Enjoy me slowly,
There’s no need to rush
Undress my mind
Like you would my body
Savoring every moment-
Every spark in between us.
I don’t want to skip all the sweetness,
For the sake of temporary pleasure
If you are patient,
You will get to enjoy my center.
I’m not impressed by
The size of your erection,
How much you can lift,
The places you’ve traveled,
The things that you’ve seen,
The wild sex that you’ve had,
The competitions you’ve won,
The fitness of your body,
Or the motorcycle you ride.
I want to know about your family,
The heartbreaks and joys you’ve experienced
What activities make you feel the best
What books you read
What gets underneath your skin
What challenges you
What stimulates you…
How do you feel about yourself?
Do you enjoy where you’re at in your life?
What else do you want to experience?
I want you to want to know my answers to these questions too
Because I want to share the deepest parts of myself with you.
© 2019 Vic Romero
All Rights Reserved
My frequency has changed since I started dating again, and I’ve attracted what I wanted.
By “frequency,” I mean the magnetic energy I am putting out into the Universe based on how I feel every day. My frequency, affects the people, events, and circumstances I attract.
When I started dating, I was tired of grieving my last relationship, I was bored with the monotonous routine of working full-time, and I wanted to meet people. I was feeling rather desperate to switch my day-to-day up, so the people I was meeting were also desperate. They wanted to rush into intimacy and I didn’t connect with them very well.
I didn’t realize I was attracting the same type of people until I put myself into a reckless, dangerous situation. It was unfortunate that it even had to come to that, but it was that event that forced me to take several steps back and examine exactly how I was feeling.
I realized that I was seeking validation in the form of shallow flattery from strangers. I also realized that the reason I was texting six people at a time was because I focused on having someone to talk to every day, even if those people were creepy and even if we didn’t connect.
Since these desires were coming from feelings of lack (I will never find someone that treats me how I deserve to be treated), my frequency was low and thus, the people that came into my life were in my life were unsurprisingly not treating me well. The superficial connections I had with these people often led to rejections, which unfortunately hurt me quite a bit.
After my epiphany, I didn’t stop dating. Instead, I decided what I was ultimately looking for, if not immediately, in the future.
I want to find someone that I have a deep connection with intellectually, emotionally, and physically. I want to feel excited about that person and I want the chemistry to be really strong…kind of addictive. I want to be magnetically attracted to one another. I want to go on dates and spend quality time with someone. I want someone with emotional intelligence and I want someone who completely respects me. I want to feel safe with this person before I choose to be physically intimate with them. But physical intimacy is not important to me right now…I can find that with anyone. I can’t find a deeper connection as easily, but that’s what I want. I want more.
Once I decided what I wanted, I became more particular about the types of people I went out with, and I took better care of myself.
Aside from yoga and writing, my self-care routine has included referring to myself with endearments, wearing glamorous stick-on nails, creating a retirement savings account and prioritizing my finances, reading more, ensuring that I spend time with people who care about me, and discovering ways in which I can be enough for myself.
Learning to be enough for oneself is a long process, and it’s a continuous one because one’s needs change over time. It’s a process I’ve been committed to doing for years, however, sometimes I forget, or choose to forget, about prioritizing myself. Instead of beating myself up for my own neglect, I simply decided to choose myself again.
A recent example was after a few weekends of back-to-back dates, I was super burned out from constantly introducing myself to people. To remedy this, I opted to cancel the date I had planned with the lawyer in favor of spending quality time with my sister and most importantly, with myself. Considering my decision to prioritize myself, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the connection I have with the lawyer is so wonderful.
“When you are on a feeling frequency of love, then only people who are on the same feeling frequency as you are can come into your life.” -Rhonda Byrne, The Power (The Secret Book 2)
When I wrote my last blog post, I was primarily like ha ha, I am Charlotte York! and I did not consider my shift in frequency at all. Here I am now, however, unable to not notice it.
It wasn’t until a few days ago that I became aware that my frequency must’ve changed. What caused me to even notice it was that I was constantly asking my friends and myself how I’ve managed to meet a super lovely lawyer on a dating app. It still completely baffles me that he is in fact, a real person and that he is also super into me.
I’ve only been going out with this guy for about a month…so everything is still exciting, new, happy, etc, but we have a surprisingly good connection. We are never short on conversation, which is why we’re constantly texting and why we stay up well past our bedtimes every night on the phone. We enjoy spending time together so much that we planned dates a month from now.
In addition to our natural chemistry, he treats me exactly how I want to be treated. He’s respectful of my boundaries, he’s patient, understanding, gentlemanly, and generous. He’s honest and he communicates extremely well. He’s been clear about his intentions with me and he trusts me enough to have confided in me a little bit. He doesn’t play games and he makes me feel wanted. Most importantly, we’re both having a ton of fun getting to know each other.
So…I’m unsure where this unexpected development is going, but I’m going to relax and allow it all to happen. So far, I’ve primarily been overthinking everything because he seems way too good to be true, but…he is true, at least so far. Besides, even if it all goes to shit, I’d like to take the risk.
While dating and romance is an enthralling development, I’d love there to be growth in the career/higher-education aspect of my life. I’ve been reading a new-age philosophy book lately, and this particular quote resonated with me:
“Even if you don’t know what you want to do in your life, all you have to do is give love through good feelings, and you will magnetize everything you love to yourself. Your feelings of love will lead you to your purpose. Your dream job is on the frequency of love and to receive it, you just have to get yourself there.” -Rhonda Byrne, The Power (The Secret Book 2)
There is so much growth and potential in multiple areas of my life. We’ll see what else is in store for me.
In the midst of uncertainty, I will make it through. I embrace uncertainty and I enjoy every moment of the journey. I trust my intuition’s guidance and I release fear.
Six months from now, I will have attracted more abundance in my career. I will have been at my current job for a year and I will get a raise. My role will change as well because I’ll be given more responsibilities. I will be recognized for all of my hard work and I will reap the benefits of my work.
Six months from now, I will have learned more as a yoga student and I will have brought those lessons into my classes, as a yoga teacher. I will have continued to grow and challenge myself to become a better teacher for my students. I will have evolved spiritually, and I will have become more connected with my intuition.
Six months from now, all of my relationships will be positive. I will be demanding from others the respect I deserve, even if it’s uncomfortable to do so. The people that enter and stay in my life will be people that add value and love to my life. I am deserving of relationships that support me, are peaceful, and mutual.
Six months from now, I will remember how I found the love I was initially seeking from others, within myself. I will reminisce about all of the love I’ve shown myself. I will delightfully recall the dates I’ve taken myself on, the gifts I’ve purchased just because they bring me joy, and most importantly, the kindness and compassion that I’ve overwhelmed my being with.
Six months from now, I will recall all the ways in which I’ve nurtured self-love. That self-love will become part of who I am.
For the first time in four years, I had an anxiety attack.
It completely caught me off-guard, despite the fact that I had been nervously calling my girlfriend, my sister, and my mom on the phone for an hour before it had happened. Also despite the fact that I’ve been practicing some negative daily habits for weeks as a result of a Vata-imbalance.
For me, that entails following my whims: I fall asleep whenever I want to (AKA never a reasonable hour), I sleep in late, I create ideas but I don’t bring them into reality, I stress-eat, I distract myself with interminable episodes New Girl (which is a great show), and I lack a routine for diet or otherwise.
Anyway, right before the anxiety attack, I was driving during one of the phone calls with my girlfriend, and my answers to her questions quickly became hysterical to the point where I couldn’t breathe and I had to pull over. It was horrible.
The last time this happened to me, I was preparing for midterms as a first semester, first-year student at a large University. I was also recuperating from an awful breakup, I was homesick, and I was just…learning how to flourish when everything was incredibly new and overwhelming.
I was afraid of failing my classes, nervous that I wouldn’t be able to make friends, and worried that I wouldn’t be able to succeed in college.
While my circumstances are completely different now– I’m a graduate of that University, I overcame homesickness, and I have an amazing relationship that is so much better than I could have imagined– I am now learning how to flourish as an adult. It’s incredibly new to me and it’s overwhelming.
I published a post recently about my fears, but they’re rather surface-level. My more deep-seated fears include being afraid of making a “wrong” decision, nervous to embark on something “too risky,” and worried that I can’t succeed in the real world.
All of these fears have ultimately culminated in the stunting of my growth. My fears have become my reality because I haven’t been challenging them…instead, I’ve been holding myself back to prevent myself from my perception of disaster. Then I’ve been blaming everyone else for holding me back.
After my anxiety attack, my sister pointed out that I have a difficult time making a decision because I have all these “ideas” but I hardly execute them. She also informed me that I doubt and second-guess myself consistently. How can I expect to move forward if my energy is so self-destructive?
Prior to the post about my fears, I wrote about manifesting and persistence. While they are extremely vital methods toward success, they are insufficient if the way I treat myself is negative. So, more importantly, how can I channel positive, confident, loving energy toward myself to raise my vibration and ultimately attract other high-vibe opportunities that would enable me to achieve my goals?
Well, this anxiety attack was a wake-up call that I’m not okay with holding myself back any longer. Now is the time to break this cycle and challenge my fears. Now is the time to take risks that may not always be successful, but that’s part of learning! Now is the time to try.
Please be kind to yourself.
You are thriving and you are right where you belong at this moment. You did not make any poor decisions. Your path is winding and while it may seem you take five steps back for every step forward, that is not necessarily a bad thing. You were able to reflect, learn, and address issues that you otherwise would’ve overlooked or never experienced if you did not take those steps backward. You wouldn’t be as well-rounded as you are now.
Please honor where you are at right now.
There is no need to criticize and to “other” yourself. You are who you are, and you should honor that. You have amazing qualities and you should not look at your qualities solely as weaknesses, because they are not. There are surprising strengths in what you regard as your weaknesses.
Please trust yourself.
You’ve overcome adversity and excelled in many areas of your life. You are constantly surprised by the success you earn, but you shouldn’t be because you work hard. You’re capable of greatness and you are working toward that daily. Be proud of what you’ve accomplished, because you’ve earned it.
Please listen to your heart.
People will say and think what they want of you, but only your opinions matter. Allow their negativity to fall away and listen to what your heart says. Regard yourself highly because you’ve earned it and you deserve it. You are worthy.
Lastly, please love yourself.
As I get deeper into my yoga practice as well as learning about the intricacies of the history of yoga, I have taken a particular interest in spirituality, and what that means to me. One thing I plan to do tonight to explore myself a bit will be to do the Virgo Full Moon Ritual!
I’ll give you some background on my previous experience with religion and mysticism since most of you don’t know me.
I’m a queer, multiracial cisgender woman and feminist, and I have not been a religious or spiritual person in about six to eight years. I think the last time I wrote about my spirituality/religious ideals on my blog was in 2013/2014…so clearly it hasn’t been important to me. That started to change when my cousin passed in 2016, I became obsessed with death. I was reading about it and listening to Podcasts about it…and then at some point, I just stopped. I became fascinated with life again.
This past fall semester in college, I have taken a Mysticism class in the Gender Studies Department, which has definitely played a key role in an interest in spirituality. One of my favorite books that we read from is called Jambalaya by Lusiah Teish. It has caused me to want to read more about Puerto Rican-African religion, Santeria, so I can get more in touch with my identity and my ancestors.
In the meantime, however, I have been reading up on the religion that Yoga is based on, which is Hindu. I’ve become intrigued by chakras so I bought a book about that to read…I need to finish a book. I have all these partially read books but…I will finish them once I’m done with my thesis!
Anyway…the point of me delving into a little bit of my personal background with religion, spirituality, and mysticism is basically my long-winded way to explain that this is the first time I will be doing a moon ritual. Unfortunately, I do not have the space nor the supplies to do the full ritual that was sent to me by a lovely woman who is part of the online yoga community that I belong to as well. It’s okay that I won’t be able to do the full ritual though because, for my first ritual, I just want to do the “basics,” which for me is to do the meditation and journaling.
I will link you to the full ritual I will be following if you want to find out more and possibly try it yourself, though!
Anyway…I will write another post about actually doing the ritual, which I plan to do later tonight. I hope that it will expose me to my more spiritual side, which I have yet to discover. I hope to gain some clarity about myself and to just…relax and to enjoy it. My professor that taught the Gender Studies Seminar always preached the importance of sitting in silence and lately, I haven’t been getting enough of that.
Anyway, please let me know if you will try it or if you have done it already! Do you regularly do moon rituals?
Please comment with suggestions/stories/advice below!
My experience with mysticism began at an early age due to my parents’ influence. My dad’s parents were immigrants during World War II and were deeply religious, presumably as a result of experiencing and witnessing such tragedy. They raised my dad and his siblings as Baptist. My mom, a Puerto Rican in Manhattan, grew up as Catholic. When my parents had me and my sister, they raised us as Baptist.
I was very involved in the Baptist church for a majority of my childhood. I attended church regularly on Sunday, Vacation Bible School in the summer, and youth groups. Many of my friends at the time were Christian too, although different denominations, but I joined their youth groups in addition to my own. Therefore, at one point in time, I was part of three youth groups. The youth groups were my favorite form of involvement because they were smaller and therefore more personal. We also did fun activities such as games and day trips, but there was always a spiritual element to it.
I’ve made it my goal to practice yoga daily, and so far, I’ve maintained it! It’s been…over thirty-one consecutive days. I’m not sure how many more days than thirty-one…perhaps it’s only been thirty-one days…but regardless, I’ve been practicing it daily for the entirety of January, and possibly in the tail-end of December.
Right now, I’m practicing it when I wake up, which isn’t always early. I try my hardest to get up at 7am but I end up reading the news on my phone, snoozing for a little longer, or I don’t know what I do, but I end up practicing around 8am, and sometimes later like at 11am. I’m trying to practice in the early morning though because according to Light on Yoga, a great book I’ve been reading and using to foster my practice, yoga must be practiced either in the early morning or in the late evening.
Light on Yoga has been a great, informative book because it provides a background to the practice as well as pictures and step by step instructions for pretty much every asana I’ve encountered since I began my practice in late August. Additionally, it includes yoga practices for various ailments one may have and it has courses to develop the skills necessary to improve, strengthen, and deepen your practice. It’s an excellent book. I’ve taken some notes on the book so I will publish what I’ve learned at some point because I think it’s important to know. Some yoga practices have completely appropriated it, and I think it’s important to know the roots of it.
Also, I am looking for other books about yoga that provide insight into the culture and history of the practice. If anyone has suggestions, please let me know!
Anyway…yes so my practice has been great in the month of January! I had my girlfriend take some photos of me to see my improvement. I’m not going to post them here right now, but I will. I want to incorporate more photos into my blog.
The cool thing about photos and about having her take them is that I didn’t realize until she told me, and showed me, that I was doing the “down dog” pose wrong. My back was super arched and my knees were bent so…I worked on it a bit and now I can do it properly.
Initially, my yoga goals were to achieve crow pose and wheel pose, but my right wrist is quite weak from playing tennis for several years prior to college, so I am going to work on doing a split and wheel pose. This week I’ve been working on stretching my hamstrings, and there has been a significant improvement, but there is still a long way to go. I have barely attempted back flexibility because I have several fears surrounding it…but I am working on it. Just more slowly.
The last thing I want to share is that I am considering either attending a Yoga Teacher Training or a Yoga Retreat! Since I will be graduating in a couple of months, I would like to take that opportunity to expand my practice. I’ll update y’all if this idea comes to fruition!
Happy September 1st!
Jeez, I can’t believe it’s already September though. My senior year officially begins on Tuesday, which has caused my anxiety to spike tremendously once again. Unfortunately, my anxiety triggers cold sores on my lips at least once every season…they’re super painful and because tea tree oil is the only effective remedy to treat them, (tea tree oil, if used as frequently as possible throughout the day, tends to prevent cold sores from going through the whole two-week healing process and reduces it to a week or if you’re lucky to catch it early enough, a mere couple of days), my lips become super dry. Every year, I feel like I get them more and more easily, which is frustrating. I used to get them only if I didn’t sleep but now I get them whenever I go from calm to hella anxious and worried. Anyway….
Yes, I’m anxious because of school. I’m also anxious because I just came back from the dermatologist…I got a biopsy and now I have to go back in three months. My mom is currently at the doctor for her cancer…health issues are incredibly anxiety-inducing.
Additionally, it’ll be one year since my cousin passed in two days. I always think about her, but over the last couple of weeks, I have been thinking about her more frequently and I have been wanting to talk to her more than I usually do. Her parents planted a tree for her in the city where she was killed yesterday…I wish they had told us about that because I would’ve liked to go. It must’ve been a nice ceremony.
I was ready this time.
I squatted with my back against the empty pickle barrels, tightly grasping the pistol, waiting. My hands were clammy and shaking, and I tried taking deep breaths to calm myself down. I didn’t want to miss again, not when I only had one bullet left.
I heard some loud footsteps nearby, presumably the graceless footsteps of the enemy. I leaned out from behind the barrel to get a better look, and sure enough, there she was. She was looking around the dim basement, her expression was frustrated.