Tomorrow is our two-month anniversary. She had said it felt like longer, and I agree…it feels like we’ve known each other and been together for more than…almost five months now. We really began talking in January…and although we weren’t officially dating until a few months later, both of our friends have said that we were basically dating when we weren’t.
God, I love her…she makes me happy. I hope there are many months spent together to come 🙂
Awhile ago I had told her that I like to write and I had shown her some of my stuff…when I told her I have my own website she had been demanding to see it but I had been reluctant because when I sent her some of my work, I was able to choose the pieces that would draw the fewest questions about myself or the pieces that wouldn’t make me feel so…vulnerable.
god i’m so sorry i have broken your heart i’m so sorry i have gone about this all wrong i’m so sorry i have wished all along that we could get along but i screw it all up and i’m so sorry i keep tearing you apart with every article of clothing that i pack it feels to you like a smack like a stab in the back i’m so sorry that this hurts you so bad i’m sorry but it hurts me too my heart is covered with black and blues and i’m sorry i hadn’t told you the truth but it’s hard to be honest when i couldn’t even be honest with myself i didn’t know how to go to you i didn’t know how to ask for help i’m sorry but i was lying in the dirt of the tears that i had been crying for hours for days for years i was dying for so long but at least all of my tears showered the withered flowers so they lived on so they grew up to be strong as i was corroding away as i was deteriorating into dust but at least i becoming something because before i was nothing i was just living to waste my time until i died i was making the motions and imitating life…
but now i feel whole i feel content with myself and i don’t apologize for finally being who i am
Seventeen magazine had said that in January I would be flirting with two hotties (which I was: my manager who I started talking to two days before I saw my horoscope, and my former best friend who I’ve been reconnecting with for awhile and is straight) and that one of them is compatible with me. On the 26th I was supposed to know which person is for me.
I don’t believe in horoscopes. I like to read them though because I think it’s cool when they are somewhat relevant to my life, and I wonder how many other Scorpios (that’s my horoscope) relate to the horoscope, which in turn means that they relate to me. It’s a connection of astrology. I find it neat.
Regardless of my fascination with horoscopes, I have never believed in them nor have I ever deemed horoscopes to be correct. Except for the one that I stated above. Then again, my horoscope was actually not correct because I had known she was the one that was most compatible with me after a few days of talking, regardless of my questioning our compatibility when I found out that she smokes pot. Pot irks me.
Anyway, today is the 27th and I forgot that the 26th, the official day that I was supposed to know if she was the person for me, has passed.
Did anything happen yesterday that reaffirmed that she was the person for me?
….no. I spent most of yesterday not talking to her because I was studying or…”studying”. I did text her later last night during the Grammy’s though. I confessed to her that I had died inside (in a good way) that one time that she had gotten mad at work and almost whacked me with the door because she had grabbed my waist…she was all: omg Victoria you just melted my heart I didn’t think I could make anyone feel that way…
Other than that, there was nothing that happened on the 26th that screamed “VICTORIA YOU ARE MEANT TO BE WITH THIS GIRL!!!”
However, there have been other times, before the magical 26th and after that has caused me to like her even more than I did when I was just admiring her from afar a few months ago.
We have a lot in common, my girl and I. We have little things in common, like favorite ice cream flavor, favorite music, etc. But we also have similar values, such as honesty, family, work ethics.
We have a lot of differences too. She loves wrestling and football (specifically the Patriots) and I don’t watch sports (except for tennis sometimes). She enjoys romance movies, I prefer comedies. There are others too, but I didn’t want to make a list about her here. I want to talk about…Thursday.
Hello, everyone, hope you all are doing well and you have been having a good new year so far.
My new year has been pretty incredible. I came out to some of my friends and my sister, I found out that the girl that I have been crushing on likes me back (we’ve been talking nonstop for almost three weeks now, it’s been established that we like each other…) and…oh yeah! I went on a date with her! Yesterday, January 20, I had my first official date with anyone, and my first date with her…it was amazing. I’m still in shock that she likes me back, that she has liked me since I started working in July, that we went on a date and that she had a nice time and wants to see me again, that most of her friends know about me and her best friend wants to meet me…it’s all crazy exciting and overwhelming.
Anyway…I have intended to write everyday in 2014, but that didn’t happen once I started talking to her. I was too happy to write, or too…I just couldn’t write.
But I do want to catalog (mostly for me) all that happened between me and her for the past two weeks so…I transferred the texts I sent to my cousin about all my problems/concerns/events onto here because I don’t feel like typing it all again lol. The following texts are only my half of the textversation (texting conversation).
I came out to my friend and my sister yesterday, January 8th. They both took it really well, which was awesome.
I told my friend, Melissa, first. I picked her up at her house during lunch and I told her that I wasn’t completely straight, that I liked girls and that I had a crush on a girl that I work with who also happens to be my boss.
My friend didn’t miss a beat and after I told her the entire situation she gave me all this love advice. She’s amazing.
I told my sister when I was driving to Walgreens (talking while driving is the best thing ever because you don’t have to look at them while you’re confessing your soul/heart).
My sister was amazing as well. She thought I was silly for thinking that she wouldn’t accept me, considering that her friend is gay and that she is extremely supportive of the LGBTQ community. Then in the parking lot at Starbucks we had a long discussion about feminism and sexuality and it was so liberating and amazing to be honest with my sister, who is also my best friend. I felt like we connected more. Like we’re closer.
It was Sunday night. I made the boss I have huge crush on a mix CD after we had talked at work about bands that we liked…then I texted her asking if she was going to be at work on Tuesday morning because I was planning on going to my job to eat with a friend, and I wanted to give my boss the album.
Ever since that night I texted her, we have been talking…non-stop. Like…long messages.