I have become quite the smoothie queen lately, especially when it comes to breakfast. I love breakfast, but my relationship with it has become a little strained since I quit eating my trusty Limited Edition Cheerio varieties (the banana nut flavor is by far the best).
Over the summer I mostly ate toast with goat cheese and fruit, but after eating it nearly daily for two months, I needed to switch it up. That’s when YouTube saved the day!
A former lesbian couple I follow on YouTube makes videos and books of raw vegan recipes. Through their videos, I went down the rabbit hole of raw vegan life and raw vegans seem to enjoy their smoothies quite a bit. So, I got some of the ingredients that they like to use in their smoothies, and now I start my day off with the comforting sound of the blender.
Pumpkin Chai Smoothie
1 large banana or two baby bananas
2-3 generous tablespoons of pumpkin puree
1/4 hemp protein powder (or one serving size of another protein powder)
1 tbs of chia seeds
1-2 tbs of flax seeds (serving size is 2tbs but I add one)
about thumb-size of fresh ginger, peeled
a bunch of ground cinnamon
a dash or two of ground nutmeg
some dashes of black pepper
some dashes of ground turmeric
pumpkin seeds to top
enough non-dairy milk/water/a combo of both to get the consistency you want
All you have to do is throw it all (minus the pumpkin seeds) in the blender, pour into a glass, top with pumpkin seeds, and you’re good to go! You can mess around the quantity of each ingredient to suit your palate.
If you make this, let me know your thoughts in the comments! What do you usually eat for breakfast?
Jeez, I can’t believe it’s already September though. My senior year officially begins on Tuesday, which has caused my anxiety to spike tremendously once again. Unfortunately, my anxiety triggers cold sores on my lips at least once every season…they’re super painful and because tea tree oil is the only effective remedy to treat them, (tea tree oil, if used as frequently as possible throughout the day, tends to prevent cold sores from going through the whole two-week healing process and reduces it to a week or if you’re lucky to catch it early enough, a mere couple of days), my lips become super dry. Every year, I feel like I get them more and more easily, which is frustrating. I used to get them only if I didn’t sleep but now I get them whenever I go from calm to hella anxious and worried. Anyway….
Yes, I’m anxious because of school. I’m also anxious because I just came back from the dermatologist…I got a biopsy and now I have to go back in three months. My mom is currently at the doctor for her cancer…health issues are incredibly anxiety-inducing.
Additionally, it’ll be one year since my cousin passed in two days. I always think about her, but over the last couple of weeks, I have been thinking about her more frequently and I have been wanting to talk to her more than I usually do. Her parents planted a tree for her in the city where she was killed yesterday…I wish they had told us about that because I would’ve liked to go. It must’ve been a nice ceremony.
I’m bored with all of the books I’ve been trying to read and with all of the shows I want to watch so I decided it was about time to come on here and write again. So…yeah..I’m ending my Fall-Out-Boy-esque-hiatus now. My hiatus was not five years nor did I release an underrated, killer record before going on break and then proceed to get married, launch a solo career, or have children during my hiatus…but this has been the longest break I’ve taken from writing on here, and in general, since…my sophomore or junior year in high school. It’s a little unfortunate I didn’t write because I like to document my life, thoughts, and feelings…but everything seemed so…heavy at the time and the idea of writing anything…I didn’t perceive it as therapeutic.
During the last month or so, however, I have been documenting random thoughts/feelings into a journal by hand to at least get them out there and then I would organize them into the different Bullet Journal prompts I had going.
Anyway! I am going to resume writing again. I’ve been having an urge to write creatively over the last week or so…hopefully I can do some of that because I miss that. In the meantime, I’ll blog a bit about what’s going on and I’ll start with an update since a bunch has been going on!
I wrote this with the intention of posting it around the beginning of the New Year but clearly, that is not the case. I’ve decided to make the first of February my New Year since January wasn’t my favorite month and I feel like I fucked many things up so…Happy New Year!! Whooooo!
Here’s the original post:
The spark I had last year has long been extinguished and I just..feel like crap constantly. The fall semester sucked because I didn’t like many of my classes, my social life consisted of flaky, asshole friends and getting wasted every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to forget about the rest of the week, hooking up, not working out, and I have had no drive, motivation, or self-pride.
It’s been really bad. I thought winter break would help me feel better but instead I’m even more mopey. I have a trip next week to DC, which I was super ecstatic for last year but now I could give less of a shit. Ugh. I need to get out of this sophomore slump or else I’m gonna be miserable and fuck myself over so…here are a list of goals, or cinnamon goals as Hannah Hart says, that I have for myself this year to make the spring semester my comeback of the year.
2016 Cinnamon Goals!! Whooo!
Go to the gym two times a week. – I got really buff last year, but I’ve completely let myself go. So all through the rest of January and into February, I’m going to go to the gym twice a week. Then, as I rebuild some confidence and maintain this routine, I’ll increase the frequency to three times a week in March.
Party less. – Instead of partying three times a week, I’m going to reduce it to one time a week. Three times a week was a lot of partying..I often didn’t get up until 1am so my weekends were super unproductive, especially considering how that only gave me a couple hours to do work because the pre-games started at 8pm. (An exception to this rule is syllabus week).
Engage more with people that reach out to you. Focus less on people that don’t. – Every time I got drunk, I texted this girl that never gave me the time of day…I got to stop! Focus on people that show that they care and want to spend time with me! I also need to hang with people that actually like to do activities with me, not just party. I want well-balanced friends. Lastly, I need to stop trusting people instantly and assume we’re best friends. It’s always a disappointing outcome.
Forgive those that have hurt me. I tend to hold grudges…many of them being subconscious. I’ve realized this when it comes to my parents and as I’ve become more romantically involved with someone new. Old wounds that I thought had healed with time actually never healed, they still hurt. Time only covered them up by allowing the pain to dull for awhile. For some bizarre and awful reason, I am convinced that how I was treated by cruel people before, I’ll be treated like that again by everyone I meet. I need to work through these thoughts and focus on letting them go. I’m not sure how to go about it though..therapy again? Yoga? I don’t know. I need to figure this out..any suggestions?
Join another club. It’ll help me meet more people and it’ll inspire me, which I desperately need.
Speak my mind, because my silence will not protect me. – Be unafraid to share my romantic emotions. Be unafraid to ask for what I want.
Have alone time twice a week. – One of these days should be during the week to give myself a break, and another day should be on the weekend, instead of partying. Value myself more.
Get closer to my family. -Be less afraid to be myself around them. Bond with them more.
Research/Internship. -If not this summer, definitely next summer.
Learn how to blow bubbles with gum. – When everyone was learning how to blow bubbles, I had braces so I never learned.
Stop apologizing for being an adult who is still learning what matters, who matters, and which direction to go. – Thought Catalog
In March or April, maybe I’ll follow up with my progress and/or additions to my Cinnamon Goals.
What have been your goals for 2016, and how are they coming along??
I feel like “friends” is the biggest topic I talk about with my friends. Isn’t that ironic? Well, it seems like many of my friends, including myself, struggle when it comes to friends for a variety of reasons. As of this past academic year (September 2014-May 2015), I’ve mostly been struggling with determining who my “true friends” are and finding people that I truly connect with. It hasn’t been until this summer, thanks to my current internship, that I’ve begun to figure some of my shit out.
I’ve been back in school for awhile so my anxiety has come and gone but today my anxiety has been flaring up big time. I’ve been anxious all day. I’ve been able to distract myself for short periods of time but eventually it comes creeping back…I’ve been trying to relieve things that would cause my anxiety but two of the things are out of my control: I’m finally getting a roommate tomorrow and I’m really nervous and my ex reached out to me so we’ve chatted briefly and although we’re not talking or anything anymore, just the fact that she spoke to me has made me like…I feel kinda sad about reality I guess. Everything changes and although I love my life now, it makes me a little nostalgic to see how things have changed.
So to stop feeling nostalgic, I start thinking about my present but in the present I’m getting a roommate and I’m nervous about that…I’ve never shared a room with anyone for an extensive period of time…a club I was in was causing me major anxiety too but I quit that…but telling them that I was quitting gave me anxiety and then waiting for a reply…and school is scary and stressful. I’m taking more classes and harder classes…and clubs and friends and anxiety AnXiEtY ANXIETY!!
Right now I’m just trying to relax before bed by listening to this YouTube video, drinking Sleepytime tea, and I took some Valerian root pills before. I’ll bathe my bed with lavender scents as well because that’s a relaxing scent.
Anyway, I just wanted to write a little bit about what I’m feeling since writing is therapeutic for me. I hope everyone is doing well, I’ll try to read up on your blogs later since I’m too anxious to even read anything aside from my textbook.
This was me when I was fifteen, a freshman in high school. I watched this video last night to “reminisce” but ended up finding comfort and advice in the “me” from four years ago because what I went through then has many parallels to what I’m going through now as a freshman in college…so I thought I’d share.
I got this dress online from Forever 21. Forever 21 was having a crazy sale and this dress reminded me of the seventies because of the sleeves and it felt like something that Free People would sell (I love Free People but it’s too expensive) so I got this dress.
Here’s the back…as you can see the material is like a thick, knitted fabric. I wore tattoo tights with this dress that had this creepy corset stitching down the whole leg.
Here’s a closer look at my sexy legs lol the shoes I’m wearing are from my mom’s closet. Like I’ve said before, I hate flats but you can only wear low-cut shoes with these tights so you can get the full effect of the tights. I’m looking at buying a low pair of Docs soon…the ones I’m interested in getting are really expensive though but I know they’d get good use so I may have to make an investment. We shall see…when I finally get nice low-cut shoes I’ll make a shoe collection post because I have a decent amount of shoes in my opinion. They make my tiny closet at school really full lol
This is my beautified face…oh and there you can see the Betsey Johnson necklace my sister got me for my birthday that I wore in my birthday lookbook.
So let’s talk about my makeup today! The palette that I used is by the brand Beauty Gems and it’s called “Change It Up.” I’ve had it for about two years now so that means that I’m ready to buy another one. I have my eyes set on the Urban Decay Vice 3 eyeshadow palette although it’s quite expensive for me but I think I’d like it more than the one I currently have so I’d probably use it more than I use the Beauty Gems one.
I dislike the Beauty Gems palette because the quality of the makeup is just mediocre, like it doesn’t go on that smoothly in my opinion. I got it for ten bucks though so I can’t be expecting too much haha Also, this particular palette has a lot of neutrals, which I never wear because I feel like the point of eyeshadow is to have obnoxious, awesome colors on your eyelids rather than painting on eyeshadow that matches your skintone…but maybe I feel this way because I’m young and I do whatever I want regarding fashion and makeup. I wore a smokey eye and bright red lipstick during the daytime, in which I spent the whole day taking midterms. I don’t care, as long as I think I look good 🙂
Enough blabbering now haha okay so ideally I wanted to do bright red eyeshadow with grey/black eyeshadow around it to give it a smokey effect but my lame-o palette doesn’t have red. Vice 3 doesn’t have a bright red either but it has colors that are closer to red than the ones that I currently have. Anyway, I made do with pink eyeshadow and unfortunately I didn’t have time for fake eyelashes so I just used mascara, along with some eyeliner. I’ve really gotten into wearing fake eyelashes now that I’m not terrified to apply them and that I’ve applied them successfully haha
I’m also wearing foundation and blush. I’m really liking wearing blush, I have never worn it before until last week when I randomly decided to try it. I never get flushed cheeks, even if I run or anything, so it’s cool having flushed cheeks now because of blush. I think in this case it doesn’t suggest that I’m hot and sweaty as if I had run a mile, but it looks really feminine and makes me feel all…”come hither” to attractive people lol I don’t even know what I’m saying. I feel beautiful, okay? lol
I decided to picture my rings today…I always wear rings but I’ve never shown them before. The one on my left hand is a black rose ring I got at a cheap store in Manhattan most likely. The rainbow ring is my pride ring, which I wear religiously so other queer people can know I’m queer too, although most people don’t notice it because it’s subtle. My former boss actually noticed it and asked me about it and it was really uncomfortable…but he asked me about it because he wanted to segue into talking about his gay father, so that was kinda cool.
The last ring I’m wearing is a creepy bunny that reminded me of Frank from Donnie Darko. The fact that it’s a bunny also makes me think of my favorite YouTuber, Bunny Meyer, or Grav3yardgirl. I consider myself a YouTube junkie, and I particularly love her videos because she’s so down to earth and also really crazy. I feel like if I met her we’d actually be friends, and she has become my fashion and makeup inspiration. She’s really funny too, her videos always make me feel better so…if you’re curious about her channel, click here.
Anyway, that’s today’s ensemble. Tomorrow I have an interview so I need to wear “professional” clothing but I found ways to personalize it and make it more “me” rather than the racist, sexist, etc idea of “professionalism.” When I post the pics I’ll tell you guys why I think “professionalism” is dumb.
Lastly, I decided to include two inspiring picture messages today. I’ve been struggling staying positive lately…between school, my family, my ex…there’s just a lot of layers to the problems I feel that I’m facing currently and I came across these pictures on Facebook today. They really resonated with me and I thought I’d share them.
I had a really great day today, one of the best days I’ve had in weeks.
I woke up this morning with no message or call from my ex (I had asked to talk to her last night) so instead of just…waiting…I sent her an open and honest text about what has been bothering me because in the other text I sent her, I acted like everything was fine when it wasn’t. I’m still waiting for a reply but I’m just glad that I got it off my chest because I feel more proactive and in control rather than just waiting to get shit on.
After that, I had class and although nothing special happened, I had a great time after that.