• Speaking My Mind

    I Am A Badass

    I’m feeling…a little gloomy I guess. For the most part, I’m feeling positive but…there’s a twinge of sadness mixed in there too.

    I had an intense and difficult conversation with my girlfriend last night and now I’m thinking about how to…improve some things in my life. Right now, it’s not at the forefront of my mind because there are some awesome things that are happening before I would have to address the things that I spoke about with my girlfriend. For example, tomorrow I’m presenting my thesis at a state conference for Women’s and Gender Studies! So I’m more focused on that right now, but once that and a few other things are over, I’ll have to resume determining how to make things better.

    The things I’d like to improve are in regards to the relationship between my girlfriend and my family, which I’ve mentioned several times before. The relationship between them is not hostile, but it’s not exactly warm either…and we’ll be dating for a year in 11 days. Plus I’m moving home in about 30 days so things can’t stay as they are right now because if they do, my mental health will suffer. This is why I’m going to develop a plan with my therapist in about two weeks to help me navigate the tension in a manner that will ultimately serve my well-being.

  • Speaking My Mind

    Fuck Me Gently with a Chainsaw

    I need to work on my confidence. Since my senior year began, it has become more apparent that this is a quality I need to improve. I undermine my capabilities and knowledge, which incites others to do the same. It also leads to me having weak job candidacy and poor interviews.

    I feel like my job, which I love, has been contributing significantly to my mood lately cuz it’s been very stressful. We have a new staff and I feel like one new girl is undermining what I’m doing and I’ve been doing this for three years..but yeah it’s hard to rise above things. I feel like I haven’t had to do that in a professional setting before. It’s good practice cuz when it’s my career job, it’s more intense.

    But yeah…I’ve been feeling indigo and hard on myself. People have been weird with me too and it’s been affecting my productivity, which is intolerable. I don’t have that kind of time to waste, I’m very busy so I must write it out when things come up so I can release my feelings and move on with my day.

    After talking and venting to my girlfriend for a couple of hours yesterday, and then after calling my dad this morning, I feel better. I have support and good advice from people that care about me in my life.

  • Poetry

    roses smell when they rot

    slowly,

    slowly

    you fall in slow-motion:

    eyes wide

    as you realize you are falling

    and as your hand is ripped

    out of mine

    ruby lips agape

    i’m entranced by the shock

    that is spread across your face

    the shock that you feign

    because, c’mon-

    we both saw this coming

    but unlike you,

    i opted to cross

    the street and let you go

     

    your head smacks the ground

    splitting open like a juicy watermelon

    the fresh flesh gushing out of the cracks

    forming rivulets that crawl over the pavement

    like red highlights in your hair

     

    © 2017 Vic Romero

     

     

     

  • Speaking My Mind

    Absolutely Wonderful

    Have you ever learned something new about someone and then spend hours and hours reflecting on old memories and things they did or said that seemed weird to you just…make more sense?  Or now you have a greater understanding of who they truly are?

    The other day, my girlfriend opened up to me more about her past and…I’ve been reflecting on memories I have with her.  My opinion about her hasn’t changed but…I feel closer to her because I feel like I know her a little better than before.  And before I felt like I knew her pretty well so…it’s intense I guess.  Intense in a good way.

  • Speaking My Mind

    Not a Hollow Halloweekend

    Since the fallout with my friend, I’ve been waiting to feel crappy about it, but I haven’t.   Granted, I was very upset for about a week and I had nightmares, but that was it.  I think about her once in awhile, mostly when I’m drinking, but that will diminish over time.

    Perhaps I haven’t been so devasted because I subconsciously saw it coming.  We hadn’t talked much in last few months, the love I had for her was too intense to last, and/or the conflict of interest there was due to her relationship with her best friend…but at the same time, I didn’t think these things would result in the finiteness of our friendship.  I believed that if anything, we just wouldn’t be as close, which was okay with me.  Instead, however, we don’t talk at all.  She hasn’t reached out to me nor has she responded to my texts, even the ones where I was clearly upset.  It’s reminiscent of how my ex iced me out over two years ago now.

    It may also be because I’ve been busy with school, my other friends, and that I have other more pressing concerns.

  • Speaking My Mind,  unzipped lips

    Throwing Drunken Tantrums in the City Streets

    Every Friday night, I vow I will not hook up with him.

    I don’t want to hook up with him.  I never cum.  Because I don’t let him touch me. Because he doesn’t make me feel safe because he’s aggressive in a nonconsensual way.  I also don’t want to enjoy it.  Because then I will begin to actually like him.  And I can’t like him because he doesn’t like me.  And he’s too similar to my ex anyway.

    Regardless, once the weekend rolls around and I’ve had enough drinks, I am all over him.  And then I wake up naked and alone, feeling stupid.

  • Short Stories,  Speaking My Mind

    A Short Tale About A Tall Guy and the Shitty, Short “Relationship” I Had With Him (possibly to be continued)

    Told in the Form of Facebook Messages

    I met a guy I liked but he came on too strong so I told him I just wanted to be friends..we got drunk and then he convinced me we should kiss cuz people do it and ever since we’ve been hooking up

    All the affection from hooking up has caused me to like him again, along with getting to know him better like he’s a nice guy but now I’m just not sure

  • Short Stories,  Speaking My Mind

    Woo Me

    I ran into one of the friends that had said they were coming to my birthday bash but never showed up, at the dining hall.  She apologized..apparently her pre-party nap caused her to sleep through the whole party.  We ate breakfast together and chatted, it was really nice.

    I had met her at a party about a month ago because she was friends with a girl who was friends with my friend.  I liked her instantly and got her number, but I did not anticipate using it.  I didn’t think I was going to see her again and when I’m drunk, I tend to collect the phone numbers of people I talk to for at least a minute, and I don’t usually contact them again.

    But then I saw her again at another party and we talked the whole night.  She’s super attractive and has a sexy voice so when she informed me that she just had a nasty breakup with her boyfriend and that she’s bi, I wanted to be the one to make her forget all about him.

  • Speaking My Mind

    The Lituation

    My friend from work had a party at her house on Saturday night.  I got there super early at 7pm with my friend that I wrote about awhile ago…he was supposed to crash at my house a couple weeks back.

    Anyway, we got there early because my mom wouldn’t let me go to my university at 10pm, which was around the time the party started.  So while we waited for the party to start, I made some paper flowers, which were part of my homework.  I also helped the host make juice and add songs to the playlist.  Then I went with her on an alcohol run and she got me vodka.

    We started drinking the juice around 8:30pm while we chilled out.  It was nice just talking to her, her roommate, and my friend.  When people started to arrive, we moved the party into the basement to play pong and dance.

  • Speaking My Mind

    If You Need To Take A Shit, You Should Shit On Me

    The title of this blog post must be written on my forehead because every relationship I’ve been in lately has resulted in me getting shit on.

    • I try to be the best girlfriend I can be…and then I have my heart completely broken because I’m outrageously disrespected.
    • I try to be the best roommate I can be…well fuck me, I’m again outrageously disrespected in the same ways my ex treated me.
    • I try to be the best friend I can be….ha ha ha

    Now, you’re probably thinking that maybe I’m just an asshole and that’s why these new relationships have resulted in me getting shit on.  That’s a logical thought, but it’s so incredibly untrue.