Speaking My Mind,  unzipped lips


Three years isn’t a long time in the grand scheme of life, but at my age (I’m nineteen), it feels substantial.

Three years ago I was in high school, which is a completely different world in contrast to college.  I was a minor at age sixteen and in the midst of my downward spiral of depression.  I also lost my best friend three years ago.  Not “lost” as in death, but “lost” as in, no longer friends.

I lost most of my friends three years ago, but only one of those losses wasn’t my fault.  That loss hurt me the most.

We had known each other for two or three years and spent a ton of time together.  I consider her one of my first true best friends because we were so close we acted like lovers.  I did love her, but not romantically.

I thought we knew everything about each other, or at least the major things.  I was the only person that she truly let into her life so intimately.  Then one day she stopped replying to my texts.  I called her and contacted her a couple of times after that, but she didn’t reply.  A week later she contacted me, asking me to meet her at a park to talk.

She didn’t say anything when we met up, she just handed me a typed letter and told me to read it.  We sat down at a picnic table and I read words that I wish weren’t in her vocabulary.

After that, our friendship began to unravel.

She dropped out of school and although we still talked, our conversations left me paralyzed, unsure of what to do with the dark information she was sharing with me.  I didn’t know the right things to say or not say, and I began to shy away.  I was also dealing with my own struggles, which made it difficult for me to connect with anyone.

Since then, she’s contacted me a handful of times.  Most recently she has messaged me on Facebook and we swap messages back and forth.  For the most part, however, I have had no idea with how she is or what she’s actually doing.

Wednesday night, I saw her for the first time in three years.

My best friend has invited me several times to hang out with her and my former best friend, but I’ve always said ‘no.’  Then, on Wednesday, I finally agreed.

It was a little awkward at first…I probably talked too much to cover up the awkwardness.  But it was also nice and it helped that my best friend was there serving as a buffer.

She looked the same, except for her hair.  The last time I saw her, her hair was pink and long but now it is short, bright red, and she has bangs.  She still is unable to drive and had to ride a bike for two and a half hours to hang out.  Her family is still an intricate web of adults, young kids, and pets.  Unlike before, she now smokes an e-cigarette.

Seeing her has triggered a ton of nice memories, causing me to be nostalgic.  I would like to hang out with her a bit now that she’s back in my state, but I know we won’t be best friends again.  We’re both on very different roads, metaphorically speaking, and although they’re intersecting now, I doubt it’ll last long.  If anything, we can always stay in touch on Facebook.  I’m excited to sit down and talk to her more though…find out more about what she’s up to and such.

Three years isn’t a ton of time, but a lot still changes.


Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: