I just finished sending…at least 10 job applications out. My creative writing class this morning got cancelled because my professor is sick so I took the down time to do that since later I want to focus primarily on my senior honors thesis. I have a five-page proposal due on Monday so I would like to write two pages today and finish it up by Friday so I can submit it to my advisor. I feel like this may be a far-reaching goal but I’ve been pretty focused lately so hopefully I can bang out out five pages before the weekend, which would give me ample time to revise it.
Anyway…I feel like I’ve been a little frazzled lately…I don’t even remember if I disclosed that I’m doing an honors thesis and if I’m taking creative writing! Well..I’m doing an honors thesis and I’m taking a creative writing. It’s awesome because they’re both forms of writing that challenge different areas of my brain. The class is part of my initiative to keep writing for myself…last year I kinda disappeared because I had all this sadness pent up inside and I didn’t even know where to begin to write but…I figured it out with some time and patience and I’m back to writing pretty regularly.
There are a couple of articles though that I’ve been putting off posting…it’s just a matter of me sitting down and taking the time to paste them here. Perhaps I’ll do that tonight during a break from thesis writing.
I wanted to come on here to express my stress about my life after college…which has pretty much all that I’ve spoken about. My girlfriend is more excited about it than I am, but she still has another year of school. I don’t know…I don’t know if I should’ve planned differently but at the same time…I need to stop comparing myself to others, even if they have similar career interests and/or majors. I’m on my own damn path, and it’s awesome and I’m going to flourish!
It’s important for me to recall how I felt when I was graduating high school too. I mean sure, I was certain I was going to university right after high school but I had zero idea of where I wanted to go. I was planning on applying to Barnard and I had done all the extra steps required such as take two subject SATs, send recommendation letters, do an interview…but I never wound up applying. And I was pretty set on that university too. What ended up happening though, was that I got into another school I was considering…perhaps not as seriously at first but I had gotten in on my eighteenth birthday, right after I got my 18-year-old license! It felt like fate and that was it for me. The stress of which school I was going to attend/apply to throughout my entire high school career vanished during the fall of my senior year. I still sent out four other applications, although yeah…none of which I sent to Barnard…but I knew where I wanted to go early on and I hadn’t realized it until I had gotten in.
Perhaps this “lost” feeling I have now..where I feel like I’m literally stumbling along my life and although I’m doing the best I can, it doesn’t feel like enough…well it’s comparable to my senior year in high school. And that worked out great! Even if I don’t get a job offer in the fall…I’ll get one eventually because I have a ton to offer. I’m smart, driven, and a go-getter!
I wish I didn’t beat myself up so much…I need to be supportive and loving to myself during this process. It’s hard to sell-yourself as a potential employee when you feel shitty…which was where my head was primarily at last year. I’m in a better head-space though. For the most part anyway. (Btw, I’m working on my confidence by writing three nice things about myself daily, for at least a week. It was my girlfriend’s idea, we’re doing it together!)
I do regret not studying for the GRE’s over the summer though. I had the time but I procrastinated a ton, obviously because I never even cracked open the book. Now I’m in the midst of my senior year so…I don’t know when I’m going to find the time to study for that. I also regret not networking better…although I can start now. There’s no reason I can’t start now.
So…perhaps I’ll outline a plan for how I can tackle these regrets so I can stop regretting them.