• Speaking My Mind

    Releasing the Bumper

    Hello, blog friends! I know it’s been too long since I’ve last written.

    I didn’t intend to take so much time off from writing. I’ve had the time to write, but I kept postponing sitting down and working on a piece. Before I knew it, weeks had slipped by and I had barely written a single word.

    The reason I continued to postpone this valuable “me time” activity is primarily because I’ve been avoiding introspection. I haven’t been ready to make changes in my life, thus, I’ve avoided reflecting on my life altogether.

    Over the last week, however, I’ve been suffering through the negative impact an absence of writing has on me. This manifests as excessively distracting myself with TV and irrational thinking. An example of that thinking is entertaining thoughts of getting back together with my ex.

    While I love my ex, I know we can’t get back together. My poem, Flowers, helps remind me why I ended things and why I want things to remain “over.” Although I don’t want to be with her, I haven’t been ready to let her go. Thus, we’ve been maintaining a strained friendship, which until recently, has been overall pleasant and has benefited both of us. Now, it’s not serving either of us well.

    It’s unsurprising that we can’t be friends because we haven’t taken sufficient time apart to be friends and we are still in love with each other. While I know this information, I find it to be incredibly difficult to do what is beneficial for the both of us, which is taking a lot of time away from each other.

    I talked to my cousin about my predicament, and she responded with an insightful metaphor.

    “It’s like you’re hanging onto the back of a car’s bumper, and your ex is driving. You can either let go now, which will hurt, but then it’ll be over. Or you can hold on for awhile and be dragged along, and let go later. Both options hurt, but one hurts less.” -my cousin, a writer

    Ugh writers. They understand life.

    I’ve definitely been holding on for a long time because I fear losing her. But creating space doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re never going to be able to be friends again. It also doesn’t guarantee that we will reconnect in the future.

    There is a lot of uncertainty that comes with space that frightens me. Uncertainty in general frightens me, especially since my cousin passed away. Accepting uncertainty is something I’m just always going to have to work on. Writing and meditation helps tremendously, I simply need to practice them.

    Other than this challenge, I’ve been enjoying my summer. Since the last time I’ve written, I partook in a wonderful yoga workshop, I’ve gone to the beach, attended an all-day concert, watched fireworks with my friends, and spent quality time with my sister. I’ve been enjoying the summer’s nice weather as much as I can before autumn’s briskness takes over.

    How was your July? What are you looking forward to in August?

    xx Vic

  • Speaking My Mind

    Cawfie

    I want to upgrade my blog. I don’t mean that I want to redesign it, which I usually do about every year to some degree…but this time, I actually want to invest in my blog. I want to take it more seriously and I want to rebuild the community I used to have.

    My girlfriend has been urging me to do it, but I dismissed it until about two weeks ago. I think it’d be a great idea because I’m graduating in a couple of months so I’ll be able to invest more time into it. Also, if I get a job, it’ll be a nice outlet for me. I will continue to write no matter what I’m doing, but I think it’s about time I take it seriously, just for myself. I want to be able to be more creative and have more control over my blog.

    Although this sounds fantastic, the only thing that is preventing me from pursuing it right now is that I have no knowledge of the blogging world. I’ve been doing some research on it but I don’t have too much time to do that since I’m also finishing my honors thesis. Perhaps I’ll spend more time looking at it this weekend and next weekend…I would like to start working on it in February but I don’t know if that would be too overwhelming.

    Some things I’ve been considering is using an outside provider, like SiteGround, to provide me with a premium WordPress account. One blogger that I love uses that site and I talked to a representative and they were immensely helpful. There are different providers though and they charge different prices and have different packages…it may help for me to figure out what type of package I want in order to make my decision. I don’t know what the goal of my blog is, though.

    I’d like to continue to do pretty much what I’m doing now, but vamp it up a bit. I like how my blog is a conglomerate of different types of writing. I feel like aside from writing more frequently and diversifying my post mores, I really want the writing community back. What I wrote about years ago, when I first started this blog, was how I was previously using an app called Opuss, which I believe is no longer in service. But it was a tight-knit community of writers and we collaborated a ton, it was fantastic! I miss having that type of interaction with people…so…I’m going to attempt to regain that. Soon. The changes will occur soon.

    If anyone has any suggestions or input into the world of upgrading blogs, please comment to let me know!

    xx Vic

  • Poetry,  Speaking My Mind

    Love Bites (ep. 2): Sweet(ish) F(ish)

    The nights when I almost released my tether
    To fly high over the moon
    Talking myself in and out of sanity
    About my impending doom

    His baritone anchored me safely to earth
    Swaddling me
    Comforting
    His baritone made me feel like I was his universe
    Talking to me
    Listening

    The mornings when I almost crashed to the ground
    Because I didn’t pull open my parachute
    My head pounding in sync with my heart
    About my hopeless bloom

    His baritone anchored me safely to earth
    Swaddling me
    Comforting
    His baritone made me feel like I was his universe
    Talking to me
    Listening

    Then the nights woke up
    And the mornings fell asleep
    Because all good things end
    Once it’s broken, it’s difficult to repeat

    But I’m grateful that his baritone was there to anchor me
    And swaddle me when I was cold
    I’m grateful that he provided me with such comfort
    When I was all alone
    I’m grateful that he made me feel important
    And for those mornings when he serenaded me to sleep
    I’m grateful that we openly conversed
    I will fondly treasure these memories.

    xNJx

    © 2015 Vic Romero

    I decided to write a poem for this installment instead of a story. Here is the first and second stories of the Love Bites series.  The final installment will be posted in two weeks on Monday, 24 August 11am.

%d bloggers like this: