Speaking My Mind


I slept poorly the night after I posted this blog about some future roommate/housing issues I was having.  Regardless of my sleep deprivation, I woke up an hour earlier than I had to to go to school so I could go to the ResLife office and resolve my concerns.  Unfortunately, I go to a big school so there are many campuses and offices.  The office I initially went to sent me to another office on another campus.  I went to the appropriate campus, but I couldn’t find the office.  A woman told me where to find it, but I didn’t have time to actually go to the office because I had my five-hour class.  This stressed me because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to speak with someone when I got out of class due to long lines that are more prevalent later in the day…plus, I was stressed because I was nearly running late to my class.

After I parked on the campus where my class was, a guy waved to me.  I mistakenly thought he was the guy I have a crush on and eagerly waved back.  When I realized it wasn’t him, I was mortified because he had walked toward my car and I didn’t know what to do…I had to leave my car to go to class…but he was looking at me expectantly and I didn’t know him nor did I want to talk to him.

I probably should’ve restarted my car and picked a different parking spot, but instead I just got out of the car.  He ended up being really harmless and sweet.  He just asked me to restart his car with a jumper cable, but I was running late to class so I told him I couldn’t help him.  He wished me a good day despite being unable to help him, and just walked away.  I felt so bad about not helping him…this negative emotion was the final straw in my shitty morning that caused me to have a meltdown as I walked to class.  I called my dad and he calmed me down from the blubbering mess that I was.  Then I went to class and it was an okay class…afterwards, I zoomed to the other campus and was helped by a nice gentleman who showed me where the correct ResLife office was.

An older woman helped me resolve my concerns.  She was calm, nonjudgmental, and kind.  I was so relieved afterwards because not only was I appeased, I was also expecting some bitter, hostile person giving me a hard time.  She wasn’t like that though, so it was a nice experience.

Then I went out with my friends from school for bubble tea.  It was a nice way to end my stressful and emotional day.

Anywhoooo…so about this crush I’m having on this guy…I think I’m going to make a move.  If there should be a presentable opportunity, I will most definitely go for it.

I’m honestly unsure if he likes me back…and I don’t really know why I am so attracted to him.  I don’t mean that he’s unattractive or anything…but I mean…I don’t really know him well so I don’t have a reason to be attracted to him.  I don’t know much about him either…except that he recently became a legal adult, is going to community college in the fall, plays football and wrestles, and has a million siblings.  The only reason I know about the siblings is because I’m his little brother’s counselor for the camp and his brother told me about his siblings.  There’s about ten of them altogether, and they’re all biological.  The guy I have a crush on is the third oldest, and the oldest brother is in jail but is getting out early.

The only reason I initially suspected he liked me back is because our eyes meet when we’re not even talking to each other….I am so fucking lame, ohmigod.  But like…he looks at me in the eyes…and smiles and I swoon and this is exactly how it was with my ex.  I was suddenly attracted to her for no reason really and our eyes met a lot and then slowly but surely I worked my way into her heart…I’m determined to make him like me.

It’s crazy though because every time I see this guy, I get super excited and…I have it so bad right now.  I haven’t been attracted to any guys in…about a year.  The guy I was attracted to before this guy was someone I never even spoke to…I see him at the frat parties I go to and I think he’s hella attractive.  He was like the male version of my ex…I even told my ex I liked this guy when we were dating haha he’s hella fine though.  He looks like Travis, the lead singer from We the Kings.

Being attracted to a guy is unusual to me because I don’t particularly like guys.  From my experience, most of them are douchey idiots or douchey, condescending creeps.

For example, when I went out to lunch with my cousin-in-law, we were talking about the only Christmas episode in Gilmore Girls as we wandered around Barnes and Noble.  We descended the escalator and headed toward the exit when this white, nerdy-looking guy called after us.  He had followed us down the escalator to talk to us about Christmas because he “wanted a Christian awakening” or something like that.  Then he asked us what our majors were and when I told him I was double majoring with Planning and Public Policy he asked me all snotty-like: are you going to be a politician? He was so fucking rude and condescending and creepy….good riddance to him.

This guy I like isn’t like that at all though.  He’s great with kids, smart, social-justice conscious, and I’m hella attracted to him for it.  I just envision him wrapping me up in his arms or something nauseating like that…dammit, Victoria.

My friend says that I should just go with it because women have a natural skill of finding partners because of the cave people era, or something weird like that haha

Hopefully, I can spend quality time with him to determine if I actually like him or not.  I’ve been trying to get him to hang out with me and all the other counselors, because we all hang out every week.  He hasn’t hung out with us once yet…maybe I’ll try to initiate a hang out with him in the fall…like a one-on-one shindig.  AKA, a date.

I’m so fucking thirsty, it’s embarrassing.

Wish me luck

xo Vic

EDIT: On Friday, he casually mentioned his girlfriend during our conversation.  I’m so disappointed.  I talked to my friend from school about it because I was so sad.  It’s been like a year…why haven’t I even met anyone?


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