Speaking My Mind

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

I feel like “friends” is the biggest topic I talk about with my friends. Isn’t that ironic? Well, it seems like many of my friends, including myself, struggle when it comes to friends for a variety of reasons. As of this past academic year (September 2014-May 2015), I’ve mostly been struggling with determining who my “true friends” are and finding people that I truly connect with. It hasn’t been until this summer, thanks to my current internship, that I’ve begun to figure some of my shit out.

Upon graduating high school, I only talk to about three people when I used to regularly talk to many, many more. I’m not upset about the falling out with many people, but it was a little lonely at the beginning of the summer at first because I felt as though I hadn’t made any friends in college to visit. This is completely untrue, I’ve made several friends in college. I was just unsatisfied with them because they were not like my friends from home. My new friends were not willing to be open with me and were unreliable. On the other hand, how can I expect my new friends from college be like my friends from home, which I’ve known most of my life? I can’t.

Despite realizing this, I finished my first year of college feeling unsatisfied with my social life. My academic life is fantastic, but I wished I made friends that are more like me, but also different. I entered college wanting to connect with people that were also queer because I wanted to relate to someone in that way, and I also wanted to join a queer activist club…none of that happened though. My former roommate may have been queer but that relationship ended very badly.

I figured my second year in college would be much better socially, while maintaining my excellent academics. The first year is largely about figuring out who you are and adjusting to living alone in a new city…now that I am adjusted and have a better grasp of who I am, I can focus on making friends. I didn’t expect, however, for my initially dreaded summer internship to connect me to so many amazing people. One of my new friends told me that he hoped we would all stay friends once the internship is over and I was like “ME TOO!” It just goes to show you that good things take time, or one of those other cliches about needing to be patient. Sure, these new friendships may not last forever but they’re what I need right now.

Unfortunately, while I’m making new friends, I’m also losing one of my older friends. I met her five years ago now, but we got into a fight within a couple months. Four years later, we reunited and became best friends. Then we graduated high school and attended college, which began to fracture our relationship. I think we’re just growing apart…we’ve grown apart since college and now she mostly annoys me, makes me feel bad about myself, and we barely talk. We also fought a bit awhile ago…meh. It just kinda stinks knowing we’re probably not going to remain good friends for much longer and watching it happen. It’s the end of an era, I suppose.

Anyway, I will close this long, dreary blog with this video that Shane Dawson posted because really hit home for me. Perhaps you can relate to it also…

Please feel free to share your friendship experiences and stories below!



  • jerbearinsantafe

    I have gone through many changes in friendship over the years. The one place they all come together is on Facebook. So when I wrote an open letter on my birthday Monday about coming out as agender I didn’t know what to expect. What happened was quite remarkable in that friends from the past, in one case going back to the late seventies, we’re supportive. It was not everyone of course but it is gratifying to know that friendship can survive decades apart and a major change in identity!

    • vicromero

      yes, definitely! and true friends will accept you for who u are, so congrats to u! Facebook is definitelyy a good tool, i use it to maintain in contact with people all of the time!

  • Lana

    My best friend that I have known for 20 years, we had a falling out that lasted about a year or so because someone got in the middle and caused us to part. But then we got back I touch and are just as close if not closer then before. We talk a few times a month and the last time we hung out was in 2013. He lives in Toronto and so were about 4 or so hours apart but when we do talk it’s like nothing changes. I hope to see him next summer.

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