The last couple weeks of the semester has caused me to feel glum due to stress over my academics as well as my social life. To sum it up: I am in the middle. The in-between. The grey area.
Every aspect of my life seems to fit that description. My sexuality and race/ethnicity, as noted in this post, my affiliated religion (I don’t identify as anything, I just don’t think about it), my majors (WGS and Economics)..I can’t seem to ever fall into one, absolute category. Perhaps it’s because I’m going and I’m still discovering myself and the world or perhaps it’s a false pretense that people can ever fall into one category. Regardless, this thought also applies to my friends.
I don’t have a clique or group of friends. Every time I think I do, I get proven wrong. It’s exhausting, hurtful, and lonely. I was complaining to my good friend, Steph, about it and she told me it was okay to be an outsider in the sense I don’t belong anywhere, I just have random friends here and there. She said I have years to figure out the friends I want to be making and who stays in my life too. She’s right but..I think the nature of college is extremely lonely without a group. Without a group, you tend to get left out and excluded. At least that’s been my experience. If I commuted, for example, I probably wouldn’t care at all about lacking a social circle.
Anyway..I’m writing because despite how much I feel like an outsider, a misfit, a loner, or whatever it may be, I’ve done some pretty badass things. Perhaps I wouldn’t have done them if I didn’t feel so alone.
Thursday’s Makeup (Cranberry Smokey Eye and a fancy new necklace)
This is the finished look. I was Magenta from Rocky Horror Picture Show and my friend from high school was Waldo.
Here’s my makeup (applied like a rainbow): Black eyeshadow by the lashline, gold eyeshadow in the middle, cranberry eyeshadow, black eyeshadow, and silver eyeshadow to highlight my brow-bone. I also wore fake eyelashes on both the top and bottom (so four pairs) and the Mac lipstick color “Sin” with “Burgundy” lip liner. “Sin” was part of Mac’s Rocky Horror Limited Edition Collection, but they sold out of the Rocky Horror packaging sadly.
My dad is crashing our Girls’ Weekend in Brooklyn today. Our Girl’s Weekend wasn’t really a weekend though…more like a day.
Anyway, yesterday was really nice. I blew almost half of my birthday cash on my fourth pair of Docs, a sweater, and a Rocky Horror Picture Show tshirt. I kinda hate that I spent so much money on two tops and shoes but I absolutely love Docs, I wear them all the time, and I had wanted this certain pair for forever. Also, I needed a new sweater. The Rocky shirt was just a bonus.
I had a huge breakfast yesterday and skipped lunch (stopped for some peppermint hot chocolate though), so by the time dinner rolled around I was blind with hunger. I’m pretty sure that’s a saying.
We had some pizza at this trendy, gourmet Italian pizza place. Our waiter was a tall glass of water (basically he was attractive), had a thick accent, and had trouble understanding what we were saying at times. He was sweet. The atmosphere was really nice too. Here’s a really dark picture of it.
I think it looks romantic and sexy. It was really nice. They played like reggae and jazz and just…chill music.
Anyway, the pizza was fabulous (although overpriced. The personal pie that I had, albeit large, was $19). The dough was thin but chewy, and the crust was thick and fluffy. It was some serious food science. I have never eaten a pizza like it before. I wish I had taken a picture of it.
Later, my sister and I watched a movie called ” Struck By Lightning”. It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t a comedy. Netflix said it was a comedy. Huge disappointment.
My dad should be here in a few minutes…actually he’s here now.