like I’m imprisoned
Trapped inside myself
Dark, solitary confinement
In the dark
I can still hear
The disgusting jeers
Violence and hate are used to create
Humiliation and shame
And loveless preachers preach that hell is a queer person’s fate
Yet the outed walk hand in hand with their dates
Pride shines on each face
I long to be with them
But for now, I’m safe
I’m behind bars
In the dark
Where it’s quiet
Where I’m surpressed
Passion and lust for love
Are all safe from hate
I hate that I have to “come out”
Why can’t a girl loving another girl be a norm?
It’s just the way some girls are born…
But even after many years
Many people coming out
And being proud
It’s still not widely accepted
In some places, being queer is not even talked about
At least I now know
And I can admit it
I like girls
I like them a lot
But journal, you’re the only one that knows
You’re the only one that I can
And it sucks that in this jail
I am alone.
© 2013-2014 Vic Romero
<<wrote this on 14 December 2013 before I came out to a few people…although I have come out to the most important people in my life (excluding my parents), I still feel like I’m in the closet (especially because my parents don’t know) but at least now I have people (and an amazing girl) to connect to and talk about my sexuality with. Anyway, below is the quote that inspired me to write this poem. The quote below that one is a great reflection of how I feel about my sexuality nowadays. Thank you for reading 🙂 >>
“They got it wrong when they called it “the closet.” This was a prison. Solitary confinement. I was locked inside, inside myself, dark and afraid and alone. (Chapter. 23)”
― Julie Anne Peters, Keeping You a Secret
“The best thing about coming out is, it’s totally liberating. You feel like you’ve made this incredible discovery about yourself and you want to share it and be open and honest and not spend all your time wondering how is this person going to react, or should I be careful around this person, or what will the neighbors say? And it’s more. It’s about getting past the question of what’s wrong with me, to knowing there’s nothing wrong, that you were born this way. You’re a normal person and a beautiful person and you should be proud of who you are. You deserve to live with dignity and show people your pride.”
― Julie Anne Peters, Keeping You a Secret
Hello, everyone, hope you all are doing well and you have been having a good new year so far.
My new year has been pretty incredible. I came out to some of my friends and my sister, I found out that the girl that I have been crushing on likes me back (we’ve been talking nonstop for almost three weeks now, it’s been established that we like each other…) and…oh yeah! I went on a date with her! Yesterday, January 20, I had my first official date with anyone, and my first date with her…it was amazing. I’m still in shock that she likes me back, that she has liked me since I started working in July, that we went on a date and that she had a nice time and wants to see me again, that most of her friends know about me and her best friend wants to meet me…it’s all crazy exciting and overwhelming.
Anyway…I have intended to write everyday in 2014, but that didn’t happen once I started talking to her. I was too happy to write, or too…I just couldn’t write.
But I do want to catalog (mostly for me) all that happened between me and her for the past two weeks so…I transferred the texts I sent to my cousin about all my problems/concerns/events onto here because I don’t feel like typing it all again lol. The following texts are only my half of the textversation (texting conversation).
With the slamming of the door, it got really quiet. For a long while, I did nothing, I just sat in silence. My mind began to wrap around all the words that you had said. Tying them tightly together, I held the brutal gift of your words to my chest.
Yeah, that’s what you had said you were doing for me.
Because that’s what I deserve, undoubtedly.
But honestly your Honesty has only hurt me…
Sobs suddenly wracked through my body, shaking. My heart felt broken, it was truly aching. My chest, I was sure it was splitting. The gift, I began ripping. Tearing it open. Tearing at the sodden paper, wet with tears. The box of Honesty contained all my fears. Which you kindly pointed out as my weaknesses, as my flaws. My fears were going to be the cause of my fall…
Nothing seemed better actually, than to fall. Did I honestly think I could make it to the top of it all?
No, I can’t. I’m not good enough, I have too many fears.
I calmed down a bit, I was coming down from my emotional fit. But then I realized that you were the only one that gave a shit. About me, about who I was. Without you, I might as well be wearing camouflage.
And honestly your Honesty hurts
But I know you love me…and I’m glad to have you as my parent.
You are right, I need to be more confident.